Tell a Joke - Off-topic

Do what it says on the tin (title) lol
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Here's a joke....
Archer : Hey did you search before starting this thread?
Zd0s : Yes.
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Archer said:
Here's a joke....
Archer : Hey did you search before starting this thread?
Zd0s : Yes.
Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Hahaha. I love this joke.
Sent from my XDA using HTC Vision.

Related

LateNight Munchies ~THREAD~

Title says it folks^^
What are you eating for the LateNight Munchies..
I usually order pizza but got some WaffleHouse tonight,haven't had it in awhile and its open 24/7
Plus i love food;p
sent from my foot in your a*s
Made a steak with the right seasonings. Had some brews for a side dish.
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Karakoram2 said:
Made a steak with the right seasonings. Had some brews for a side dish.
Sent from my SGH-T989 using xda premium
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I'm to lazy to make food at night
sent from my foot in your a*s
I used to go straight from the bar to a fast food joint and get a double cheese burger. at 3 am.
jaszek said:
I used to go straight from the bar to a fast food joint and get a double cheese burger. at 3 am.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
That's why they make fast food places
Sent from my SPH-D710 using XDA
Late night munchies for me - it's coming up on 11:30 pm - a cold can of John Smiths and a couple of creme caramels from the fridge.
Simon.TS.HTC said:
Late night munchies for me - it's coming up on 11:30 pm - a cold can of John Smiths and a couple of creme caramels from the fridge.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Creme caramels??
Lol
Sent from my SPH-D710 using XDA
Mod Edi: Really, you had to go there? ~ TRM
fleurdelisxliv said:
Mod Edi: Really, you had to go there? ~ TRM
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
No drug talk in here sorry
Lol and i always have the munchies just eat alot at night
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ScubaSteev said:
No drug talk in here sorry
Lol and i always have the munchies just eat alot at night
Sent from my SPH-D710 using XDA
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
i always have the late night munchies after a lot of beer if im able to get the food to my mouth lol
ScubaSteev said:
Creme caramels??
Lol
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I knew, but it was the only food in my fridge and I couldn't be bothered to cook a pizza from frozen
As for the reason, just got back from a date - I know most of you have heard about Elizabeth recently through my posts here. I'd known all along that she was planning on going back gone to Romania next week to work out her future - I learnt that it's because she's been diagnosed with cancer and is going home for treatment.
Therefore, got home, couldn't sleep, needed food.
Simon.TS.HTC said:
I knew, but it was the only food in my fridge and I couldn't be bothered to cook a pizza from frozen
As for the reason, just got back from a date - I know most of you have heard about Elizabeth recently through my posts here. I'd known all along that she was planning on going back gone to Romania next week to work out her future - I learnt that it's because she's been diagnosed with cancer and is going home for treatment.
Therefore, got home, couldn't sleep, needed food.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Ohh damn:/
Well i hope all works out.
But i was asking what is creme caramels? Lol
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ScubaSteev said:
Ohh damn:/
Well i hope all works out.
But i was asking what is creme caramels? Lol
Sent from my SPH-D710 using XDA
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Look up on Google. Sweet caramel flavoured puddings - yum yum
Simon.TS.HTC said:
Look up on Google. Sweet caramel flavoured puddings - yum yum
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Lmfao!
That sounds kiddish ha
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Swiss cheese...thick slices...about 2 pounds per week. I don't know why, but it goes perfect with beer.
Sent from my coffee pot.
TheSkinnyDrummer said:
Swiss cheese...thick slices...about 2 pounds per week. I don't know why, but it goes perfect with beer.
Sent from my coffee pot.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Holy crap dude......that's a lot
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Pizza or maccas... Sometimes just chocolate will ease the fever
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Vis1on said:
Pizza or maccas... Sometimes just chocolate will ease the fever
Sent from my HTC One X using xda premium[/QUOT
Mmmm chocolate
Pizza is good too
Sent from my SPH-D710 using XDA
Click to expand...
Click to collapse

High School/middle school (junior high) Stories

Hello XDA members,mods,and noobs who need to go to their mom and tell them that they are sorry for having her telling you youre special and you're not because your a looooosser.
This is a thread were you post all your favorite,amazing,awesome,naughty(clean),bad, worst, horrible, memories about high school and/or middle school.
Im in middle school (junior high)
So ill start with one in middle school this year....I got a front row seat next to the teachers desk because I was flirting with girls on the first day of school (august 21,2012)
I hope some people will share :thumbup:
I'll give this a go; I'm currently a senior in high school, however this story takes place during this past summer: I was chosen as a "Volunteen" at one of the best hospitals in Tennessee for child care, traumas, and burn victims; I was also volunteering with other kids. Well, it just so happens my department had a lot of girls ( we worked in groups of two) and they would help me transport patients from one area of the hospital to the the other. One day this girl and I finished early and so we took "off" for an early lunch break; we took off to the fire escape and started making out. For whatever reason our supervisor took the fire escape on the most *desolate* area of the hospital and saw us..she kicked me out on the spot and let the girl stay. -_- luckily I got to keep my 140+hours of volunteering
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Kelton Rivas said:
I'll give this a go; I'm currently a senior in high school, however this story takes place during this past summer: I was chosen as a "Volunteen" at one of the best hospitals in Tennessee for child care, traumas, and burn victims; I was also volunteering with other kids. Well, it just so happens my department had a lot of girls ( we worked in groups of two) and they would help me transport patients from one area of the hospital to the the other. One day this girl and I finished early and so we took "off" for an early lunch break; we took off to the fire escape and started making out. For whatever reason our supervisor took the fire escape on the most *desolate* area of the hospital and saw us..she kicked me out on the spot and let the girl stay. -_- luckily I got to keep my 140+hours of volunteering
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Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Hahaha that sucks having them kick u out
So youre going to college to be a doctor?
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I got a knobber on my 13th birthday. Then her parents took us out for ice cream.
Sent from your mom.
No, I want to be an Engineer. Ideally for electrical because it's one of the broadest degrees of engineering (I've been told the more broad the degree is the more useful it is). I volunteered at the hospital for extracurricular hours, etc
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TheSkinnyDrummer said:
I got a knobber on my 13th birthday. Then her parents took us out for ice cream.
Sent from your mom.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
And ice cream??? Dam, i wish i could have a birthday like that
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stumpyz9 said:
And ice cream??? Dam, i wish i could have a birthday like that
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Click to expand...
Click to collapse
It was a win win.
Sent from my SGH-I777 using Tapatalk 2
i dont remember that far back
fleurdelisxliv said:
i dont remember that far back
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Trust me, I definitely can't remember what flavor ice cream I had.
Sent from your mom.
Back in high school in maths class i asked a student if he was feeling moist, really loudly and got sent out of the room and told off by the teacher hehe
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I got a knobber on my 13th birthday. Then her parents took us out for ice cream.
Sent from your mom.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
And now you work in icecream
Sent from my Ouya
QuantumFoam said:
And now you work in icecream
Sent from my Ouya
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
It is my density.
Sent from your mom.
saw two girls making out on my floor. i like college
YummyLaxatives said:
saw two girls making out on my floor. i like college
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Why u no take pictures?
Sent from my PC36100 using xda premium
Hmm let's see when I was in the 7th grade(middle school) I was dating this girl. We were going out for a while I believe it was 8 months. We decided it wad time to go a little further. So on Valentine's she walked to my house in the middle of the night( she knew where I lived but I didn't know where she did lol). We spent some time together for a couple of hours . Then she would walk back home before her parents would wake up. We did this a couple times then finally got caught. She would use her moms phone to text me and she would take her phone when she came to my house. Well one day her mom woke up early and saw her phone was missing. So she called the phone a bunch of times and then saw that her daughter wasn't home she thought she had run away but she was really still at my house . Well since her parents didnt know we were going out but her parents knew my parents for a long time.......
And that's all for now ill finish this later since I just waisted my time writing this instead of my essay due tomorrow lol
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TheSkinnyDrummer said:
It is my destiny.
Sent from your mom.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
FTFY
veeman said:
FTFY
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I was quoting Back to the Future....n00b!
Sent from your mom.
TheSkinnyDrummer said:
I was quoting Back to the Future....n00b!
Sent from your mom.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Grammar Nazis don't watch movies.
Well there was this girl....(named Sarah)
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VeryCoolAlan said:
Well there was this girl....(named Sarah)
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Click to expand...
Click to collapse
.........go on
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Post your favorite TV shows

There NEEDS to be a thread about TV shows.
So, post your favorite TV shows.
I'll start off-
Big Bang Theory, Game of Thrones, Who's Line Is It Anyway?, Dragon Ball - Z, Burn Notice, Modern Family
According to Jim, How i met your mother, My name is Earl
How I Met Ur mother
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pityu100 said:
According to Jim, How i met your mother, My name is Earl
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
batman38102 said:
How I Met Ur mother
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Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I used to love How I met Your Mother, but now I kinda feeling like that they're just delaying the ending.
I hope it doesn't end with - "And kids, I never met your mother. You're adopted"
Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy and How I Met Your Mother.
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Kabir Saxena said:
I used to love How I met Your Mother, but now I kinda feeling like that they're just delaying the ending.
I hope it doesn't end with - "And kids, I never met your mother. You're adopted"
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Actullay no...according to wikipedia season 8 will be the ending. Barney gets married to Robin and ted marries to the his kids mother then THE END
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SenorBlanco said:
Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy and How I Met Your Mother.
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Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I love sons of Anarchy too. Amazing show.
batman38102 said:
Actullay no...according to wikipedia season 8 will be the ending. Barney gets married to Robin and ted marries to the his kids mother then THE END
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Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Actually, I think Barney is the only thing keeping the show alive. His charisma and his casanova image.
And, I just checked up on Wiki. I hope its right., that its ending.
I still really like the show, though.
Kabir Saxena said:
There NEEDS to be a thread about TV shows.
So, post your favorite TV shows.
I'll start off-
Big Bang Theory, Game of Thrones, Who's Line Is It Anyway?, Dragon Ball - Z, Burn Notice
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
But there IS a thread...
Favorite TV show thread
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Dexter
Breaking Bad
The Walking Dead
Justified
Modern Family
Seinfeld
Oz
Desperate housewives and Friends ..
There's already a thread for TV shows. Use it.
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LoopDoGG79 said:
But there IS a thread...
Favorite TV show thread
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Click to expand...
Click to collapse
That thread hasn't been used for almost a year.
I saw no point in reviving it. And someone posted in that thread also that there's already a thread for that.
LordManhattan said:
There's already a thread for TV shows. Use it.
Sent from my GT-N7000 using Tapatalk 2
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
eibbor82 said:
Dexter
Breaking Bad
The Walking Dead
Justified
Modern Family
Seinfeld
Oz
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
How could I forget modern family?!
Adding to op.
Kabir Saxena said:
That thread hasn't been used for almost a year.
I saw no point in reviving it. And someone posted in that thread also that there's already a thread for that.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
So, that means instead if bumping it, just make a new thread so you become the master of that idea instead?
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I don't want to be 'the master of the idea' . I can add credits of op of that thread since he was the 'Master of the idea'
Though I never looked at that thread before I searched for TV shows. And I searched for TV shows AFTER I got the idea myself. So I AM the 'Master of the idea'
The big bang theory
jootanen said:
The big bang theory
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Finally! Someone that likes big bang theory. :thumbup:
There is nohing wrong with bumping themed threads if you have something useful to add. However, there is also this: http://forum.xda-developers.com/showthread.php?t=1029216
Ok, my list, in no particular order except the top 3:
Sherlock BBC
Doctor Who
Castle
Person of Interest
Top Gear
Haven
Merlin
Stargate SG1 & Atlantis
Firefly
MASH
I like clever plots, original characters, excellent dialogue and good acting, so most modern shows annoy me to no end... -.- I also hate political and inter-personal drama.
ShadowLea said:
There is nohing wrong with bumping themed threads if you have something useful to add. However, there is also this: http://forum.xda-developers.com/showthread.php?t=1029216
Ok, my list, in no particular order except the top 3:
Sherlock BBC
Doctor Who
Castle
Person of Interest
Top Gear
Haven
Merlin
Stargate SG1 & Atlantis
Firefly
MASH
I like clever plots, original characters, excellent dialogue and good acting, so most modern shows annoy me to no end... -.- I also hate political and inter-personal drama.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Looking at your choice, I think you may like white collar and burn notice too

Stupid question? Stupid answer!

What's this all about, you ask? Well, it's simple, really. You ask a question, someone gives you an answer. Yes, I know, that's no fun. Here's how you spice it up.
Ask a stupid question. The next person who replies gives you a stupid answer, and then asks their own stupid question.
OK, I get it, you need examples, so try this on for size:
----------
1st poster: Why is the sky blue?
----------
2nd poster: Because gravity was suddenly reversed for short period of time, and a bunch of water was suspended high in the atmosphere when it reverted back.
2nd poster: Why is six scared of seven?
It should go on back and forth.
So im first.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
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Thread cleaned. Stay on topic or stay out
To meet the chick
Where was the chick?
Seraz007 said:
To meet the chick
Where was the chick?
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Under my bed.
Where was newton when an apple fell to his head?
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Out in international waters collecting shrimp harvest for thanksgiving.
What does red,white, and blue stand for?
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Well they are not colours. That I'm sure of.
How is your mother?
Sent from my panda
ArmorD said:
Well they are not colours. That I'm sure of.
How is your mother?
Sent from my panda
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Depressed...
and yours?
Alive
If you fart underwater,can the fish smell it?
Screaming idgaf with his windows down and his system up
south956 said:
If you fart underwater,can the fish smell it?
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Yes, fish have ears.
Whats the song that goes, "Grandma got ran over by a reindeer?"
The fourth symphony by Beethoven in his later years.
Why not?
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Why not not?
Why can't we eat bricks?
Sent through the Time Vortex!
Thousands of years ago,way before Tellytubbies, there was a clan of cavemen trying to perfect themselves. One did eat a brick but fell on said brick and got short term amnesia. He awoke and thought it was with his head that he broke this brick. This tradition has continued to this day and is known as karate, all for a clumsy,brick-eating man.
How did curiosity kill the cat?
Man run in front of car get tired. Man run behind car get exhausted.
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The cat was curious of where cats from, upon learning the the truth, it did suicide.
Why haven't cats taken over the world yet?
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404-Not Found said:
Why haven't cats taken over the world yet?
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
No opposable thumbs.
How long does thread have before I close it?
Archer said:
No opposable thumbs.
How long does thread have before I close it?
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
A lot longer than it would take for me to open another.
Why do one legged ducks swim in circles?
Because swimming in squares would be weird. They are one legged after all...
Why has Archer not closed this thread already?
Sent from my panda
ArmorD said:
Because swimming in squares would be weird. They are one legged after all...
Why has Archer not closed this thread already?
Sent from my panda
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Becoz Archer is nub.
Why all teh people are nubs?
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I dont know what nubs are but i aint a person imma dinosaur.
What did Peter Piper do with all the pecks of pickled pepper that he picked?
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the road can move, but the chicken can't
Why am i soo stupid?
Ninja'd......
Because you have your eyes closed
How is that even possible?
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Longest Song

Hi everyone just now got this silly thought in my mind..
What is the "longest song" currently present in your MP3(mobile) ?
Pls give Some details of the song...i would like to listen yours favourites too,,cause I am a music lover...
Hope U Find This Interesting
Fortune Days by Glitch Mob.
Warning; electronic.
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LaizureBoy said:
Fortune Days by Glitch Mob.
Warning; electronic.
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Click to expand...
Click to collapse
How long?
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hanisod said:
How long?
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Click to expand...
Click to collapse
six minutes and twenty seconds
Dante's Inferno by iced earth
17 minutes
darkshadow246 said:
Dante's Inferno by iced earth
17 minutes
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Wow. Genre?
I've never looked for the longest song , but I did it now. My logest song is
The Hitman - Young And Free (8:17) :victory:
If you never listening it, you have to do it now
cascabel said:
Wow. Genre?
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Heavy metal
The song's pretty decent
LaizureBoy said:
six minutes and twenty seconds
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Meh
I have songs that's 9 minutes long
Like Wuxia by Mitchel Claxton, Trance
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Maybe dream theater - illuminated theory - 22min
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Story Of Evil by Mothy ( Master Of The Heavenly Yard )...
I win , where is my prize ?
Edit. Then again, it a series of songs telling a story...
I lost the prize ; - ; )
PS. In case someone is going to look it up, prepare dozens of tissues next to you...
Your welcome...
Sent from my Note 3 powered by Omega v9
Vocaloid fan? Check out this thread!
Mountain Jam - Allman Brothers - 33:40 minutes
Flaming Lips. 7 Skies H3. 24 hours. http://www.satelliteheartradio.com/24/
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Nyan cat.
[A gorilla dies for every smartphone.
Stop using gorilla glass and save planet earth]
deathnotice01 said:
Nyan cat.
[A gorilla dies for every smartphone.
Stop using gorilla glass and save planet earth]
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
You mean, this version!
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LoopDoGG79 said:
You mean, this version!
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Click to expand...
Click to collapse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eh7lp9umG2I
sent from my muffin
LoopDoGG79 said:
You mean, this version!
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Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Iirc there's a site where that song(?) continues indefinitely.. Am i even making sense? I think i just killed the english language.
Over a hour of dubstep lmfao just aall dubstep songs in 1 song
also another sogn with some techno beats / jumpstyle, but for a single song its around like 6 minutes, called driver thru
Dream Theater's "Six Degrees of Inner Turbulence" is the longest song I have at 41 mins. It's a single song/track but it has 8 parts, an intro, six parts describing six different people suffering from different psychological disorders from bipolar to dissociative identity disorder, followed by a finale. It's pretty fantastic.
Besides Dream Theater (they have a bunch of long songs) and live versions of songs, Iron Maiden's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner" is near the top too, at close to 14 minutes. It's Samuel Taylor Coleridge's poem of the same title adapted to an epic song. It's also one of my favorites!
There's no point of songs that long
I'm not gonna listen to a 41 minute song
I would rather prefer listening to ten other songs
sent from my muffin

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