Database Develop

Tell a Joke

Do what it says on the tin (title) lol
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

Here's a joke....
Archer : Hey did you search before starting this thread?
Zd0s : Yes.
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Archer said:
Here's a joke....
Archer : Hey did you search before starting this thread?
Zd0s : Yes.
Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2
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Hahaha. I love this joke.
Sent from my XDA using HTC Vision.

What Simpsons episode is this?

I remember watching it many years ago. What I remember of it is that Springfield is under a heat wave and everyone seeks shelter in Springfield Elementary for its cooling system. Edna Krabapple is outside greeting people.
This cool looking guy with a leather jacket enters, saying: "Edna K" or something similar. Then this big black guy (Fat Albert?) with a red shirt enters, saying: "hey hey hey" in a very deep voice.
What episode am I talking about?

Theshawty said:
What episode am I talking about?
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errrrrrm.....
The one that you just described?
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conantroutman said:
errrrrrm.....
The one that you just described?
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Well, the thing is, I don't remember which season and which episode it is, hence why I'm posting here.

"Bart of Darkness" is the first episode sixth season

lamborg said:
"Bart of Darkness" is the first episode sixth season
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That's not the one.

Theshawty said:
That's not the one.
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Is it Poppa's Got a Brand New Badge or I don't know.

Favourite movie quotes

As the topic name suggests, this is to tell us all your favourite movie quotes. There are tons of brilliant quotes out there from all different types of movies.
I'll start off with a quote from Snatch.
"Why's he called a bullet dodger?" "Because he dodges bullets, Avi"
Lets see what you've got
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i dont know about movie quotes,but i seriously like Archer's sign quote:
"i live by my own rules,nobody else's, not even my own"

"Hasta la vista, baby"
"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse"
"Follow the white rabbit."
"I trust everyone. It's the devil inside them I don't trust."

ok this one is mmy favorite :
" go pikachu , i choose you!!! "

the whole script of Scarface

"get away from her you *****!"
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Dragonoid said:
i dont know about movie quotes,but i seriously like Archer's sign quote:
"i live by my own rules,nobody else's, not even my own"
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I clearly like it too, and just in case people don't know it...
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Monty Python And The Holy Grail:
King - Please! Please good people! I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?
Peasant 1 - No one lives there.
K - Then who is your lord?
P1 - We don't have a lord.
K - What?
Peasant 2 - I told you, we're an anarco-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week. But all the decisions of that officer must be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting; by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs-
K - Be quiet!
P2 - but by a two-thirds majority in the case of more serious-
K - Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!
P1 - Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Ha!
K - I am your king!
P1 - Well I didn't vote for you.

d12unk13astard said:
"get away from her you *****!"
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Deathly Hallows, right?
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KidCarter93 said:
Deathly Hallows, right?
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Sigourney Weaver in
Aliens
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Ah right. Harry Potter was the first thing in my head lol.
Noel Clarke in Adulthood - "Are you dizzy blud?"
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james bond in .....welll.....james bond films
" the name is bond ......james bond "

"He said the sheriff is near."
Then there is this from FMJ......
Door Gunner: Git some! Git some! Git some, yeah, yeah, yeah! Anyone who runs, is a VC. Anyone who stands still, is a well-disciplined VC! You guys oughta do a story about me sometime!
Private Joker: Why should we do a story about you?
Door Gunner: 'Cuz I'm so ****in' good! I done got me 157 dead gooks killed. Plus 50 water buffalo, too! Them's all confirmed!
Private Joker: Any women or children?
Door Gunner: Sometimes!
Private Joker: How can you shoot women or children?
Door Gunner: Easy! Ya just don't lead 'em so much! Ain't war hell?

For the people who may know this
Kitne aadami the (hindi movie)
Translation : how many people?
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"Why so serious?" That quote's perfect for so many situations xD
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"Winter is coming." -Starks
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KidCarter93 said:
... Harry Potter ...
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"NYAHHHH"

Knocked Up:
- Isn't it weird how chairs exist even when you're not sitting on them?

Too Many To List....
Now you's can't leave
Looks like someone we know
Is that velvet?
Does the real Caesar live here?
Is this hotel pager friendly?

" I'll be back"
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Support a fellow Android user

I'll try to make this as short as possible. I'm involved in a media propaganda war with TLC, My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding and The Gypsy Sisters and their third rate reality stars over the slander and misrepresentation of me and my people. As of now, fans of theshow and a couple of the stars of the show have actually made a hate page about me at
www.getalifejackpearce.com
I have a page on Facebook called Jack Pearce Fan Club that someone made for me to show support for me. I've been accused of a lot of things falsely. It would mean a lot to me if since of you could stop by and just like the page for me. These shows are complete trash and are making a mockery out if me and my family and I can't take it any longer. Thanks everyone.
P.S. They own iPhones exclusively and think they are the best phones made.
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jackpearce said:
I'll try to make this as short as possible. I'm involved in a media propaganda war with TLC, My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding and The Gypsy Sisters and their third rate reality stars over the slander and misrepresentation of me and my people. As of now, fans of theshow and a couple of the stars of the show have actually made a hate page about me at
www.getalifejackpearce.com
I have a page on Facebook called Jack Pearce Fan Page that someone made for me to show support for me. I've been accused of a lot of things falsely. It would mean s lot to me if since of you could stop by and just like the page for me. These shows are complete trash and are making a mockery out if me and my family and I can't take it any longer. Thanks everyone.
P.S. They own iPhones exclusively and think they are the best phones made.
Sent from my SGH-T889 using xda premium
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I was going to say, most times when someone makes a thread asking to like a Facebook page, it usually gets locked pretty quick. But since you mentioned those you are against are iPhone fanboys, I'll consider it.
Sent from my Galaxy Note 10.1!

I appreciate it. You don't even have to like it. I wasn't fishing for likes I promise. Just some support. But if it gets locked, I'll understand
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If you're so seriously offended why have you not used a serious medium to wage your "war"? Obviously litigation comes to mind, arguing over facebook is rather juvenile in my opinion and it seems to turn "causes" into fashion rather than actually accomplishing anything.

jackpearce said:
...
www.getalifejackpearce.com
...
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That has to be the ****tiest website i visited in a long time.

race55 said:
That has to be the ****tiest website i visited in a long time.
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Agreed, who made that website, a pair of mentally impaired monkeys?
Sent from the phalanges of my hand to the facet of your cranium.

Whew....made it.....
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Wait? It's a website? It just looks like a bunch of iPad screenshots tiled to cover the full area?
I mean it obviously IS a bunch of iPad screenshots tiled to cover the full area, I just want to draw attention to that.
I also love that they're hosted by GoDaddy.

063_XOBX said:
If you're so seriously offended why have you not used a serious medium to wage your "war"? Obviously litigation comes to mind, arguing over facebook is rather juvenile in my opinion and it seems to turn "causes" into fashion rather than actually accomplishing anything.
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I understand your point. But that's not how gypsies do things. We like drama. Lol. Appreciate your advice though
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And it is amateurish for sure. It's mostly meant to offend me and insinuate lies as truth. I'm am a romanychal, or Gypsy as you would call me. The show is very degrading and we have done everything we can to stop it. I guess I just wanted a place to vent that wasn't biased. I appreciate the moderators letting me go this far. I really love xda and its members for helping me to enjoy my phones the way I want to.
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jackpearce said:
P.S. They own iPhones exclusively and think they are the best phones made.
Sent from my SGH-T889 using xda premium
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iPhones!?!?!?!!?!?!

jackpearce said:
that's not how gypsies do things. We like drama.
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the slander and misrepresentation of me and my people
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It's still racist if it's your own race.

063_XOBX said:
It's still racist if it's your own race.
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What's still racist?
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jackpearce said:
What's still racist?
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this

jackpearce said:
What's still racist?
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To say gypsies love drama, despite the fact that you are one, doesn't make it any less racist.
Sent from the phalanges of my hand to the facet of your cranium.

IB4L
Sent from my sending thing..
Stupid Macbook Air can't fly

Get a life....
Thread closed
Sent from my Nexus⁴

Stupid question? Stupid answer!

What's this all about, you ask? Well, it's simple, really. You ask a question, someone gives you an answer. Yes, I know, that's no fun. Here's how you spice it up.
Ask a stupid question. The next person who replies gives you a stupid answer, and then asks their own stupid question.
OK, I get it, you need examples, so try this on for size:
----------
1st poster: Why is the sky blue?
----------
2nd poster: Because gravity was suddenly reversed for short period of time, and a bunch of water was suspended high in the atmosphere when it reverted back.
2nd poster: Why is six scared of seven?
It should go on back and forth.
So im first.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
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Thread cleaned. Stay on topic or stay out

To meet the chick
Where was the chick?

Seraz007 said:
To meet the chick
Where was the chick?
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Under my bed.
Where was newton when an apple fell to his head?
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Out in international waters collecting shrimp harvest for thanksgiving.
What does red,white, and blue stand for?
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Well they are not colours. That I'm sure of.
How is your mother?
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ArmorD said:
Well they are not colours. That I'm sure of.
How is your mother?
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Depressed...
and yours?

Alive
If you fart underwater,can the fish smell it?
Screaming idgaf with his windows down and his system up

south956 said:
If you fart underwater,can the fish smell it?
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Yes, fish have ears.
Whats the song that goes, "Grandma got ran over by a reindeer?"

The fourth symphony by Beethoven in his later years.
Why not?
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Why not not?
Why can't we eat bricks?
Sent through the Time Vortex!

Thousands of years ago,way before Tellytubbies, there was a clan of cavemen trying to perfect themselves. One did eat a brick but fell on said brick and got short term amnesia. He awoke and thought it was with his head that he broke this brick. This tradition has continued to this day and is known as karate, all for a clumsy,brick-eating man.
How did curiosity kill the cat?
Man run in front of car get tired. Man run behind car get exhausted.
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The cat was curious of where cats from, upon learning the the truth, it did suicide.
Why haven't cats taken over the world yet?
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404-Not Found said:
Why haven't cats taken over the world yet?
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No opposable thumbs.
How long does thread have before I close it?

Archer said:
No opposable thumbs.
How long does thread have before I close it?
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A lot longer than it would take for me to open another.
Why do one legged ducks swim in circles?

Because swimming in squares would be weird. They are one legged after all...
Why has Archer not closed this thread already?
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ArmorD said:
Because swimming in squares would be weird. They are one legged after all...
Why has Archer not closed this thread already?
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Becoz Archer is nub.
Why all teh people are nubs?
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I dont know what nubs are but i aint a person imma dinosaur.
What did Peter Piper do with all the pecks of pickled pepper that he picked?
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the road can move, but the chicken can't
Why am i soo stupid?

Ninja'd......
Because you have your eyes closed
How is that even possible?
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