So lately my wife has been working a lot of evening shifts, and for the past couple months has been carpooling with a male co-worker. At first I didn't mind, I would rather have someone with her in case she has car trouble or something like that, but it seems that they have become a little bit more than friends. You know the scenario, the phone calls that hangup, she starts wearing nice clothes to work, talking about him all the time, etc. I don't know what to think. If I'm out in the garage when she gets home (usually after midnight) he just drops her off and leaves, but if the lights are off in the garage and I'm in the house (they think I'm sleeping) they sit out in the car for like twenty minutes. I asked her once what they were doing, she said "just talking"....whatever.
So last night I decide that I'm going to see what really goes on out there. I leave the garage door open, but turn out all the lights. About the time she usually gets home, I go out and hide in the garage and wait. In a few minutes, his car pulls into my driveway, and I'm hiding behind my car. When his headlights shine through the garage and onto my car, I see something that I just can't believe. I had a big scratch on my Tilt screen. Do you think I should use screen protectors?
Yeah you should use one of those touchscreen finger protectors lol
http://phonefingers.com/
Sounds like your wife might be needing something like that too.
I must say the satire of this thread is classic!
lol yeah the first give away was
" she starts wearing nice clothes to work"
everybody know us males see clothes as binary
on and off and thats it
if friends family and coworkers gathered around me and
said that as a practical joke they had all been wearing the same
clothes every! day since i met them i would not be able to
100% write it off as a lie to tease me
nice one!
bR
?????
Thats soooo stupid.......Thats the dumbest story I ever heard .....
OK now install a screen guard and then get back on the case. you can use your tilt as a camera ,so hide next to the driveway with all the lights off in the house. when they start to talk, wait a few minuets until they get into the conversation and jump out and snap the photo. Then post here with update. we are all waiting. Also this would be a nice time to use her charge card for that 60" plasma hdtv. or if you ever thought of getting a Hummer H3! now might be a good time. share with her your fears, then while she's feeling guilty pop the Hummer or Plasma into the works. Start with the Hummer the shock will be so great that she will have no choice but to ok the Plasma! just a thought from Uncle Ed!
Yeah, as if he wouldn't receive the bill for that
very funny!! very creative man.....
Yes, it was a parody. Not my original idea... I saw it in an automotive forum and changed it a little. I thought it was funny so just wanted to share.
smuook said:
So lately my wife has been working a lot of evening shifts, and for the past couple months has been carpooling with a male co-worker. At first I didn't mind, I would rather have someone with her in case she has car trouble or something like that, but it seems that they have become a little bit more than friends. You know the scenario, the phone calls that hangup, she starts wearing nice clothes to work, talking about him all the time, etc. I don't know what to think. If I'm out in the garage when she gets home (usually after midnight) he just drops her off and leaves, but if the lights are off in the garage and I'm in the house (they think I'm sleeping) they sit out in the car for like twenty minutes. I asked her once what they were doing, she said "just talking"....whatever.
So last night I decide that I'm going to see what really goes on out there. I leave the garage door open, but turn out all the lights. About the time she usually gets home, I go out and hide in the garage and wait. In a few minutes, his car pulls into my driveway, and I'm hiding behind my car. When his headlights shine through the garage and onto my car, I see something that I just can't believe. I had a big scratch on my Tilt screen. Do you think I should use screen protectors?
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
ahahahhhaaa! that was great!
at first i was feeling sorry, till, then when i was at the line right before the surprised smiley face i really thought she was gonna do something, then i read the tilt scratch part. haha nice one!
smuook said:
Yes, it was a parody. Not my original idea... I saw it in an automotive forum and changed it a little. I thought it was funny so just wanted to share.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
LOL...at least you have your priorities right!!!!
lmao.. i was like? wtf?
But yeah.. these tilt screens SEEM like they can scratch a little easier than the previous 8525. Maybe my imagination?
I lol'd
.........
that IS brilliant
merry christmas
Some of the topics in Off-topic is really funny and interesting.
i was really enjoying ur story initially.......but after hearing the scratch part..i feel sorry for ya.
WAHAHAHAHA!! I love it! really funny!
LOL, more of this please
Cool
Great thread, mate. Now i have more reasons to visit Off-Topic. Cheers..
________________
Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
________________
F.E.A.R means **** EVERYTHING AND RUN.
Here is a thread just for jokes. I am in the right category since its about anything non-phone related. So lets all have fun.
Mrs. Bea, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been
married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.
The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring and
she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a
seat while she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump
organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl sitting on top of it,
filled with water. In the water floated, of all things,
a condom. Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity!
When she returned with tea and cookies, they began to chat.
The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and
its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him, and he could
resist no longer.
"Miss Bea," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this
(pointing to the bowl)?"
"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking downtown
last fall and I found this little package on the ground. The directions
said to put it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent disease.
And you know, I haven't had a cold all winter."
Three men approached the gate to heaven and as
there was only one opening left, the gatekeeper said
that whoever had the most remarkable and worthy death could enter.
He asked the first man how he died, and the man replied,
''Imagine this -- I suspected my wife was having an affair
behind my back and I wanted to find out the truth.
I came home from work one day to surprise her and catch her in the act.
When I searched the house I found her in the bathroom.
The mirror was fogged and she had a towel on but her hair
wasn't wet, so I knew she wasn't taking a shower.
I looked all around the house to find the guy.
I found ten fingers hanging onto the window sill outside.
I pounded them until he finally let go.
When he fell he landed in some bushes and
God must have loved him because he lived, so I threw the
refrigerator out the window to finish him off.
After all the excitement I fell dead of a heart attack.''
Then the gatekeeper asked the second man how he died. He replied,
''Imagine this -- I'm minding my own business on top of my
apartment building. I was riding one of those stationary
bicycles when the screws gave out and I flew off the side.
I reached out and caught a window sill, then some idiot
started pounding on my fingertips. When I fell I landed
in some bushes and God must have loved me because I lived.
But then that same idiot threw his
refrigerator out the window and it crushed me.''
''That, too, is horrible,'' said the gate keeper.
Then he asked the third man the same question.
His reply was, ''OK, imagine this, I'm naked in a refrigerator...''
A missionary in Africa realizes that the one thing he has
never taught the natives is how to speak English, so he
takes the chief for a walk in the forest.
He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."
The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."
The missionary is pleased with the response.
They walk a little farther and the missionary points to a
rock and says, "This is a rock."
Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."
The missionary is really getting enthusiastic about the results.
Then he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the
top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual
activity. The missionary is really flustered and quickly says,
"Riding a bike."
The chief looks at the couple briefly, he pulls out his
blow-gun and poisoned darts and kills them.
The missionary goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he
has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and kind
to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood
that way?
The chief replied, "My bike."
Subject: Mental hospital
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day
while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim
suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the
pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She
swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the medical director became aware of Edna's
heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from
the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.
When he went to tell Edna the news he said, "Edna,
I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being
discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a
crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient,
I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The
bad news is, Jim the patient you saved, hung Himself with his
bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. Now...
How soon can I go home?"
Senator's Choice
While walking down the street one day, a female senator is tragically
hit by a truck and dies. Her soul arrives in heaven and is met by St.
Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems
there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,
you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the woman.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is
have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose
where to spend eternity."
"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the
senator.
"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts her
to the elevator. And she goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open,
and she finds herself in the middle of a green golf course. In the
distance is a club and standing in front of it are all her friends and
other politicians who had worked with her. Everyone is very happy and in
evening dress.
They run to greet her, hug her, and reminisce about the good times they
had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly
game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the
Devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and
Telling jokes.
They are having such a good time that, before she realizes it, it is
time to go. Everyone gives her a big hug and waves while the elevator
rises. The elevator goes up, up, up, and the door reopens on Heaven
where St.Peter is waiting for her.
"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the head of state
joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing >the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before she realizes it,
the 24 hours have gone by, and St. Peter returns.
"Well, then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now,
choose the place where you want to spend eternity."
She reflects for a minute and then answers: "Well, I would never have
said it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be
better off in Hell."
So Saint Peter escorts her to the elevator, and she goes down, down,
down to Hell. Now, the doors of the elevator open, and she is in the
middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. She sees all her
friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black
bags. And it's hot, hot, hot. Sweltering hot. Hot and miserable. The
Devil comes over to her and lays his arm on her neck.
"I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here, and
there was a golf course and club, and we ate lobster and caviar and
danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of
garbage, and my friends look miserable."
The Devil looks at her, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were
campaigning... today you voted for us."
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America.....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER ~~~~
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
~~~~~
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label
instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????..)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.
The couple was 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.
Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.
They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.
They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now."
The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.
"Why, nothing," Peter replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."
The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf
course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
"What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man.
"This is heaven," St. Peter replied. "You can play for free every day."
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts, and free flowing beverages.
"Don't even ask," said St Peter to the man.
"This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked.
"That's the best part," St. Peter replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"
The old man pushed, "No gym to work out at?"
"Not unless you want to," was the answer.
"No testing my sugar or blood pressure or cholesterol ?"
"Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
The old man glared at his wife and said, "You and your bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago."
A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to
indicate that they wanted to have intercourse without
letting their children in on it. They decided on the
word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter,
"Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her
mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a
letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the
typewriter."
The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.
A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy
that he can type that letter now."
The child told her father, returned to her mother
and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the
typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
Let's look at a few rather important topics to prove this:
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they
will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.
If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla,
Peanut-Pecker and Schmucko.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will
each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None
of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually
admit they want some change back. The girls get their bill,
out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay
$1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothpaste,
toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and
a towel from the Holiday Inn.; The average number of
items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.No man will
be able to identify most of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a
man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
CATS
Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women
aren't looking, men kick cats.
THE FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting she won't change
and she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get
the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women
somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She
knows about dentist appointments and romances, best
friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and
dreams. A man is vaguely aware
of short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Every married man should forget his mistakes. There's
no use in two people remembering the same thing,
is there?
The last one is the best one man. Heres one from me:
Hung Chow calls into work and says
"Hey Boss, I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, tummy ache and sore leg. I not come work".
The Boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and ask her for Sex. That makes everything
better and I go work. You try that."
Two hours later Hung Chow calls his Boss and says "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you".
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, to".
A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt vaseline, would you tell anyone?"
"Hell no!", the guy said. The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?" The man said, "Of course not."
"Wanna go camping?"
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.
"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.
"Yes I do." she replied.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes I remember."
"Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"
"Yes I do", she replied.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."
Ok those were nice .. Here is another one for you .......
A business man met a beautiful girl and asked her to
spend the night with him for $500. And she did.
Before he left in the morning, he told her that he
did not have any cash with him, but that he would
have his secretary write a cheque and mail it to her,
calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."
On the way to the office, he regretted what he had
done, realizing that the whole event was not worth
the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for
$250 and enclosed a note:
Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque in the amount of $250 for rent
of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed
upon because when I rented the apartment I was under
the impression that:
(1) it had never been occupied;
(2) that there was plenty of heat;
(3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and at home
Last night, however, I found out that it had been
previously occupied, that there wasn't any heat,
and that it was entirely too large.
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned
the cheque for $250 with the following note:
Dear Sir,
First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a
beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how
to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is
indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough
furniture to fill
it, please don't blame the landlord
John went to his local Doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise me, and I mean it - not to laugh."
"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient.
"Ok then," John said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'tool' the doctor had seen in all his years.
Unable to control himself, the doctor fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.
"I'm so sorry," he said. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it absolutely will not happen again. Ever. Now what seems to be the problem?"
John "It's swollen!"
Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they
decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to
do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a
guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I'll be
parked around the corner."
She's not there 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How
much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says, "All I got is
thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks,
"What can he get for thirty?" "A hand job".
She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a
hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants,
and out pops this HUGE penis. She stares at it for a minute, and
then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back to Harry, and
asks, "Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?"
John and Jain were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 10th wedding anniversary Jain said "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon."
"As you wish," said John.
"Will we do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon?" asked Jain.
"Ok," said John.
"And will we make love like we did on our first honeymoon?" asked Jain.
"That's right," said John, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"
A young couple was golfing one day on a very exclusive
course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third
tee, the wife sliced her shot right through the large
front window of the biggest house along the course.
They walked up, knocked on the door and heard a voice
say, "Come on in."
When they opened the door, they saw glass everywhere
and a broken bottle lying on the floor. A man on the
couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"
The husband began to apologize, but the man cut him
off, "Actually, I want to thank you, I'm a genie who
was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot
released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes, so
what I'd like to do is give each of you one wish,
and I'll keep last one for myself."
"Fantastic!" said the husband. "I want a million
dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem,"
said the genie, "it's the least I can do."
"I want a house in every country in the world," said
the wife. "Consider it done," said the genie, "and
now for my wish. Because I've been trapped in that
bottle, I haven't had sex in a really long time. My
wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband looked over at his wife and said, "Well,
we did get a lot of money and all those houses...If
you don't mind honey, I don't either." The wife
agreed.
The genie took her upstairs and ravished her for 3
hours. After he was through, the genie looked at the
wife and asked, "How old is you husband, anyway?"
"Twenty-five," said the wife.
"And he still believes in genies?"
Wife: Suggest a password for our computer.
Husband: PENIS.
Wife types 'PENIS' and falls off chair laughing because the computer says: REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH!
Gay Man Meets Saint Peter
Once, a gay man went to heaven. At the Great Gate,
Saint Peter was waiting for him. After rewieving
his records Saint Pete decided to let him in.
"Follow me" he said, opening the gate and walking
in.
After some walk, Saint Pete's keys accidentally fell
on the ground. Unaware, he bent over to pick up the
keys. That was something the gay man just couldn't
resist, so he jumped on him and did his thing. Saint
Pete was furious. "If you do that again, You'll go
straight to hell! But follow me, we're almost there."
After some more walk, Pete dropped his keys again,
and again, the gay man jumped on him. Saint Pete was
even more furious than before, but decided to give the
gay guy one last chance.
Again they walk and for the third time Pete drops his
keys, so he bends over and picks them up. The gay guy,
having no self control jumps on him. Pete is now fed
up and sends the gay guy straight to hell.
A few weeks later, Saint Pete goes down to hell for
his routine inspection, but this time something is
wrong, it is freezing, no fire, no lava and in one
corner, he finds the devil lying under a stack of
blankets freezing his ass of.
"Why is it so god damn cold down here? "Pete asks.
"Well you just try bending down for firewood!!"
The devil replied.
I got to spend a good bit of loving time with a friend's Transformer today, and was rather surprised to discover that even with the 10-inch display and long battery life, the weight is shockingly close to the same as the diminutive NC. Why is that?
Rodney
In my experience the nook is a heck of a lot lighter than any 10in tab I've held but I've never used a transformer.
Sent from my NookColor using Tapatalk
rhester72 said:
I got to spend a good bit of loving time with a friend's Transformer today, and was rather surprised to discover that even with the 10-inch display and long battery life, the weight is shockingly close to the same as the diminutive NC. Why is that?
Rodney
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
weight: NC 450g Transformer 680g
Because it's filled with love.
A long time ago I worked for a boiler room calling people up to tell them they won "one of five fantastic gifts" ranging from a camera to a new car. Well, because it was a scam the only prize that I ever heard being given out was a Yashita (no, not Yashica the once reputable photographic equipment company) 35mm camera.
Anyway, the crooks that ran the place decided that top sales that night would get one of the "fantastic" Yashita cameras. I was the lucky winner. The heft of the thing was impressive and it even came with an electronic flash!
I was so excited that on the way home from work I bought batteries and some film to try out my prize. A few days later I go to pick up the pictures from the drug store only to my confusion there were no prints in the envelope at all. Every single frame on the negative was black! A note attached that said something to the effect that maybe I should make sure the lens cap is off next time. Arrgh. The first thing I did when I got home was closely inspect the camera for light leaks but started noticing that there were numerous blocks of lead filling voids of the interior which gave a false sense weight (i.e. quality). After seeing that I gave up trying to find the problem as it lived up to the YaSHITa name. A few weeks later the owners of the business skipped town and screwed all of the employees out of that week's pay.
The weight of the Nook Color is probably attributed to the battery and metal framed housing on the back of the unit. The above camera story didn't really have anything to do with this but I wanted to tell it anyway.
rhester72 said:
I got to spend a good bit of loving time with a friend's Transformer today, and was rather surprised to discover that even with the 10-inch display and long battery life, the weight is shockingly close to the same as the diminutive NC. Why is that?
Rodney
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
It aint heavy....its my NOOK!!!
there is a kernel script to lower it!
I would say all the weight is in the bezel, my friend has a galaxy tab 7" and it is around 100 grams lighter although it feels more than that when comparing them. I guess the trade off is that I like the look of the nook color more than the galaxy tab 7.
Imbroglio said:
A long time ago I worked for a boiler room calling people up to tell them they won "one of five fantastic gifts" ranging from a camera to a new car. Well, because it was a scam the only prize that I ever heard being given out was a Yashita (no, not Yashica the once reputable photographic equipment company) 35mm camera.
Anyway, the crooks that ran the place decided that top sales that night would get one of the "fantastic" Yashita cameras. I was the lucky winner. The heft of the thing was impressive and it even came with an electronic flash!
I was so excited that on the way home from work I bought batteries and some film to try out my prize. A few days later I go to pick up the pictures from the drug store only to my confusion there were no prints in the envelope at all. Every single frame on the negative was black! A note attached that said something to the effect that maybe I should make sure the lens cap is off next time. Arrgh. The first thing I did when I got home was closely inspect the camera for light leaks but started noticing that there were numerous blocks of lead filling voids of the interior which gave a false sense weight (i.e. quality). After seeing that I gave up trying to find the problem as it lived up to the YaSHITa name. A few weeks later the owners of the business skipped town and screwed all of the employees out of that week's pay.
The weight of the Nook Color is probably attributed to the battery and metal framed housing on the back of the unit. The above camera story didn't really have anything to do with this but I wanted to tell it anyway.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
lol, nice. by the time i got to the end I had forgotten what the thread was about
I would tell my friends "not to load too much of apps on the NC since they would make it heavy"
It's all in your head. The Transformer weighs in at 25-26 ounces where the nook Color weighs about 15 ounces.
I really don't think so. I haven't actually weighed the devices myself, but I've had 3 people compare them, and nobody believes the Transformer weighs twice as much as the Nook. By feel, they are very nearly identical.
Rodney
rhester72 said:
I really don't think so. I haven't actually weighed the devices myself, but I've had 3 people compare them, and nobody believes the Transformer weighs twice as much as the Nook. By feel, they are very nearly identical.
Rodney
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
lol, it is all in your head and your friends heads as well. My brother has a Transformer and it's the one thing he complains about that it's so much heavier than the nook and doesn't make it ideal for reading.
Having tried both, you can easily feel the difference in weight, and if you can't then you must have one seriously weak arm!!
Just put mine on a very accurate scale and i must have a nook light. Its only 440gm. Guess my nook doesn't need a diet.
Sent from my NookColor using XDA Premium App
rhester72 said:
I really don't think so. I haven't actually weighed the devices myself, but I've had 3 people compare them, and nobody believes the Transformer weighs twice as much as the Nook. By feel, they are very nearly identical.
Rodney
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
The perceived weight differences is probably caused by the way in which the two devices are held. Since the nook is smaller, you hold it more with your fingers rather than your palm. If you're conceptualizing the weight via the torque you feel on your wrist then the device more held with the fingers is going to "feel" heavier. The larger device is held more with the palm, thus less torque on the wrist.
Could be completely wrong, but it sure sounds like it could be right.
Sent from my Nook Color using Tapatalk pro
Imbroglio said:
...The above camera story didn't really have anything to do with this but I wanted to tell it anyway.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
LMAO, thanks for the read!
Nburnes said:
Because it's filled with love.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Ha ha ha! I love it.
worst thread ever what the crap
Along with how you hold it, the weight is going to be distributed differently between the bigger and smaller device. So if you were say holding it flat on your palm to gauge it's heft, then obviously it's going to feel lighter.
The truth is, if B&N were to make a 10' nook it would most likely be heavier than the transformer. Every review I read for the transformer said it felt cheap compared to other 10' tablets and that it was lighter... Not necessarily a good thing, especially when there was originally a shortage on them.
Yep, checking texts and yep, BAM...Snatched and sprint.
Police report or Tracing did nothing.
Anyone know of cases that also have chains?
Thanks
The official Samsung protective case has a slot for a lanyard, but I doubt it'd be strong enough to withstand it being snatched from your hands (or you might be left with a case and no phone)
I think some of the aluminium bumper cases have lanyard slots and they'd be a much safer bet for something like this. If I'm mistaken about the lanyard slot you could also insert one between the headphone port and the 2nd microphone, but that might cause issues with noise cancellation.
I think a lanyard with the official sammy case will stop a snatched and grab.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using xda app-developers app
we'll have concealed carry here is a few more days, so that will stop some a-hole from stealing your stuff...hard to believe this is the only state in the country where you still cant...
If you have a strong enough lanyard, just find a case that works with it. Make sure it is a tough case and it will be strong enough to stay and not break or at least make the snatcher think it isn't worth it to take one.
------------------------
Sprint Galaxy S3
Whiplashh Rom
Look it up.
wase4711 said:
we'll have concealed carry here is a few more days, so that will stop some a-hole from stealing your stuff...hard to believe this is the only state in the country where you still cant...
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Yep glock on my butt crack n gerber auto knife in pocket...but if you shoot a fool for that your goin to jail lol,although if its on your hip not concealed and its seen it might detur (sp) somebody trying to rob you....thats f#cked up man sorry
Bit of a sidetrack, but regarding the 'carry a gun' thing, no. Showing a gun on your hip doesn't scare away the really motivated criminals.
It makes you target #1.
And a good video to go along with the info:
Ignore the comments because as usual, on Youtube they're half ignorant and half truthful and half bat-poop insane and half of all phrases using "half" are made up percentages.
This might be a good off-topic conversation so as not to derail the current thread...
That's terrible about your phone getting stolen. Over the weekend I saw this on the news (see link below) about thieves stealing phones and selling them at the mall. I never heard or seen these kiosks before.
http://video.msnbc.msn.com/nightly-news/52009921
I wonder if something like a Sling Grip or Fly Grip would reduce the chances of someone taking the phone out of your hands. It's not full proof, but it could hinder the thief.
wase4711 said:
we'll have concealed carry here is a few more days, so that will stop some a-hole from stealing your stuff...hard to believe this is the only state in the country where you still cant...
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
you cant in MD. there trying to change it but its going to take forever
apallohadas said:
Bit of a sidetrack, but regarding the 'carry a gun' thing, no. Showing a gun on your hip doesn't scare away the really motivated criminals.
It makes you target #1.
And a good video to go along with the info:
Ignore the comments because as usual, on Youtube they're half ignorant and half truthful and half bat-poop insane and half of all phrases using "half" are made up percentages.
This might be a good off-topic conversation so as not to derail the current thread...
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
This video doesn't even talk about the visible presence of a gun being a crime deterrent. Unless you mean concealed carry instead of showing a gun on your hip.
However I do agree with the majority of the points presented.
Going to geek out for a second, but if the perceived reward for the criminal is greater than the perception of the sanction against the act (i.e. getting shot or caught), then the criminal will try to 'get er done' anyway.
In other words, if the person open carrying looks like a target, they will still be a target, but now with a higher priority and more likely to receive a violent opening to the event.
The average Joe doesn't practice with their firearms anywhere near to the level of a soldier or law enforcer. Their retention self defense is minimal along with the very popular Serpa holsters or Uncle Mike's holsters that allow anyone to yank really hard and pull out the weapon.
All that being said, I'm a big fan of concealed carry.
Concealed carry is the dumbest argument for this kind of situation. What would you do? The person snatched it from your hands. A concealed (can't be seen) wouldn't deter the person. You weren't vigilant enough to stop that from happening so you're going to pull your gun and put other innocent people at risk?
And a gun on the hip and can be seen is a bigger danger as far as I'm concerned. One sucker punch and an opportunistic criminal is taking that gun off of you. Another gun on the streets in the wrong hands.
I'm not against guns and all that...I just think some clueless people that watch too much TV think they can go buy a gun and go to the range once a year and all of a sudden are experts on self defense.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to have to kill someone over a cell phone. There's no telling if that person that took off with the phone is carrying either and I don't know about where you live, but here it's usually a group of teens and they could care less about really running half the time. You just have to know to be vigilant when things seem fishy. And if you ride public transportation watch at all stops.
rquinn19 said:
Concealed carry is the dumbest argument for this kind of situation. What would you do? The person snatched it from your hands. A concealed (can't be seen) wouldn't deter the person. You weren't vigilant enough to stop that from happening so you're going to pull your gun and put other innocent people at risk?
And a gun on the hip and can be seen is a bigger danger as far as I'm concerned. One sucker punch and an opportunistic criminal is taking that gun off of you. Another gun on the streets in the wrong hands.
I'm not against guns and all that...I just think some clueless people that watch too much TV think they can go buy a gun and go to the range once a year and all of a sudden are experts on self defense.
I don't know about you, but I don't want to have to kill someone over a cell phone. There's no telling if that person that took off with the phone is carrying either and I don't know about where you live, but here it's usually a group of teens and they could care less about really running half the time. You just have to know to be vigilant when things seem fishy. And if you ride public transportation watch at all stops.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
+1
Sent from the TermiNOTEr 2!
Say if you were to wear a chain when the thief was snatching your phone, you'd end up injured. Any material thing isnt worth your well being, man......... or woman.
Sent from my GT-N7100 using Tapatalk 2
apallohadas said:
Bit of a sidetrack, but regarding the 'carry a gun' thing, no. Showing a gun on your hip doesn't scare away the really motivated criminals.
It makes you target #1.
And a good video to go along with the info:
Ignore the comments because as usual, on Youtube they're half ignorant and half truthful and half bat-poop insane and half of all phrases using "half" are made up percentages.
This might be a good off-topic conversation so as not to derail the current thread...
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I cant believe he did so poorly even with all his air soft experience lolol, but who ever said this wont happen cause you are getting a cpl, you dont deserve one. If the theif snachted your phone and ran by time you deployed gun lined up a shot at his back as he ran away from you all yoi would do is put more people at risk
Sent from my SGH-T889 using Tapatalk 2
Sorry, I'm the OP and been ultra busy for days.
Regarding gun carry, I had two of them and didn't stop the snatch and sprinter.
(ok...I'm kind of kidding but I'm a personal trainer, 210pds fit with arms (guns) exposed etc. Stupid joke but....it's all about surprise and speed....and I am (very) fast...a sprinter!
Was a stereotypical 16yr kid, black hoodie, 145 and f a s t! That's his weapon.
I took off but didn't have a chance.
Really crowded sat afternoon in Chicago too... he ran down an alley...I screamed: 'stop him'...guys at the other end of the alley had 5 sec or more to react but just stood dumbfounded and watched him run by. (I guarantEE U, I would have stopped him and enjoyed it, had roles been reversed).
Cop said it's the #1 911 in all of Chicago now.
Easiest $200-$300 to snatch.
Why can't stolen devices be made completely unusable by Samsung/carriers...like completely.
It' d solve the problem.
Nurra said:
Say if you were to wear a chain when the thief was snatching your phone, you'd end up injured. Any material thing isnt worth your well being, man......... or woman.
Sent from my GT-N7100 using Tapatalk 2
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I think the visible chain would be a deterrent....they do size up their victims, and seeing that...would likely have them look elsewhere.
If it didn't, don't think much of an injury would occur.
I'm not joining the carrying the argument. All sides have valid points. Although, I did find the two videos interesting.
As for your case situation, it's hard to say what would work best. Not much if you're just using a cheapy TPU case. If you had something like a Defender, you could cut slots, feed some material, like what is used for dog leashes. On the end, inside the phone, I would super glue it to flat piece of strong plastic or metal. The other end, super glue it to form a loop. The material would maintain comfort. Personally, I think it would get old fast.
As a general rule, to really prevent it, one needs to pay attention to what's going on around them. Obviously, you must have used the phone a bit earlier and the thief saw and followed you, noticed you weren't paying attention. We know the rest
Also, sorry to hear about your phone.
OP: Are you not setup with the Samsung tracking facility? I'm surprised nobody has asked yet?
-- From my N7102
rockky said:
Sorry, I'm the OP and been ultra busy for days.
Regarding gun carry, I had two of them and didn't stop the snatch and sprinter.
(ok...I'm kind of kidding but I'm a personal trainer, 210pds fit with arms (guns) exposed etc. Stupid joke but....it's all about surprise and speed....and I am (very) fast...a sprinter!
Was a stereotypical 16yr kid, black hoodie, 145 and f a s t! That's his weapon.
I took off but didn't have a chance.
Really crowded sat afternoon in Chicago too... he ran down an alley...I screamed: 'stop him'...guys at the other end of the alley had 5 sec or more to react but just stood dumbfounded and watched him run by. (I guarantEE U, I would have stopped him and enjoyed it, had roles been reversed).
Cop said it's the #1 911 in all of Chicago now.
Easiest $200-$300 to snatch.
Why can't stolen devices be made completely unusable by Samsung/carriers...like completely.
It' d solve the problem.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
If you report a phone as stolen, carriers would blacklist it from their network...of course, this would affect the buyer, not the thief
Sent from my HTCONE using Tapatalk 2