Related
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a
scotch and soda."
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
lol, nice jokes and thx for sharing it.
I especially like the "how old is your father" one and the "dinner choices' one
Really GOOD jokes, im LMAO!!!!
thanx for sharin' buddy..
My turn...
Q: How many software developers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Sorry dude, that's a hardware problem.
A man walks into a bar with a haddock under his arm and asks "Do you sell fish cakes?".
"Sorry but no", comes the reply.
"That's a shame", says he, "It's his birthday".
Old joke but funny (and about the only clean one i know !)
A guy walks in to a bar, grabs a stool and orders a drink. He takes a few sips when suddenly he hears a small voice say "thats a nice shirt", he looks round but theres nobody sitting by him, so he thinks nothing of it and starts drinking again, a few minutes later he hears "oh what a great tie" again he turns but again there's no one about, the barman sees him looking about and asks "problem sir ?" the guy tells the barman he keeps hearing a voice, the barman smiles and says "don't worry mate its just the complimentary nuts"
Forum members...
How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to
condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is
perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
How do I change a lightbulb?
You forgot the 6 that complain about the cost of changing a light bulb and want it done for free for them. And the 4 that tell the complainers "If you don't like the cost, then live in the dark."
...and the 287 that wait until the lightbulb has been changed and then ask when the next lightbulb will be fitted
Re: Lightbulb
You Lightbulb guys are amazing, one gotta look at the extent of your imagination, hats off to u, buddies. Love to b a part of this community.
Adieu..
Lightbulb...
...and then 1 weirdo (me) will post about what happed to the lightbulb when he got the mad idea of shocking the lightbulb with a taser gun before fitting it... hehe, I looks freakin cool guys, the electricity runs up and down between the wires and you can see little flames on each side!!
rohitsharman said:
You Lightbulb guys are amazing, one gotta look at the extent of your imagination, hats off to u, buddies. Love to b a part of this community.
Adieu..
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Hehe, I love my imagination and it loves me.. mix that with my signature (see below) and you'll be well on your way to a very interesting and fun filled life!!
It's an honour for me to also be part of this community!!
Addicted...
You know you are addicted to the Internet when...
You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home page.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01 or higher."
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
py2o|\|oI|) said:
You know you are addicted to the Internet when...
You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home page.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01 or higher."
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Good one, mate.
I think, i already have some of these symptoms in me..
....
rohitsharman said:
Good one, mate.
I think, i already have some of these symptoms in me..
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Then there's a good chance that you also have the following symptoms...
You can't sit through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends", but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
In computer shops, you eavesdrop on a salesman talking with customers, butt in to correct him and spend 20 minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesman stands by silently, nodding his head.
You back up your data every day.
On holiday, you read a computer manual and turn the pages faster than those who read John Grisham novels.
You go to trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you can't give someone directions to your house without looking up street names.
You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
You understand all these jokes.
If so, technology has taken over your life. We suggest you go lie under a tree and write a book.... and don't use a laptop!!
….I myself have a few of the above mentioned symptoms and it’s nothing to cause feelings of unworthiness, in fact I’m actually damn proud of it because that is what sets us apart from the human race, we’re part a breed with unique minds that surpasses those of normal beings and that makes our way of living much more advanced…. The end.
In computer shops, you eavesdrop on a salesman talking with customers, butt in to correct him and spend 20 minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesman stands by silently, nodding his head.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I do that at Best Buy all the time. They should higher smarter people!
py2o|\|oI|) said:
Then there's a good chance that you also have the following symptoms...
You back up your data every day.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
ha ha ha, i liked the 2nd one, and i do take a backup everyday.
My girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
Tech Support...
The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:
This fire help. Me Groog
Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.
You have flint and stone?
Ugh
You hit them together?
Ugh
What happen?
Fire not work.
Make spark?
No spark, no fire, me confused.
Fire work yesterday.
You change rock?
I change nothing
You sure?
Me make one change.
Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire.
*Grabs club and goes to Lorto's cave*
*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*
HI Guys
I received a mail from a friend to look at a website www.3coffer.com
They offer PDA's, Phones, PC's, Laptops, etc at amazingly low prices (an Apple powerpro for 250 euro!). It seems to be a Chinese website and maybe our Chinese friends from this forum can check this and if this site is scam, then we should spread the word or try to remove the website.
There are millions of websites out there that sell stuff, are you going to post about each one of them to see if it's spam or not???
You really should tell your friends to stop too. It's like those n00bs that like to forward all their friends about virus warnings. Because of those people forwarding those emails, the email spread further than the virus ever could!!!
_Alex_ said:
This is spam or not???
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
...................
Flaviopac: Eddyve has 200+ posts and seems to be member who actively participates, hence my warning instead of just a straight thread deletion....
after being with co.cc for a few months for my website theyve decided to change there T&C's so that after a year i have to pay
this would be doable however, my website receives no ££$$$ from donations yet and thereofre there is no money to buy it, and also if i was to buy a domain name it would be .com
my question is can anyone recoment a free doamin name service the supports url forwarding, a google apps email inclsion (CNAME) and wont flood my site with pop ups
NB
This is not a request for money or finacial help. its not spam as im not advertising or offering a service
jayjay8585 said:
after being with co.cc for a few months for my website theyve decided to change there T&C's so that after a year i have to pay
this would be doable however, my website receives no ££$$$ from donations yet and thereofre there is no money to buy it, and also if i was to buy a domain name it would be .com
my question is can anyone recoment a free doamin name service the supports url forwarding, a google apps email inclsion (CNAME) and wont flood my site with pop ups
NB
This is not a request for money or finacial help. its not spam as im not advertising or offering a service
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Thanks for the aclaration
well its getting harder and harder to see plianly as far as spam goes
have you thought about hosting it yourself and whoreing out space for google adsense?
yes theres still finacial issues
im waiting to get a job to do this kind of things
may consider selling omnia to get vbulletin
my mate has a server for me
and then i can do the domain
jayjay8585 said:
yes theres still finacial issues
im waiting to get a job to do this kind of things
may consider selling omnia to get vbulletin
my mate has a server for me
and then i can do the domain
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
what are the pricing rates of vbulletin? How many members do you have on your site and how many do you predict would be there by the start of 2010? I'd be willing to assist you in financially if we could break-even by 2011 via donations or whatever.
well the forum is still young we have 303 or so members
i predict to have to have 400 to 450
as for donations ive not recieved anything since it began
vbulletin is roughly
160 $
well if you click on my website in my sig you can see my forum that i host. it is called simple machines forum. i am sure that vbulletin is much better but simple machines forum is free.
well ive got a free foum it invision power board 1.4 final
it just the domain i need
You should really slow down and wait to get some more members. Once your somewhere in the 10,000 then you should get a VB.
well ppl thx for omments but i have solution
have domain and working on vbull thanks to quicksite
also forumer doesnt let me have db so i already hv 300+ members to add manually so 10000 isnt practical
jayjay, you you really check out IPB Boards too, there not as expensive as a vbulletin, That is, if you buy a REGISTERED board. But other than that, good luck.
im using the free version of IPB from forumer.com at the moment
but ive finally got iy sorted im going back to phpbb since im fimiliar with it and then i can keep cabs on the websirte natively
with the fre version iof IPB will not do
Some guy on ebay is trying to scam me. I sold him an LG Incite, right and so now he's trying to get his money back by claiming it freezes every time he does something. The phone, no doubt wasn't very fast, but I loaded wm 6.5 on it which was way faster than 6.1. He says it's gonna cost him "$30 to fix it". Ridiculous, and is going to ebay if I dont comply with refunding. I sent the phone stock 6.5 with all fixes and patches to help ease the many problems it had, so I know he's lying.
Either way if you listed all the issues or the condition of the phone there shouldn't be an issue with him going to ebay.
-I wrangled together some consonants and vowels and created this post-
Wait... That's you Llama?! Oops... I'll stop now.....
hehe just kidding but what a D*ck
Just send him here and tell him to load a custom ROM by himself, otherwise tell him to GTFO
i know a thing or two about ebay disputes , and heres what i can tell ya , dont comply , if he opens an ebay dispute , act really helpful and link stuff in that should fix it and act like you'd do anything to help him and link and link and link even more stuff , be sure to make a tut on how to go back to original rom ! if he says it doesnt help , link him another one ! and tell him to compare the performance to a youtube vid , and tell him to upload a youtube vid of his performance with the same rom and link it there in the dispute !! never reply to his insults ! and let him do all the complaining and b1tching ... when ebay reads the dispute , they will see hes a total pr1ck and hand you the dispute ...
souljaboy said:
i know a thing or two about ebay disputes , and heres what i can tell ya , dont comply , if he opens an ebay dispute , act really helpful and link stuff in that should fix it and act like you'd do anything to help him and link and link and link even more stuff , be sure to make a tut on how to go back to original rom ! if he says it doesnt help , link him another one ! and tell him to compare the performance to a youtube vid , and tell him to upload a youtube vid of his performance with the same rom and link it there in the dispute !! never reply to his insults ! and let him do all the complaining and b1tching ... when ebay reads the dispute , they will see hes a total pr1ck and hand you the dispute ...
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
This sounds pretty solid. Nice advice
souljaboy said:
i know a thing or two about ebay disputes , and heres what i can tell ya , dont comply , if he opens an ebay dispute , act really helpful and link stuff in that should fix it and act like you'd do anything to help him and link and link and link even more stuff , be sure to make a tut on how to go back to original rom ! if he says it doesnt help , link him another one ! and tell him to compare the performance to a youtube vid , and tell him to upload a youtube vid of his performance with the same rom and link it there in the dispute !! never reply to his insults ! and let him do all the complaining and b1tching ... when ebay reads the dispute , they will see hes a total pr1ck and hand you the dispute ...
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
To sum it up... never dispute with you?
Skellyyy said:
To sum it up... never dispute with you?
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
To quote Ambassador Mollari, "I do believe you have it surrounded, Mr. Morden."
Skellyyy said:
To sum it up... never dispute with you?
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
yea i kicked an ass or two
souljaboy said:
i know a thing or two about ebay disputes , and heres what i can tell ya , dont comply , if he opens an ebay dispute , act really helpful and link stuff in that should fix it and act like you'd do anything to help him and link and link and link even more stuff , be sure to make a tut on how to go back to original rom ! if he says it doesnt help , link him another one ! and tell him to compare the performance to a youtube vid , and tell him to upload a youtube vid of his performance with the same rom and link it there in the dispute !! never reply to his insults ! and let him do all the complaining and b1tching ... when ebay reads the dispute , they will see hes a total pr1ck and hand you the dispute ...
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
wow troll has some useful advice
T.C.P said:
wow troll has some useful advice
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
My thoughts exactly.
sakai4eva said:
My thoughts exactly.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
guess 2012 really is around the corner....
T.C.P said:
guess 2012 really is around the corner....
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
ppft im always helping , pain from getting trolled is weakness leaving the body
Okay, UPDATE! So, I did way troll said and all. Linked, yadada, ask for a youtube video and when I asked he opens a case. SAYING....
"the phone has multiple scratches on it and it keeps locking up all im asking for it a partial refund back to my card i took it to the att store and its gonna cost me 30 dollars to get it fixed"
I respond with:
"Hello. First off, it will not cost you $30 to fix anything because the phone isn't broken. I disclosed in the listing that the item was used and had scratching near the bottom. I took very good care of the phone and it was in 100% working condition when I sold it. As said in the listing, perfectly functional. I have given the buyer links to get rid of the custom firmware and restore it with stock at this link: http://www.lg-phones.org/lg-incite-rom-update.html. He said "it doesn't work" even though I have followed this tutorial myself and succeeded. I also asked him to show video proof of the performance so I could help him fix his "problem". He refused. If the buyer is willing, he can ship me the phone and I will flash the phone back to stock for him and re-send."
Yea, it's gonna cost him "$30 for the AT&T store" to "fix" his phone.
Haha Goodluck llama, Don't let him get his way
Guy bought another phone like the same day as mine. Warning the other seller as well
looks like your dealing with the species named >13-17 year old retarded american schoolboy(plague of the modern internets)<
"all im asking for"
haha , talking like a beggar ...
from that four words , you can see hes lazy and just in need of a quick buck .. ask him stuff you know hes not gonna be willing to do for the trouble , like ask for a paper with the required repairs names written on by at&t and the amount it would cost(signed and stamped , ofc)
stuff like that .. he'll give up/snap soon enuff
also , your kicking his ass (so far)... when he starts calling names(he will) , just keep it cool and professional
souljaboy said:
"all im asking for"
haha , talking like a beggar ... he'll give up/snap soon enuff
looks like your dealing with the species named >13-17 year old retarded american schoolboy(plague of the modern internets)<
also , your kicking his ass (so far)... when he starts calling names(he will) , just keep it cool and professional
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
He's 22. I looked him up on FB Oh the joys of people putting there info out there like that.
Paypal has already "held" the funds. Just checked. Do they do this for all of these cases?
Purple Drama Llama said:
He's 22. I looked him up on FB Oh the joys of people putting there info out there like that.
Paypal has already "held" the funds. Just checked. Do they do this for all of these cases?
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
always do ... i updated my above post with some more usefulness/ideas
22 ... so then hes just on that level ... saddens me ppl 22 write like theyre 12 ..
souljaboy said:
always do ... i updated my above post with some more usefulness/ideas
22 ... so then hes just on that level ... saddens me ppl 22 write like theyre 12 ..
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
So true. Thanks, that's FANTASTIC advice! Will do. He only replies to things at like, 11-12:00 AM so, we'll see what he says then. I'm just worried Paypal/eBay might hand the dispute to him after reading so many horror stories from here, and online.
Guys check this out, Nook Color is just at 99 USD ! Isn't it an killer deal ?
http://www.bandtcommodities.com/nook-color-1/
Unbelievable.
But I don't know how reliable is the site. May be you guys can say
and thanks to archat68 for finding this deal.
PS - If site is unreliable or something like that, please report the thread or PM me, I will remove links.
EDIT : - DO NOT BUY ! found out it's scam site.
http://slickdeals.net/forums/showthread.php?t=3389966
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lawson electronix
Readers might want to view this link first....
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lawson%20electronix
So it's a scam site
I used to think the U.S.A. is a great place with great people but day by day, I see more and more scumbags. I don't know why the government hasn't done anything to stop those kind of business. Why not hunt them down, lock them in the cell for a long time.
It's almost like they know the problem but they just let it be and don't care.
Why not just remove the link completely rather than include an edit disclaimer at the bottom, that way there's no chance someone will buy it without reading your whole post.
I'll admit I'm guilty of not reading posts all the way through.
I thought it other way, by putting link, thought it'd make members aware for future purchases.