Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a
scotch and soda."
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
lol, nice jokes and thx for sharing it.
I especially like the "how old is your father" one and the "dinner choices' one
Really GOOD jokes, im LMAO!!!!
thanx for sharin' buddy..
My turn...
Q: How many software developers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Sorry dude, that's a hardware problem.
A man walks into a bar with a haddock under his arm and asks "Do you sell fish cakes?".
"Sorry but no", comes the reply.
"That's a shame", says he, "It's his birthday".
Old joke but funny (and about the only clean one i know !)
A guy walks in to a bar, grabs a stool and orders a drink. He takes a few sips when suddenly he hears a small voice say "thats a nice shirt", he looks round but theres nobody sitting by him, so he thinks nothing of it and starts drinking again, a few minutes later he hears "oh what a great tie" again he turns but again there's no one about, the barman sees him looking about and asks "problem sir ?" the guy tells the barman he keeps hearing a voice, the barman smiles and says "don't worry mate its just the complimentary nuts"
Forum members...
How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to
condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is
perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
How do I change a lightbulb?
You forgot the 6 that complain about the cost of changing a light bulb and want it done for free for them. And the 4 that tell the complainers "If you don't like the cost, then live in the dark."
...and the 287 that wait until the lightbulb has been changed and then ask when the next lightbulb will be fitted
Re: Lightbulb
You Lightbulb guys are amazing, one gotta look at the extent of your imagination, hats off to u, buddies. Love to b a part of this community.
Adieu..
Lightbulb...
...and then 1 weirdo (me) will post about what happed to the lightbulb when he got the mad idea of shocking the lightbulb with a taser gun before fitting it... hehe, I looks freakin cool guys, the electricity runs up and down between the wires and you can see little flames on each side!!
rohitsharman said:
You Lightbulb guys are amazing, one gotta look at the extent of your imagination, hats off to u, buddies. Love to b a part of this community.
Adieu..
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Hehe, I love my imagination and it loves me.. mix that with my signature (see below) and you'll be well on your way to a very interesting and fun filled life!!
It's an honour for me to also be part of this community!!
Addicted...
You know you are addicted to the Internet when...
You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home page.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01 or higher."
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
py2o|\|oI|) said:
You know you are addicted to the Internet when...
You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home page.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01 or higher."
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Good one, mate.
I think, i already have some of these symptoms in me..
....
rohitsharman said:
Good one, mate.
I think, i already have some of these symptoms in me..
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Then there's a good chance that you also have the following symptoms...
You can't sit through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends", but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
In computer shops, you eavesdrop on a salesman talking with customers, butt in to correct him and spend 20 minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesman stands by silently, nodding his head.
You back up your data every day.
On holiday, you read a computer manual and turn the pages faster than those who read John Grisham novels.
You go to trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you can't give someone directions to your house without looking up street names.
You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
You understand all these jokes.
If so, technology has taken over your life. We suggest you go lie under a tree and write a book.... and don't use a laptop!!
….I myself have a few of the above mentioned symptoms and it’s nothing to cause feelings of unworthiness, in fact I’m actually damn proud of it because that is what sets us apart from the human race, we’re part a breed with unique minds that surpasses those of normal beings and that makes our way of living much more advanced…. The end.
In computer shops, you eavesdrop on a salesman talking with customers, butt in to correct him and spend 20 minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesman stands by silently, nodding his head.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I do that at Best Buy all the time. They should higher smarter people!
py2o|\|oI|) said:
Then there's a good chance that you also have the following symptoms...
You back up your data every day.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
ha ha ha, i liked the 2nd one, and i do take a backup everyday.
My girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
Tech Support...
The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:
This fire help. Me Groog
Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.
You have flint and stone?
Ugh
You hit them together?
Ugh
What happen?
Fire not work.
Make spark?
No spark, no fire, me confused.
Fire work yesterday.
You change rock?
I change nothing
You sure?
Me make one change.
Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire.
*Grabs club and goes to Lorto's cave*
*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*
Related
Let some steam off and tell us what makes you go crazy.
That buzzing sound speakers make when someone calls you or when you receive a text message.
Cars that jump right in front of you then accelerate slooooooowly when you arrive at 90 km/h
You know what really grinds my gears?
This Lindsay Lohan. Eh? Lindsay Lohan with all those little outfits, jumping around there on stage, half naked with your little outfits. Ya know? You're ou... You're out there jumping around and I'm just sitting here with my beer. So, you know, what am I supposed to do? What do you what do you, what do you want? You know, are we gonna go out? Is that what you're trying to - why why are you leaping around there, throwing those things all up in my, over there in my face? What do you want, Lindsay? Tell me what you want? Well, I'll tell you what you want, you want nothing. You want nothing. All right? Because we all know that no woman anywhere wants to have sex with anyone, and to titillate us with any thoughts otherwise is - is just bogus.
Perhaps not all related to my ears but...
- The old lady in a great sports car driving at 40Km/h
- The corrupt policeman
- The long lines to pay for something on Xmas
- Posts like this (joking)
And so on.....
orb3000 said:
- The old lady in a great sports car driving at 40Km/h
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Or anyone getting the best version of something they will barely use, like old people getting the V6 engine in their awesome Camry and rolling at ridiculously slow speeds or my father getting a N97 when he only phones people, no texts or anything.
Also, people getting what you are saving for without even asking or requiring it. Looking at you and your 32GB iPhone, babe. It's alright, I still love you.
Just about everything, I would list them all but I'm sure there is a limit of characters I would go over.
-Those people that get in groups in a long hallway, blocking your passage through that walk at 1mi. an hour
-That one guy that when your driving is slow, but as soon as you pass him speeds up, gets in front of you, and slows down.
-That stupid gmail animation in my extension on chrome, i can turn it off but that requires clicks
-Clearing my history after months, and then finding out I needed a page and can't find it
-Bots on Twitter
-Answering some same stupid question in the same hour
-Having a cluttered bookmark bar
-That door that squeaks just a little too loud
-That feeling that someone is watching you at all times
-Being told I'm wrong, then they go back and find out I was right
-Having to correct my teacher's grammatical errors
-Accidentally hitting the caps lock instead of shift
-Having to press the 'fn' button to get the F(1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11, & 12) keys
-Arguments over the stupidest things
-Apple
-Apple's iPad
-Apple thinking the iPad is the best thing since fire
-Using the word Apple
-That stupid pillow fight on Facebook, it's a wall posting of empty promises
-Writing extremely long posts
-Knowing nobody is gonna make it this far
-That shampoo that smells really bad
-Washing a cup to use it but forgetting to do that last rinse and get that taste of meaty soap in your drink
-Having to cha-cha in the cha-cha slide
-Pressing on my G1 screen and hearing a creak (fixed)\
-Having to explain why my phone is better than a stock G1
-Having to talk to Apple fanbois
-Having to listen to fanbois think they had a feature first, when they didn't
-Having to hear about Steve Gods
-Having that one app that won't update ever
-People who write in all caps
-People who don't capitalize
-People who don't make use of paragraphs
-Ppl who typ n txt tlk
-Being asked why they can't type like that
-My mousepad randomly dies and needs to be jump-started by pressing really hard and furious-like for 30 seconds
-Not being able to afford a Nexus
-People who tease with the nexus, like being teased by an expensive hooker
-People who add extra vowels in words (okaaaaaaaaay)
Having to go back and edit things
-Getting 200 text messages out of unlimited a month
-Using more data than talk time
-Did I mention Apple fanbois?
Let's see here...
-When you ask your wife (whom you know is upset) if everything is okay, and she says "yes" as she's furiously slamming the dishes in the washer.
-Wife/girlfriend telling you to stop the car because she is so upset with you not doing what she wants, then getting mad at you when she does go home walking...even though you did what she wanted...
-Women that look pregnant, though they're not (don't dare tell me that has never happened before)
-Really, really having to use the restroom (public one) only to walk into what seems to wreak like a dying skunk. Courtesy flush people...
-People with awesome phones, and only use them to make phone calls.
-iPhone users without a data plan...
-Going through Mcdonald's and ordering a big mac meal and realizing that THEY FORGOT THE FREAKING STRAW!!!!!
-People that actually drive at 10 and 2...they scare me
-Stepping in wet dog poop...at least that's what you hope it was...
-Managers that like to rub their title in employees faces
-backstabbers
-Cheeto cheese that gets stuck inside your nails...
-Car spare donut tire...why can't they just put a full size spare?
-Girl scouts trying to sell you cookies outside a grocery store
-Getting hit in the groin (at the top of my list)
-When you walk outside in the freezimg cold to pick up your mail and you receive nothing but junkmail
-Guys with really girly voices
-Flashing to a ROM update only to realize that it's faulty and buggy and that you were better off with the one you had before...
-Chipotle
When UPS is driving up and down your road every damn day (around noon), and the day you're expecting a package, they're NOWHERE to be found... until 6:59PM when they practically doorbell ditch your package there.
You know what really grinds my gears? People in the 19th century. Why don't they get with the freakin program? It's called an automobile, folks. It's much faster than a horse!
You know what really grinds my gears? Nobody's come up with a new priest and a rabbi joke in like thirty years. Ya know? I mean, okay, ah, umm. Priest and a rabbi go, go onto the supermarket, and, uh, the priest wants to buy a ham. And the rabbi says, "Ah, I can't eat it. It's forbidden." Couldn't eat it. Not allowed, pigs are like superheroes to them. Is it perfect? No, but I, I don't see you coming up with anything.
beaner69 said:
You know what really grinds my gears? People in the 19th century. Why don't they get with the freakin program? It's called an automobile, folks. It's much faster than a horse!
You know what really grinds my gears? Nobody's come up with a new priest and a rabbi joke in like thirty years. Ya know? I mean, okay, ah, umm. Priest and a rabbi go, go onto the supermarket, and, uh, the priest wants to buy a ham. And the rabbi says, "Ah, I can't eat it. It's forbidden." Couldn't eat it. Not allowed, pigs are like superheroes to them. Is it perfect? No, but I, I don't see you coming up with anything.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Okay...thought I didn't have this one...
noobies with lame jokes.
When you are playing football in a sports hall and someone kicks the ball to the side and you kick it back (like everybody does) and then you get shouted at and kicked in the thigh
That does me head in!!!
So i get shouted out for what everybody does anyway!!!!!!
WANK**S!!!
FLYBOY
"- The long lines to pay for something on Xmas"
well buy them online!
"- The corrupt policeman"
well buy them online!
Rudegar said:
"- The long lines to pay for something on Xmas"
well buy them online!
"- The corrupt policeman"
well buy them online!
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
The moderator that closes threads all too easily-
well bribe them online!
*nudge nudge*
*wink wink*
*$5 handshake*
telegraph0000 said:
Let's see here...
-iPhone users without a data plan...
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Some of us just want an iPod Touch with the phone and GPS. In my case I've got Wi-Fi at home, at school, at work and at my girlfriend's house. Canadian carriers charge an arm for data.
Useless classes in cegep (college). I don't need 3 semesters of philosophy, 1 of phys. ed and 4 of litterature, I just want to play with ******* computers!
Rudegar said:
"- The long lines to pay for something on Xmas"
well buy them online!
"- The corrupt policeman"
well buy them online!
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Lol!!
- You took out the pleasure of seing people on a shopping mall
- Can you buy the Mexican police please?!!!!
[rant] If there's one thing that annoys me beyond belief, it's people who bring too many items into the 12 Items or Less Express Lane. IT'S NOT THAT DIFFICULT TO SEE WHEN YOU HAVE MORE THAN 12 ITEMS IN YOUR BASKET. Yet, people insist on taking too many items into the Express Lane, and because the people who do so are usually very stubborn, you often end up waiting the offender to argue with the checker about what constitutes an item, and whether they really have more than 12 items. After they inevitably lose this argument, they then must gather all their things back up and move to a different line, at which point the checker could have already served 2 or 3 customers instead of dealing with an insane person who can't do basic arithmetic.[/rant] Much better
- When my parents don't let me do anything with my friends.
- When I accept something on FACEBOOK and it shows fake pictures that "I uploaded"
- When my butt itches like right now and i can't itch it!
What makes me mad is when people have their music playing super loud in their car, and to make things worse there windows are rolled down also!!!!!!!!
Digging your car out of 2 freaking feet of snow, making the sorroundings (and your car) nice.and clean only to have your.retard neighbor clean their snow off their car and block your drivers side!!!!!! DARN YOU WILSON!!! DARN YOU TO HECK!!!!! Expect a burning paper bag on your front porch!!!!!
Wall Street's total disconnect with Main Street!
Ok long story short I'm a 2nd year college student and I've worked at a gas station/convenience store for about 2 years and some change. I'm a huge tech person and love mobile phones (which xda member doesn't). I recently applied for a position at a best buy mobile opening up next month and got an interview tomorrow morning and I'm so nervous. Any pointers???? Tips??. I believe I can sell a phone to someone easily. For example. "the evo 4g is a wonderful phone and may be one of the best phone's on the sprint network. It has lightning fast data speeds thanks to sprint's 4g network and a beautiful 4.3 inch screen. All that packaged with a great mobile OS called android. The camera on it is fantastic it includes 720p recording and there is even an hdmi port on the device to playback movies on your big screen at home. The 1ghz snapdragon makes the phone extremely fast and it is great for multitasking." and etc I'd include more specs and ask what features they are looking for on a phone and tell them what the phone can do to meet their requirements. Any tips please help I'm so nervous
Everyone thinks they will be so enthusiastic when selling tech. I work at a computer repair shop/store, and trust me, customers are way to stupid t care what you have to say. All they want to know is if they can make a phone call, text, update their FB status and take a picture of their son drowning.
Also if you are a regular consumer, and reading this, yes, you are stupid.
As the interview part. Get some rest, come in for the interview about 15 minutes earlier, smile, dress nicely, smile, don't sweat, smile, be respectful of your interviewer, smile, have any and all paper work ready, and don't forget to smile. Also, brush your teeth and smile. Did I say smile? Don't make it a fake smile, but a relaxed smile. And not a smirk because then they will think you think you're too good for this job.
jaszek said:
Everyone thinks they will be so enthusiastic when selling tech. I work at a computer repair shop/store, and trust me, customers are way to stupid t care what you have to say. All they want to know is if they can make a phone call, text, update their FB status and take a picture of their son drowning.
Also if you are a regular consumer, and reading this, yes, you are stupid.
As the interview part. Get some rest, come in for the interview about 15 minutes earlier, smile, dress nicely, smile, don't sweat, smile, be respectful of your interviewer, smile, have any and all paper work ready, and don't forget to smile. Also, brush your teeth and smile. Did I say smile? Don't make it a fake smile, but a relaxed smile. And not a smirk because then they will think you think you're too good for this job.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Thnx for the response. I'm extremely nervous still. Should go to sleep soon but want some tips first. I don't have a resume hopefully that won't affect the interview but I have some black dress pants a nice grey sweater and some black loafers for the interview.
Any idea's on questions they may ask?
"Why do you want this job?"
"What makes you think you're good for this job?"
"What makes you better then everybody else applying for this position?"
"What's your name?"
"How old are you?"(if you look young)
"What's your number?" <<<<<This is a trick question. If they don't ask you, but tell you they'll call you back, guess what, they ain't callin you back. lol
"Do you like oral sex?"
"Would you do sexual favors to get this job?"
Ok Kidding with the last two, but you get the general point. The interview will last about 10 or 15 minutes so you don't have to worry.
Also, I might want to mention you are talking to someone who never had a job interview. lol. But don't worry, I went to business school so they made us learn as if we had an interview the next day.
lol thanks. I just need to find a way to relax. Idk why I interact with customers on the regular at my job and suggest things to them sure it's mostly chips or a drink but I'm used to interacting with people I just meet. I just want to get a new job sooooo bad
mcp2009 said:
lol thanks. I just need to find a way to relax. Idk why I interact with customers on the regular at my job and suggest things to them sure it's mostly chips or a drink but I'm used to interacting with people I just meet. I just want to get a new job sooooo bad
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Weed. Just kidding.....kinda
booyakasha said:
Weed. Just kidding.....kinda
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Lol if only it was possible. Take a few puffs and when the interviewer asks me why my eyes look shut I say its because I'm asian I kid I kid I kid.
When I'm cross-interviewing the sales guys... well, here's what I look for:
1. Intelligence - the ability to obtain and retain knowledge. Simple stuff like knowing some info about the company and the tech, etc. Bonus points for understanding the industry and its players, especially if they understand the company's positioning compared to its competitors.
2. Coherence & communication - the ability of the salesperson to present the idea and information that the customer will be able to understand
3. Control of vocal tone - for salespeople who deal directly with customers, having a good tone of voice can "hypnotize" the customers.
4. Physical presentation - I'm not looking for Miss Universe, but dress appropriately. A good way of dressing will be to dress according to the dress-code of the company or slightly overdress. Only slightly.
5. Passion - I must be able to see that you have a passion in the industry, in yourself and in the things that you do. If I see that you lack the energy/drive, you'll be hard-pressed to get hired in a highly rewarding position.
Do note that we are hiring sales people who earn at least 50% more than their peers, so the bar is set pretty high up.
Don't worry about tech-stuff, because that'll come in a briefing package. Don't worry about sales tricks either, because seniors will teach you if you ask nicely.
jaszek said:
"Why do you want this job?"
"What makes you think you're good for this job?"
"What makes you better then everybody else applying for this position?"
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
these .
not jokes , u gotta prepare for these type of bs questions ! look em up on google "bull**** interview questions"
whew interview went good. Even had to correct the guy because he asked me if I heard about the swift for sprint and I said no and he said really? and I said wait what manufacturer and he said HTC and I asked do you mean the shift with the qwerty keyboard and he said "yea that's it you might know more then me" he said he'll call today to let me know if I got the job.
jaszek said:
Everyone thinks they will be so enthusiastic when selling tech. I work at a computer repair shop/store, and trust me, customers are way to stupid t care what you have to say. All they want to know is if they can make a phone call, text, update their FB status and take a picture of their son drowning.
Also if you are a regular consumer, and reading this, yes, you are stupid.
As the interview part. Get some rest, come in for the interview about 15 minutes earlier, smile, dress nicely, smile, don't sweat, smile, be respectful of your interviewer, smile, have any and all paper work ready, and don't forget to smile. Also, brush your teeth and smile. Did I say smile? Don't make it a fake smile, but a relaxed smile. And not a smirk because then they will think you think you're too good for this job.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
You forgot to tell him how important smiling is!
telmoabff said:
You forgot to tell him how important smiling is!
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
of course, just imagine you have a clown in front of you
Just remember they are people.
They are looking for someone that not only isn't stupid, but someone they can get along with.
They know they are going to have to train you - any knowledge you have before hand can and will help - but isn't the deciding factor in you getting the job.
Although the job doesn't require a resume - if you had one you'd probably be a step ahead of the other 9 billion stoners trying to get a job there.
Do not dress like a slob - but don't OVER dress either - the slacks/sweater is going to be fine. Can't tell you how many times I've seen people show up in full clown suits for a call center job - and here I am in the Summer wearing a t-shirt and shorts with a ball cap on.
Practice interviewing with someone your comfortable with - even if the questions are BS - it helps.
And I have interviewed at least 1000 people - and I can tell you - if your relaxed, dressed appropriately, don't bull**** me, and at least convey to me in an intelligent manner that you know what your talking about - you would be hired.
And.. if you don't get the job - don't sweat it. Just means some uber nerd ended up working for them instead of you. Might be a blessing in disguise
avgjoegeek said:
Can't tell you how many times I've seen people show up in full clown suits for a call center job -
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Click to collapse
..thanks for the tip ...now I know where I can definitely find a more descent job
mcp2009 said:
whew interview went good. Even had to correct the guy because he asked me if I heard about the swift for sprint and I said no and he said really? and I said wait what manufacturer and he said HTC and I asked do you mean the shift with the qwerty keyboard and he said "yea that's it you might know more then me" he said he'll call today to let me know if I got the job. Next step if I get it is drug test. I hope I pass, took like 4 hits on a one hitter on new years eve (I know dumb) and I smoke bout 3 or 4 hits a month. So scared I guess I'll buy a home test first
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Congrats dude
(And lol )
update!!! Got the job!! Training on monday
mcp2009 said:
update!!! Got the job!! Training on monday
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Click to collapse
Yay! Congrats! When are you gonna buy us a proverbial beer?
When it comes to selling, I would suggest that you should start with asking questions.
Sure for you the EVO is an awesome phone but alot of people are turned off by the size. Etc.
zizux said:
When it comes to selling, I would suggest that you should start with asking questions.
Sure for you the EVO is an awesome phone but alot of people are turned off by the size. Etc.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I heard a lot of girls are actually turned on by the size.
Well done!
Hello All:
I came here seeking advice from tech savvy individuals before my situation gets out of hand.
I have been engaged for several months now and I do everything for her - and I mean everything! From romantic dates, to helping her learn English (I create study plans), I treat her with love, respect and kindness, I am honest, I am faithful, I cook for her almost everyday day ...heck, I even rub her feet at night! I try to be the best man that I can.
She seemed like the perfect girl at first and showed me great character, personality and beauty - althogh some of my friends are skeptical and believe she may be using me for a Canadian citizenship (she is from Africa).
In the last two months, I have caught her erasing WhatsApp messages, SMS, call history, etc. I began periodically checking her phone and found that she was heavily into pornography (everyday - please have a mature mind), so I spoke to her about it - she downright lied to my face when I had asked her 5 times and now, she deletes her browser history regularly. I have always caught her deleting POF (plenty of fish) emails as they come in, but she claims she is inactive.
One night, when we were both laying in bed, she received a call from this guy at 23h30 (1130pm) while we were watching a romantic movie - she takes it. For the next 30 minutes, she spoke to him in her native tongue, laughed, smiled and I overheard the guy on the phone, who was talking in a deep flirtacious voice (most of you know what this means). I asked her to drop the call and she laughed at me and continued.
This is when I began to suspect she was cheating on me and perhaps that my friends were right all along.
I am using a GPS tracker on her phone (via Google Location History and Device Manager) and on several occasions, where she was supposed to be at work, the GPS reports shows her 5-7 minutes away from work in a hotel for 2-3 hours! I have all the data printed for a potential confrontation.
My question to you is how accurate is this GPS? It says 22-30 feet, but is it REALLY 22-30 feet? The GPS circle doesn't even range at her work area - could I be wrong or am I just in denial?
Can I perhaps PM someone screenshots of this to get a second/third look?
I am highly considering placing a spy Android app on her phone to get a second set of "proof" to end the engagement before I get burned. Please give me your advice and assistance as I don't want my marriage to be a sham and have my life completely destroyed. I have already given up a high paying job so we can be in proximity amongst other things - heck, I even plan to give up my dream of being a teacher because the university she was accepted to (the entire city) does not have my program - it's just too far and we all know how well long distance relationships work, right? ...I feel sick to my stomach right now.
Thoughts?
Talk to her?
Sent from my HTC One_M8 using Tapatalk
Kareem83 said:
Hello All:
I came here seeking advice from tech savvy individuals before my situation gets out of hand.
I have been engaged for several months now and I do everything for her - and I mean everything! From romantic dates, to helping her learn English (I create study plans), I treat her with love, respect and kindness, I am honest, I am faithful, I cook for her almost everyday day ...heck, I even rub her feet at night! I try to be the best man that I can.
She seemed like the perfect girl at first and showed me great character, personality and beauty - althogh some of my friends are skeptical and believe she may be using me for a Canadian citizenship (she is from Africa).
In the last two months, I have caught her erasing WhatsApp messages, SMS, call history, etc. I began periodically checking her phone and found that she was heavily into pornography (everyday - please have a mature mind), so I spoke to her about it - she downright lied to my face when I had asked her 5 times and now, she deletes her browser history regularly. I have always caught her deleting POF (plenty of fish) emails as they come in, but she claims she is inactive.
One night, when we were both laying in bed, she received a call from this guy at 23h30 (1130pm) while we were watching a romantic movie - she takes it. For the next 30 minutes, she spoke to him in her native tongue, laughed, smiled and I overheard the guy on the phone, who was talking in a deep flirtacious voice (most of you know what this means). I asked her to drop the call and she laughed at me and continued.
This is when I began to suspect she was cheating on me and perhaps that my friends were right all along.
I am using a GPS tracker on her phone (via Google Location History and Device Manager) and on several occasions, where she was supposed to be at work, the GPS reports shows her 5-7 minutes away from work in a hotel for 2-3 hours! I have all the data printed for a potential confrontation.
My question to you is how accurate is this GPS? It says 22-30 feet, but is it REALLY 22-30 feet? The GPS circle doesn't even range at her work area - could I be wrong or am I just in denial?
Can I perhaps PM someone screenshots of this to get a second/third look?
I am highly considering placing a spy Android app on her phone to get a second set of "proof" to end the engagement before I get burned. Please give me your advice and assistance as I don't want my marriage to be a sham and have my life completely destroyed. I have already given up a high paying job so we can be in proximity amongst other things - heck, I even plan to give up my dream of being a teacher because the university she was accepted to (the entire city) does not have my program - it's just too far and we all know how well long distance relationships work, right? ...I feel sick to my stomach right now.
Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Well, that's a lot of Information to cover. The thing I would be asking yourself is if you were vindicated could you cope with it? If she hasn't done a thing and you were wrong could you put your paranoia behind you? What's been happening here in my personal opinion is unhealthy for you at minimum and very damaging to your relationship. I'm concerned about how little you mention any positives about her. Even if you do get your answers has the damage already been done?
You should never have to give up your dreams for love.
As far as GPS is concerned it can be accurate to a few metres if conditions are optimal for example a clear unobstructed skyline and satellite above. Things can get distorted when buildings get involved, interference from other technology etc.
Sent from my HTC Desire S using Tapatalk
Break up with her now and cut your loses. Also, next time, don't be so nice. Ugly truth is, you got to be a slight jerk with your women for her to respect you. Don't ask my why, it's the way it is. If you're in a relationship, be the man, not the servant in the relationship.
Sent from my SM-N900T using Tapatalk
@Kareem83 Ohh man, I feel sorry for you. Not because of what she does, but because your suffering for not being able to let go of her. If there's any truths to all what you say, then there's only one way for you to be happy, drop her, like she's hot! And I say this, not because it is impossible to live with a person that have other interests, but because (1) you are not able to speak to each other about this, in an honest way, and (2) since you're even bringing this up here, it means you're really suffering from the idea that she could be with others.
Whoot! Giving up your job and dreams for a woman is just so wrong. It will never last, and it will not make either one of you happy, in the long run.
At this point you only have two options.
1) Let her go, and with that I mean get rid of her! Never fight with her when or before leaving, leave her as a proud man with good memories. Tell her you love her, but that you're just not her type.
2) Completely accept and embrace the fact that we live in a modern world where we as humans are more than capable to have multiple relationships and sexual partners, and still love each other. But from little psycho-analysis possible from your text above, this is not the right type of a relationship for you.
Good Luck!
(And please let us know what you do and how it goes.)
PS. There's no need for any more tracking and spying, just get over your denial and make a decision.
Ya Bud,if you havent yet,I'd kick her to the curb.Sounds like she is at the very least still looking for something else.Trust is most important in a relationship if you ain't got that,you got sh!t
I see you getting stressed and pressed in every way..these are jokes from every where I found.if this is anyway abusive..I am sorry.and that goes to the site I got from.
this list is from listverse...
Jokes 1-10
1. A guy meets a hooker in a bar. She says, “This is
your lucky night. I’ve got a special game for you. I’ll
do absolutely anything you want for $300, as long as
you can say it in three words.” The guy replies, “Hey,
why not?” He pull his wallet out of his pocket, and
one at a time lays three hundred-dollar bills on the
bar, and says, slowly: “Paint…my…house.”
2. A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc, my
brother’s crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken.” The doctor
says, “Why don’t you turn him in?” The guy says, “We
would. But we need the eggs.”
3. A guy enters bar carrying an alligator. Says to the
patrons, “Here’s a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth
and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his
mouth for one minute, then open it, and I’ll remove my
unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks.”
The crowd agrees. The guy drops his pants and puts
his privates in the gator’s mouth. Gator closes mouth.
After a minute, the guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs
the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens
wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed.
Everyone buys him drinks. Then he says: “I’ll pay
anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.” After a
while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It’s a
woman. “I’ll give it a try,” she says, “but you have to
promise not to hit me on the head with the beer
bottle.”
4. Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit
around the breakfast table. The mother asks the
oldest boy what he’d like to eat. “I’ll have some
****in’ French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged
at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs.
She asks the middle child what he wants. “Well, I
guess that leaves more ****in’ French toast for me,”
he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him
away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he
wants for breakfast. “I don’t know,” he says meekly,
“but I definitely don’t want the ****in’ French toast.”
5. A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent
scount. “This dog can speak English,” he claims to
the unimpressed agent. “Okay, Sport,” the guys says
to the dog, “what’s on the top of a house?” “Roof!”
the dog replies. “Oh, come on…” the talent agent
responds. “All dogs go ‘roof’.” “No, wait,” the guy
says. He asks the dog “what does sandpaper feel
like?” “Rough!” the dog answers. The talent agent
gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his
patience. “No, hang on,” the guy says. “This one will
amaze you. ” He turns and asks the dog: “Who, in
your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all
time?” “Ruth!” goes the dog. And the talent scout,
having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto
the street. The dog turns to the guy and says “Maybe
I shoulda said DiMaggio?”
6. A guy has a parrot that can sing and speak
beautifully. He takes it to the synagogue on Rosh
Hashonah and makes a wager that the bird can
conduct the High Holiday service better than the
temple’s cantor. When the big moment comes,
though, the parrot is silent. The guy is outraged. He
takes the bird home and is about to kill it when the
bird finally speaks: “Schmuck! Think of the odds we’ll
get on Yom Kippur!”
7. A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. “Father
O’Malley,” he says, “my name is Emil Cohen. I’m
seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I’m currently
involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side,
her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of
pleasure, and in my entire life I’ve never felt better.”
“My good man,” says the priest, “I think you’ve come
to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?” And the
guy goes: “I’m telling everybody!”
8. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of
them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and
his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his
phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps:
“My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says:
“Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s
dead.” There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says: “OK, now what?”
9. A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. “There must be
some mistake,” the lawyer argues. “I’m too young to
die. I’m only fifty five.” “Fifty five?” says Saint Peter.
“No, according to out calculations, you’re eighty two.”
“How’s you get that?” the lawyer asks. Answers St.
Peter: “We added up your time sheets.”
10. Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is
bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake. “I’ll go into
town for a doctor,” the other says. He runs ten miles
to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who
is delivering a baby. “I can’t leave,” the doctor says.
‘But here’s what to do. Take a knife, cut a little X
where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on
the ground.” The guy ruins back to his friend, who is
in agony. ‘What did the doctor say?” the victim asks.
“He says you’re gonna die
reserved for jokes
some another
for more
even the above are not enoigh
For even more jokes, please see our dedicated Joke thread here http://forum.xda-developers.com/showthread.php?t=384841.
This thread is closed...
Hows everyone doing tonight!?
I've been on XDA for about a year now...and I don't post really at all, because I like sitting back and learning from all you who actually know what your doing !!!
My question is about the MoMo Challenge.
Reason being- My 7 yr old daughter has seen it pop up 3 different x's. On seperate shows. And now....she cries and covers her ears and runs and hides anytime this stupid [email protected]$! Is brought up.
She wont sleep in her own bed (which is getting old! ), she wont go into a room if the lights are off, she no longer wants to watch YouTube ( which I'm actually happy about - but I wont say that to her!), but this jackass is earning a extra special place in my cold blooded heart.
The simple fact that -whoever this is- is going after kids- targeting little kids who have no idea whats going on and dont want to see mommy or daddy get hurt, makes me angry.
So the question is....why have they not found the maker of the videos. Is it really that hard to trace back to its source? I swear I seen a app for it!!! Any knowkedge would ve greatly appreciated !
I call shenanigans. Momo is/was a hoax.
Cool story though! :highfive:
The only Momo that i recognise are Nepali Steamed Dumplings, which are delicious.
@booogermam
So I heard the news say the same thing. I dont know how that's a hoax. A hoax is like what Orson Wells was able to achieve. The story aired as a radio news cut in (breaking news) on a regulary scheduled radio show.
This cut into a episode of Peppa Pig. And tells children ( ages 4-10) , how to correctly slice their wrists proper to achieve maximum damage. Another short disturbing interuption, telling jids to go to the medicine cabinet and swallow pills, also happened during a peppa pig short.
And what of the 3rd which happened during a completely different show? Telling kids that they should poison their parents. In each apparently they tell kids not say anything to anyone, cause if they did they would never see their parents again.
My understanding of a hoax, is to deceive a person, or group of people, whether as a joke, prank, fraud, deception to achieve a hysteria or frenzy. I'm from NJ ....the legend of the Jersey Devil , whether you do or dont believe in supernatural is considered to be a hoax, Bigfoot, loch Ness monster. Ive never heard of a hoax that gives specific instructions to kill yourself, no matter what age, or to hurt, harm, kill others....with a stipulation that if the rules arent followed other members of a family would be abducted, harmed, or killed.
When the mofia or Gangs do that.....its a federal crime. Conspiracy, manslaughter (murder wont stick because they arent personally doing the violent crime) as an accessory to the fact , and insighting a riot even (I'm not a lawyer but have my fair share of lawyers! Lol), But this ,again is called a hoax? How so?
My last question is it was mostly/ largely and to my knowledge only found on two shows...both of which were thru youtube kids. So kids who are 10 and under are the target of a "hoax"!?! It sounds a lot like bull**** to me!
I think the videos slipped passed or werent checked by you tube. They uploaded them. The videos emerge, kids get freaked out, parents talk, emails got sent, and to save their add for not doing what they said they do, found them- removed them...and came up with the ingenious idea of calling it a hoax because now no one can find the videos. My wife found one....its pretty creepy
And as the father of a.7 and a.2 year old. If my kids.did something to themselves becuase of it. I would do everyrhing I could to find that guy......
But my actual question for XDA is....because I know theres so many ppl here that know their stuff. I mean its the reasin I'm here....I want to learn from the ones who know- the ones who honed their skills, or their craft , to such a high level- in hopes that it rubs off- and I learn the way it works properly.
????: " How hard, or is it even possible, to catch the person who made the video, through I dont kow , reverse engineering?? Like what has to take place in order to find out where that embedded video came from???
Sorry for long winded post....bad habit of mine.
But the last one ...is my actual question.
Thank you for the replies
Hoax or not, as a parent monitor your child while online period.