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Like taking a candy from a girl on a stick / by Nir Cohen (2003)

It was a night unlike any other day,
I was standing on the edge of the cliff hugging the sunset - it kicked me in the head at about 40dB and asked me to leave her be so that she can finish her shift but alas, the moon stood her up.
I turned and walked in reverse. I fell. I fell again. I fell again. I was sick of falling so I got up when suddenly I felt myself surrounded. I felt right.
2 VR6 dogs, one brown, one left started negotiating with me a monologue and when they were done, they started running towards me with an ambition never seen that night. they worked on me for a few hours to think they're dogs. their work yielded my bones.
The cliff drew me towards itself. I pulled back but found it was charged with attractivity and i stayed hanging on it's lip. it screamed. I realized that David Copperfield is dead for a while now thus he cannot help me up.. and besides.. he's an asshole.
I grabbed the tongue of a mexican eggplant passing in its car at the same moment. assuming I prefered to stay alive, I decided to claim my innocence and ask the honorable eggplant to lift me up not foreseeing any dagner since an eggplant as all eggplants, is mute. Murphey decided to prove me wrong and the eggplant asked for a cigarette. to my surprise, I fell down.
Death was quick and insensitive, it cursed my existance in every possible way until i bled diet cola.
I returned to my home petit, and sprained my ankle. It hurt. As i sat to eat breakslow, my brain figured out that a mechanical catalogization of the day's happenings will certainly be preceived as a routine incident of prehistorical philanthropy and so, I will save the world. I sew a custome. returning to the cliff, I triple jumped from the cliff for inspiration but found that I am not strong enough as to flap my hands so to keep me in the air for more than a few moments and I banged my head on a sharp rock which calibrated its position to hit my brain a few moments before i landed.
A cornslice came out of an unhomogeneous door, stroke me a niner and lost itself to death.. poor corn.
spunked up, my decision to finish the day was fatal to my socks. I fell asleep to death.

I didnt know mescaline was still popular. I once puked whole sheets of plywood.

I was supposed to eat that pill? I gave it away as candy on halloween! I guess I live in a bad neighborhood so no harm done, right?
"There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a mod in the depths of an ether binge. And I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon."

..........

MMMMMMMMMMM.............weed...............mmmmmmmmmmmm

wOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
CHOCOLATE RAIN!

i think nir is on crack today, or is it the studies

i actually followed evey word
it a whirlwind of emotion

mikechannon said:
I have to admit it is weirdly, madly deeply poetic. Certainly more than a walk on the embers of love with happiness obliterating the beacon of doom - well I think so anyway It reminds me of those heady days savouring the delights of that mushy wench, Psilosybin Mexicana.
Mike
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So you have visited and tested one of the Mexican deligths uh?

MMMMMMMMMM...................shrooms.....................mmmmmmmmmm

I don't use drugs. if in "shrooms" you are implying that i am

nir36 said:
I don't use drugs. if in "shrooms" you are implying that i am
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Don't worry, like most off topic's , I think the thread has left the OP behind.

ha ha shrooms
feeling totally left out as a teetotaler
it reminded me of a story be phillip k. **** (do andorids dream of electric sheep?, We can remember it for you wholesale, Minority report, paycheck)
i think its called The Story to End All Stories for Harlan Ellison’s Anthology Dangerous Visions and its from Volume V, The Little Black Box of his collected stories.
its basically about two he shes in space having a baby then fighting over it so one of them eats it up then they realise it was god

jayjay8585 said:
ha ha shrooms
feeling totally left out as a teetotaler
it reminded me of a story be phillip k. **** (do andorids dream of electric sheep?, We can remember it for you wholesale, Minority report, paycheck)
i think its called The Story to End All Stories for Harlan Ellison’s Anthology Dangerous Visions and its from Volume V, The Little Black Box of his collected stories.
its basically about two he shes in space having a baby then fighting over it so one of them eats it up then they realise it was god
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Click to collapse
wow. I think i'm going to rewrite his story about that and post it here. sounds like a magical story.
I would like to recommend a few books.
- The man and the dildo, by ingmar booboofixer
- Walking on the moo, by someone who dislikes cows
- Garage Barage, by the US airforce
and
- Mixing up with the likes of thee - a story of brotherhood between sisters, by Horace Blackfont

The man and the dildo, by ingmar booboofixer
Click to expand...
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a story of brotherhood between sisters
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Originally Posted by nir36 View Post
I don't use drugs. if in "shrooms" you are implying that i am
Click to expand...
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.....
wth isent Quote's included in the 10chars limit?

Bah. I'm hurt. you are all assuming that such talent in writing idiotic, pointless things can only be done by being a junkie. OFFENDED is what i am. OFFENDED!

i dont
respect the mental mod massive!!!!

jayjay8585 said:
i dont
respect the mental mod massive!!!!
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
what was the word i dont for

clearly you guys have gone crazier than I have. so to reclaim my insanitfy i'll post another story i wrote like 6 years ago.

The indian guy who didn't know why (biblical story)
it was 8:00 pm, and it was green
I leaped over to the window to watch a game of EarBall between 2eggplants who tried kick one another in the ear while the "babbit rabbit" ate one of them but the blinds were closed and I couldn't see anything.
I could not ignore the fact that by using an RPG you can just lift the blind and his sister but due the a short workday in radioactive cornflakes factory I gave up the sportive activity required to perform the action.
Even tho it was summer, it wasn't cold. on the contrary, i WAS cold. I went out to the garden to find a best viewing angle but the eggplants were already gone and "babbit rabbit" died from an epileptic siezure due to stamp overlicking.
I wore my underwear, went outside, and back in. I was sick of being inside all day so I came back in and went down to the attic to sort my collection of beans. one bean attacked me with a dropkick to the left brow but i managed to contain it by injecting 6 litres of cyanide to its left lobe. it screamed for help but there was no one there. Yossi died.
As i was sorting my beans by name, i felt a pat on my shoulder. I turned 360 degrees and saw exactly what i was seeing before. I thought that this might've been a defected calculation and maybe 520 more degrees are required... when suddenly, i saw it. a big head with nothing underneath was looking at me through glittering eyes with a huge nose, 2 eyebrows connected by a safety pin and 2 chin dimples.
the glittering eyes with the huge nose turned to me and asked: "who's boy are you?!"
I responded.
This was face traumatizing. since then, i do not go down to the attic anyless to sort beans by name - only by format (bean.exe.. and so forth)..

3 Word Story Put togethe CURRENTLY AT PAGE 55!!! (o'.')-o Q('.'Q)

Hello thought i'd put it all together to make it easier to read im still adding but feel free to help add to it
if you cant tell im bored :/ btw also added txt file if you want to add then re upload in []'s is extra info or bits i added to make sense in ()'s is things that were there but don't make much sense
Edit: quite offended by some of the iPad comments on here as im using my ipad for the story and pc for typing
The fat man ran twenty miles round and round until he fell and went to rehab for
falling then he got up and started to dance like a chinpanzee with a very very large
pen in his left pocket, then went to mexico where he dated a rather nice banana in
pinstripes who was suspiciously not what she wanted to eat.
Whilst that's happening far far away on a distant planet where the came back
from the plastic beach geting blown by a mexican guy using a very large thread
closing moderator who closed a very sticky situation.
"Get yourself into a mental rehab" Mcintyre was singing, to an iphone, then found XDA
whilst browsing porn and did stuff with his tiny girl friends hand which was also
another name for a transforming robot which has the power to transform and split into
a HUGELY big piece of junk, which is worthless. Sell it quickly otherwise it will be
an iPhone, then your buggered, unless you dance to the biggest rom chef here whilst
chugging some delicious apple juice, which you made trying to forget about your Apple
with a worm.
Her big headahe caused me agro deep inside my thought about going to get some new
super powers so i can fly to a place where stories end but they don't and continue to
be exruciatingly long when all i want is to smash an iphone over something realy a
work of art like WP7S.
Sink or swim like Captain Planet when he go crying like a dirty girl trying to find
a Golden HD2 party in vegas that had a funny thing attatched [PAGE 10] used for
blowing small little holes in walls and a train that stopped in the middle of the
intergalactic track which was littered with broken iphones which she always hated.
Dark cloudy skies only on Wednesdays or possibly Mondays when there is a spaceship
that used humans for thousands of years as an army to stop apple from taking over
Microsoft Windows Mobile because I love this amazing invention.
Chips glorious Chips wich i threw at your mum with a hot dog in a hallway and
slipped into ROM cooking frenzy but my device dropped into a pile of stinky rotting
apples which i'll eat after, whilst laughing at steve jobs who's such a smoking weed
dude who likes unicorns roasted with sauce on a shiny just washed underpant.
It's about time to watch 'The annoying Orange' advert thats should die very slowly
whilst creating non-lactoseintolerant cheese for his girl friend who likes things
bigger kind of like my big ego [PAGE 15] which also likes tobasco sauce on chilli
con carni and fish and chips in a house with no windows or any apples just palm and
android. Palm was bought by apple machintosh, a stupid brand who has milkshakes and
many cows.However, The cows like to smoke some candy ciggarets on the xda portal and
learn about how to ride starships into orbit whilst eating crispy Kentuck Fried
Chicken and then a big mac attack with fries and mcnugget grenades,whoppers, and
lemonade.
Meanwhile the starship crashed on steve Martin, not jobs, in the market on a sale.
Meanwhile the cockroach was singing with History Maker by Delirious and also with
post man pat, [who] squated and shat on the ipad, which was worse than a frickin
android and palm bad buisnes plan or better put Poop in a pan.
"4 Words bro" said Fallen Spartan laughing his head, Shooting the Armeter with her
hand and then jumped [PAGE 20] out of bed. What a voyage! What a Dream! to the other
side of the world through a wormhole chased the mole through the shoal of sweaty
clothes which then lead to the creation of the cyber phone which killed off
Steve jobs and Apple for good.
April fools day is the beggining to annoy people but its over, not next time because
the oldman died from non stop laughing of a joke about fishing boats and his desire
to feel free swimming in water [being] accused of man slaughter thinking why the
elephant ate a pink ribbon with a text in cuneiform script written in invisible,
about mac os4.0 and it's ability to crap without flushing the toilet and smell like
a decade old.
A new millennium with a giant appetite for apples didn't fill my pocket with lots.
Brush your teeth with a good and very brown chocolate mars bar that everyone hated
[PAGE 25]like an iphone, that people threw in the loo that was nasty just like poo
and like wee little green men [that] seem to run little leprachauns who are evil
No flights allowed due to ash and plane crashes which happened to no one any where.
How's this story going on untill now please advice, which i know makes no sence
but i don't involve myself in any meaningfull conversation [because it] would be
fruitless because he loved all the double posts [because it] help to increase
my post count so i can get 300 posts then get more, nothing to post because a
mod will make you cry for mama.(What the hell are we talking [about] in this thread?
(Simon posting crazy, pimple or boil?, for food or increased post count, no more
flashing, my eyes hurt so i need [to] go to specsavers and get a cool pair of Orsis
sunglasses, Please ban simon [PAGE 30] just because he is quadrupling his post count
haha)
(Feel like puking on this forum because it's something, something green yellow and
blue and that douche called me noobie as well all were once smoke to much simon
posts noncense he wont quit and keep posting read this post Please ban simon second
the motion y'all are mean we are not yes you are why you little amazingly handsome
person you wish buddy like the other no0b that went looking 4 a girlvery very
unlikley he gets love,in his dreams likley to be wet beond measure unless with a
rulerGramatical error encountered stop replying to "the frog went" [Nice try to
start the story again there by M_T_M ] everything i post no frog reply? whadaya
mean by frog)
"Anyway how are you doing today?" "I'm going to make out with your left hand"
also with my HD2 that i use for cooking dinner for my [PAGE 35] beautiful
HTC device.
Rock around the clock, 1 o'clock , no [it's] actualy 3, [oh wait] or maybe 4
when i went to kick (the) steve jobs because of his job trying to build a barbie
house out of iPad's on a piece of broken cardboard whichh happened to have a
HTC HD2 in it, [although] that was broken.
(i Hate braces by XDA forum)
Recieving a punch right at the nose of your very first wife "arhhhhhh~~!!!~!!"
she shout[ed] "pull it out" and kiss my three yellow zucchinis in my hand that i
punch[ed] you [with] in a private place leaving me unconcious because it's big.
(bad grammar again, btw afaic imnsho, speaking in tounges, with avatar accent)
Whilst texting friends from holy tree to a Wower ( Out of idea's hi mr.clown)
and Master Yoda, Shower he took in his pants, a dangerous weapon lurks waiting
for the use on (a hot laptop) an innocent person [and] an elderly woman
who was hot [PAGE 40] he then lol'ed at the age of 85.
Enjoy living in college, this big thing he found yesterday was round and long,
kind of smelly like a soccer ball, or baby even.
Keep her happy for 48 hours, (and) [also] the baby cried for candy that was
spicy and very sweet according to her tounge [which was] used for collecting
more samples, which enhances recreational activities during practice on
monday evenings, running around naked in his house.
(Dang your fast, your just old, but better looking, you wish @ , the age of
50 whilst im only 15 and good looking Beat that, bed ridden always, im sexy
and amazing and every one loves me, high on crack (obviously) and this old
, ignored by old)
The man mentioned in the OP is my bestfriend and also my dress is stained red
like those in my closet that look awful to me and (rock roll animal)
(a mi no me gusta rock musica) potatoes and goats.
[PAGE 45] like llamas and french calendar cookies who enjoy a good cup of
my new senior member memberness.
(that's cheating dude, that's completley right)
Once upon a time there was ( i like desire, i like me, sense made none
mocking you are, forgive me peace, i love u 2,)
Old school stuff is just a joke today from a clown who's named Bozo,
or Mr.Pennywise who makes funny jokes of lemons out of his list of
victims and People magazine [whilst] sharpening his knife [and]
gutting [a] big deer, thinking about stuff [like] the new iphone 4
(random iphone reference??) that was trashed by a gnome.
"Drink more beer" "Out of rum?"
(needs some posting, stop double postingn stop stopping me, you old man, why
i oughta)
Why don't you run like hell outa this website and [then] rush back because of
ORUD.
(whoever that is??, this still going??, amazingly yes continue,Anyway
where were we?, playing this game [PAGE 50], an ORUD is
obessesive Rom updating dissorder, game in overtime , or rolling ur dum butt,
that 3 plus,learn to count,Going party now, well deserved Orb,
arriving from party, welcome back orb.)
Nite, work tomorow,dance all night sleep
all day, Now @ work, i saw something /"\ hahaha, very mature indeed, and sometimes
childish, with some new direction of thinking, whil task 29 phone, when your strange,
strange what galaxys???, thats goors lyrics,obscure reference now, Nonsense funny
thread,)
Miliz is old (why you little) but wise enough to fry squirrels and eat them and
[then give] (gave) them to my hackintosh.
(yo quireo un Hackintosh,) one fine day,( with old men, what the hell, just happened
here?,) withh all this, insane music playin whilst vigrously touching a bald eagle
on a tree branch eating raw monkey flesh till [THE] (he) (grammatical error above)
teacher flunkeed (you) [him] whilst drinking something he doesnt like [PAGE 55]

Reserved for more

One more here

And one more to be safe (almost 200 pages in 4 posts if its completed

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahhaahahahaaaaaaa
Well don Macarony!!! Keep it up

We can have a best seller with that story.

Mr. Clown said:
We can have a best seller with that story.
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Click to collapse
We should make a book out of it....i would buy it
Sent from my ADR6300 using XDA App

pretty f'n' funny.
good day.

hehe yeah publish it nd call it the story of off topic XDA or somthing better starting to some more just got back in

Update now got to page 50 !!!!
bracket () = junk
not mentioning names but it's mostly OG (guests i think), M_T_M and simon_WM just metioning
and were at 1585 words it could almost be a book and 8793 letters
(that might be incorect becaue ive tried 3 they all give me dif results )

Page 55
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

MacaronyMax said:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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page 55 is the page where i first come in to the three word story!!!!

lol of topic a sec but how did you change your name ??

MacaronyMax said:
lol of topic a sec but how did you change your name ??
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i contacted @mikechannon and asked him to do it for me!

Cool thanks

Confucius Say...

Thought this might be kind of fun/interesting. Try to only list a couple and give others a chance to chime in.
Confucius Say
If you run into your ex on the street, just shift into reverse and keep going.
Confucius Say
Those who get to big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

blkout01 said:
Confucius Say
If you run into your ex on the street, just shift into reverse and keep going.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
when i first read it as u were driving a car and saw the girl walking on the sidewalk and then shifted to reverse and continued goin backwards the street with a straight face like nothin happened , all to avoid her seein ya ... was alot more funny ha

Confucius Say...
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Confucius Say...
Baseball is wrong - man with four balls cannot walk.
Confucius Say...
Man who farts in church sits in his own pew.

Confucius say:
Oh no!, another super off topic thread

Confucius Say
Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy

Confucius say house without toilet is uncanny.
Sent from my CDMA Hero. I got some hot Froyo-on-Hero action here!

Confucius say......
A bird in the hand makes for a messy wrist......

"He who goes to bed with itchy butt, wake up with smelly finger"
HAHAHAHA quoted from my grandfather.

Confucius say, you go to jail bad boy!
(sorry couldn't help myself to quote Russell Peters)

Confucius say
Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.
Confucius say
Man who drop watch in toilet have ****ty time

Confucius say
Get up from bed and go to work!

Confucius say
He who wastes his time on xda is a total idiot or a complete genius(no gray areas)

Confucius say:
Nothing, as silence is better

Confucius say
better to be pissed off than pissed on
Confucius say
girl who sit on judge's lap get honorable discharge

Confucius say
money makes the world go round

Confucius say
girl who gives you lap dance receives a standing ovation

Confucious says:
When One hung low you might become off balanced.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I897 using XDA App

Confucius say...
Knowledge not used is like sail boat on dry land ^>^

Confucius say...
You should post funny Confucius sayings here.

Confucius say:
Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.

Post ur joke

If this is repost my bad post ur joke and if u want rank the joke before you
What do call a blonde brunette blonde
A blonde doing a cartwheel
Sent from my GT-I9000 using XDA App

Ahahaha! That joke is funy but wrong

What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common theyve both been laid all over america
Sent from my GT-I9000 using XDA App
Sorry blonde jokes stuck in my head at this time

A blonde is driving down the highway, and hears a radio announcement
"Emergency Announcement: There is a car driving the wrong way, please drive with caution"
The blond looks out her window and say "One? All of these idiots are driving the wrong way."

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar bill on her head?
A: All you can eat under a buck.

Okay doesnt have to be blonde jokes thats just what popped in my head
Sent from my GT-I9000 using XDA App

shadowscreation said:
Okay doesnt have to be blonde jokes thats just what popped in my head
Sent from my GT-I9000 using XDA App
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
A blonde stopped and asked a girl what time it was. The girl said it was 12:33. The blonde got pissed and said, "Every time I ask someone that, they give me a different answer. WTF?"

Mr goodbar took mrs figbar to the power house and laid her down on a mounds.
He stuck his butterfinger into her molly way and she cried out oh henry! And out popped a baby ruth
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I897 using XDA App

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'
His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'It's fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie score.'
After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.' Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.' Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally ****s the bed..The wife says, 'What the hell was that?' The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides.'
Sent from my GT-I9000 using XDA App

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: A Rooster says in the Morning - "Cockll-doodlle-doooooo", while a blonde shouts, "Any-****'ll-doooo."

A koala is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks
past and looks up and says to the koala "Hey! What are you doing?"
The koala says "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."
So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have
a few joints. After a while the little lizard says his mouth is dry' and
is going to get a drink from the river.
The little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into
the river. A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and
helps him to the side, then asks the little lizard, "What's the matter
with you?"
The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking
a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into
the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this
out and walks into the forest, finds the tree where the koala is sitting
finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"
The koala looks down and says
"Damn dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"

Oh I have a joke but listen very carefully.....
XDA

Try and catch your shadow if it insists.

Why did the crip cross the road?
CUZ

Man goes to the Doctors:
Doctor - "I'm sorry, it's Cancer"
Man - "How long do i have?"
Doctor - "Five"
Man - "Five? Five What? Five Years? Five Months? Five WEEKS?"
Doctor - "....Four, Three, Two, One...."

Dad

Almost got stabbed to death. (near death experience?)

Hey guys.
Something horrible happened to me today.
Here goes: Me and my other two friends, Adrian and Argelio were riding our bikes for like an hour outside. We rode everywhere and had no problems with anyone.
We turn at a school where we see a group of 5 kids all dark clothed and looking a little cholo. We ignore them and I'm just talking to my friend when suddenly we all hear the word ******. I just laughed and said "I love you too" they stop and all of them turn around and said something so we just ignored them. About 50 feet away now from them we were about to turn the corner and I decide to scream "I love you too" because all I was hearing was talking and screaming from them. WE suddenly see two of them on a bike and one running. Towards us.
We start peddling faster and like another 100 feet from them.......the damn bike chain gets loose so my friends are on their bikes and I have to run like 1/2 mile to my house with the damn bike on my side. My heart was pounding and I just kept running. We go to my house and this time I call my sister out thinking she might know some of them....turns out they're all in gangs and had knifes with them so I told her if she could come with us and talk to them....we went again and found them at a park...all of a sudden my sister and my friends all say.."RUN!" They want you so run, don't look back, they're gonna kill you. I started laughing and thinking "THIS ISN'T REAL" So I stayed thinking I could confront them and try to talk but one of them was just running at me saying. "Come on 1 on 1 pu**y, come, right here right now b*tch. I said, "I just wanted to say Hi" Now I though to my self ...Do I wanna live or get jumped and get rushed to the hospital....LIVE So I took all of my friends' advice and just rode. Luckily I run track and cross country so I had wayy more stamina than them..I go around the neighborhood and hide at home for a while....you might be thinking but cant you 10th grade friends beat them up?....no there was only 1 my age and the rest of my friends were like 12 year old because my real friends are lazy and play black ops......So they are no use to me in helping....
My friends and sister came back and told me "Alan you lucky son of a b*tch, my homeboy AJ called of his homeboys to chase you" "Your never bike riding without me"
So instead of what she said because it's confusing so I'm gonna tell you what she told me..
They were planning on all 3 of them jumping me..they all had knives and were probably gonna leave me dead in the street and flee themselves..
one of them (the one that was talking to me and wanted to fight me) has already killed 1 and was just released from jail...he is about my age and got kicked out of school because of all his gang stuff and smoking weed in the bathroomm
the second - AJ- he's on parrol and got kicked out of school too--he's 14
the 3rd Isaiah is some weed smoker that has been on probation and got kicked out of school too...
My sister then told me how as soon as they learned I was her brother they stopped.....and said if they ever saw me again..I better watch my back....
I'm not really scared...
They just freaked me out because they were horrible looking mexicanss
Well thats it!

Alanrocks15 said:
Hey guys.
Something horrible happened to me today.
Here goes: Me and my other two friends, Adrian and Argelio were riding our bikes for like an hour outside. We rode everywhere and had no problems with anyone.
We turn at a school where we see a group of 5 kids all dark clothed and looking a little cholo. We ignore them and I'm just talking to my friend when suddenly we all hear the word ******. I just laughed and said "I love you too" they stop and all of them turn around and said something so we just ignored them. About 50 feet away now from them we were about to turn the corner and I decide to scream "I love you too" because all I was hearing was talking and screaming from them. WE suddenly see two of them on a bike and one running. Towards us.
We start peddling faster and like another 100 feet from them.......the damn bike chain gets loose so my friends are on their bikes and I have to run like 1/2 mile to my house with the damn bike on my side. My heart was pounding and I just kept running. We go to my house and this time I call my sister out thinking she might know some of them....turns out they're all in gangs and had knifes with them so I told her if she could come with us and talk to them....we went again and found them at a park...all of a sudden my sister and my friends all say.."RUN!" They want you so run, don't look back, they're gonna kill you. I started laughing and thinking "THIS ISN'T REAL" So I stayed thinking I could confront them and try to talk but one of them was just running at me saying. "Come on 1 on 1 pu**y, come, right here right now b*tch. I said, "I just wanted to say Hi" Now I though to my self ...Do I wanna live or get jumped and get rushed to the hospital....LIVE So I took all of my friends' advice and just rode. Luckily I run track and cross country so I had wayy more stamina than them..I go around the neighborhood and hide at home for a while....you might be thinking but cant you 10th grade friends beat them up?....no there was only 1 my age and the rest of my friends were like 12 year old because my real friends are lazy and play black ops......So they are no use to me in helping....
My friends and sister came back and told me "Alan you lucky son of a b*tch, my homeboy AJ called of his homeboys to chase you" "Your never bike riding without me"
So instead of what she said because it's confusing so I'm gonna tell you what she told me..
They were planning on all 3 of them jumping me..they all had knives and were probably gonna leave me dead in the street and flee themselves..
one of them (the one that was talking to me and wanted to fight me) has already killed 1 and was just released from jail...he is about my age and got kicked out of school because of all his gang stuff and smoking weed in the bathroomm
the second - AJ- he's on parrol and got kicked out of school too--he's 14
the 3rd Isaiah is some weed smoker that has been on probation and got kicked out of school too...
My sister then told me how as soon as they learned I was her brother they stopped.....and said if they ever saw me again..I better watch my back....
I'm not really scared...
They just freaked me out because they were horrible looking mexicanss
Well thats it!
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you get a knife. why do you think i carry one?

watt9493 said:
you get a knife. why do you think i carry one?
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^ I don't even hang around anywhere shady, but I always have a knife, just in case. Its also convenient if something needs to be opened! Lol
Sent from my Droid Incredible running a random CM7 nightly.

You didn't bother calling 911? Or batman?
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Why don't you get help from the nearest adult? Don't go get your sister, lol. Stop at the first door and ask an adult there for help.
I'd love to be sipping on a Miller watching Top Gear and some little kid bangs on my door for help! Seriously tho. Its the best thing to do, since that person will probably immediately call 911(or batman) and then you'll have all the help you need.

trolololol
Where do you live? Zacatecas?

gangsta wannabes dont mess with satanist or people who look satanic so i've never really had to deal with them so you might want to wear more black

Why do I like this thread more than the others you created?
Sent from my HTC Desire

M_T_M said:
Where do you live? Zacatecas?
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haha I don't live in Mexico..haven't been there in ten years.
I live in Texas. Houston/Pasadena.....just not in the ghetto parts
mostly in deer park

this has to be the most awesome off topic post I have ever seen

SteveG12543 said:
^ I don't even hang around anywhere shady, but I always have a knife, just in case. Its also convenient if something needs to be opened! Lol
Sent from my Droid Incredible running a random CM7 nightly.
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Like steve. Just keep one for emergencies. And when the sh!t hits the fan, be glad you have it
ADR6300

This has happendd a couple times to us. We've had the local gang "get off" on us and oh man is it a scary experience. Being outnumbered, outaged and having to defend your own. My best friend has had a knife pulled at his stomach, I've almost gotten jumped for a blue bike. My advice is don't let them intimidate yOu. Next time some confronts you if they're unarmed don't say anything back, take flight immediately. Use all your brute force and aim for his jaw. His buddy's won't do a dam thing trust me on this one.

Alex530 said:
This has happendd a couple times to us. We've had the local gang "get off" on us and oh man is it a scary experience. Being outnumbered, outaged and having to defend your own. My best friend has had a knife pulled at his stomach, I've almost gotten jumped for a blue bike. My advice is don't let them intimidate yOu. Next time some confronts you if they're unarmed don't say anything back, take flight immediately. Use all your brute force and aim for his jaw. His buddy's won't do a dam thing trust me on this one.
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So your not intimated by a local gang, but your intimated by a ghost? Lol wtf?
Yeah well not gonna lie I'd be more scared of a ghost also...
Still this was a bad ass thread.
Vibrant users have the best threads in off- topic!

Ah, the experience...
First of all, having a knife is pointless and gets you into more trouble than it's worth with school authorities.
Secondly, I fight dirty. Jaw? Please, the groin is more reachable.
Thirdly, and I don't teach this enough, is to learn to sacrifice your off-hand (left, as usual) to displace the opponent's weapon and groin him hard with your knee. Learn to deal with downward stabs, upward stabs, and swings. A weapon is useless at closer to arms-length, and that is great reason to learn Krav Maga or Muay Thai (I know a bit of the latter).
Fourthly, don't pick a fight you can't win.
My worse experience was being ganged up by a bunch of kids my age. About six of them, I believe. They circled me in the park and hit me from the back. In the end, I chased one of them down and beat him to a near pulp. His friends decided that running away from me and hitting my back was preferable to fighting directly, so I chased the slowest of the bunch and trashed him. Of course, they never bugged me again.
Another experience with knives was when I used my right hand (wrong hand) to fight off a knife attacker. Bled all over the place despite him not hitting an artery. Apparently, I broke his wrist and cracked his skull over the incident. As usual his friends left him high and dry when it got tough.

I'm from Argentina, and, just for the record, living here it's like being a marine in Irak, but, maybe, without the AK47 and all the Lady Gaga stuff XD

All I can say is don't mess with sakai4eva.
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iynfynity said:
All I can say is don't mess with sakai4eva.
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Punk(s) deserved it. Of course, I whined like a baby about my injuries after the fight, but during?
Sweet sweet adrenaline and natural painkillers.
Of course, I've mellowed a lot since then.

sakai4eva said:
Punk(s) deserved it. Of course, I whined like a baby about my injuries after the fight, but during?
Sweet sweet adrenaline and natural painkillers.
Of course, I've mellowed a lot since then.
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Yes yes adrenaline, love that feeling. It's like you got all the strength and take down anyone you see. Lol
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duboi97 said:
So your not intimated by a local gang, but your intimated by a ghost? Lol wtf?
Yeah well not gonna lie I'd be more scared of a ghost also...
Still this was a bad ass thread.
Vibrant users have the best threads in off- topic!
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We've had run ins with them more times then I've flashed my phone. After a while you get used to it.
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Just tell them you got rid of your blackberry and they should leave you alone
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