Related
Lady : Is this my train?
Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."
The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a
scotch and soda."
Customer : If I post this letter tonight, will it get to Delhi in two days time?
Post Master : Yes sir, it definitely will.
Customer : I bet you, it won't.
Post Master : Why not?
Customer : It's addressed to Mumbai.
An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.
'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'
'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.
'How long has what been going on?' said the man.
Girl : Do you love me?
Boy : Yes Dear.
Girl : Would you die for me?
Boy : No, mine is undying love.
1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the window!
2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.
1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.
Man : How old is your father?
Boy : As old as me.
Man : How can that be?
Boy : He became a father only when I was born.
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the field"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher : How?
Student : Ladies first.
Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.
Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?
Customer : No, I can't.
Waiter : Then does it really matter?
Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter : Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter : That's all right sir, he won't drink much.
Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?
Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea cup?
Waiter : I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.
Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter : Funny? But then why aren't you laughing?
Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?
Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went into extra time.
lol, nice jokes and thx for sharing it.
I especially like the "how old is your father" one and the "dinner choices' one
Really GOOD jokes, im LMAO!!!!
thanx for sharin' buddy..
My turn...
Q: How many software developers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Sorry dude, that's a hardware problem.
A man walks into a bar with a haddock under his arm and asks "Do you sell fish cakes?".
"Sorry but no", comes the reply.
"That's a shame", says he, "It's his birthday".
Old joke but funny (and about the only clean one i know !)
A guy walks in to a bar, grabs a stool and orders a drink. He takes a few sips when suddenly he hears a small voice say "thats a nice shirt", he looks round but theres nobody sitting by him, so he thinks nothing of it and starts drinking again, a few minutes later he hears "oh what a great tie" again he turns but again there's no one about, the barman sees him looking about and asks "problem sir ?" the guy tells the barman he keeps hearing a voice, the barman smiles and says "don't worry mate its just the complimentary nuts"
Forum members...
How many forum members does it takes to change a light bulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
1 to move it to the Lighting section
2 to argue then move it to the Electricals section
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb" ... another 6 to
condemn those 6 as stupid
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is
perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
How do I change a lightbulb?
You forgot the 6 that complain about the cost of changing a light bulb and want it done for free for them. And the 4 that tell the complainers "If you don't like the cost, then live in the dark."
...and the 287 that wait until the lightbulb has been changed and then ask when the next lightbulb will be fitted
Re: Lightbulb
You Lightbulb guys are amazing, one gotta look at the extent of your imagination, hats off to u, buddies. Love to b a part of this community.
Adieu..
Lightbulb...
...and then 1 weirdo (me) will post about what happed to the lightbulb when he got the mad idea of shocking the lightbulb with a taser gun before fitting it... hehe, I looks freakin cool guys, the electricity runs up and down between the wires and you can see little flames on each side!!
rohitsharman said:
You Lightbulb guys are amazing, one gotta look at the extent of your imagination, hats off to u, buddies. Love to b a part of this community.
Adieu..
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Hehe, I love my imagination and it loves me.. mix that with my signature (see below) and you'll be well on your way to a very interesting and fun filled life!!
It's an honour for me to also be part of this community!!
Addicted...
You know you are addicted to the Internet when...
You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home page.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01 or higher."
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
py2o|\|oI|) said:
You know you are addicted to the Internet when...
You kiss your girlfriend's home page.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
And even your night dreams are in HTML.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au
Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even though you've never had heart problems before.
You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
All of your friends have an @ in their names.
When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your dog has its own home page.
You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01 or higher."
You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Good one, mate.
I think, i already have some of these symptoms in me..
....
rohitsharman said:
Good one, mate.
I think, i already have some of these symptoms in me..
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Then there's a good chance that you also have the following symptoms...
You can't sit through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends", but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
In computer shops, you eavesdrop on a salesman talking with customers, butt in to correct him and spend 20 minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesman stands by silently, nodding his head.
You back up your data every day.
On holiday, you read a computer manual and turn the pages faster than those who read John Grisham novels.
You go to trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. But you can't give someone directions to your house without looking up street names.
You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
You understand all these jokes.
If so, technology has taken over your life. We suggest you go lie under a tree and write a book.... and don't use a laptop!!
….I myself have a few of the above mentioned symptoms and it’s nothing to cause feelings of unworthiness, in fact I’m actually damn proud of it because that is what sets us apart from the human race, we’re part a breed with unique minds that surpasses those of normal beings and that makes our way of living much more advanced…. The end.
In computer shops, you eavesdrop on a salesman talking with customers, butt in to correct him and spend 20 minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesman stands by silently, nodding his head.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I do that at Best Buy all the time. They should higher smarter people!
py2o|\|oI|) said:
Then there's a good chance that you also have the following symptoms...
You back up your data every day.
You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
ha ha ha, i liked the 2nd one, and i do take a backup everyday.
My girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
Tech Support...
The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when primitive tribesmen beat out a rhythm on drums to communicate:
This fire help. Me Groog
Me Lorto. Help. Fire not work.
You have flint and stone?
Ugh
You hit them together?
Ugh
What happen?
Fire not work.
Make spark?
No spark, no fire, me confused.
Fire work yesterday.
You change rock?
I change nothing
You sure?
Me make one change.
Stone hot so me soak in stream so stone not burn Lorto hand. Small change, shouldn't keep Lorto from make fire.
*Grabs club and goes to Lorto's cave*
*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*WHAM*
a guy at work told me about this thing where you answer the phone by chucking it in the air and spinning it, anyone know where I can get a hold of this???
James
I know that there is a cool build in function to end a call:
Just throw the devce agains the wall..
Thread closed for the obvious reasons..
I realize not a lot of you are rap fans like I am, but I still think every geek should check this song, it's by rapper Lupe Fiasco about marketing schemes, and technology. 1st verse being about Apple products, 2nd verse being about sneakers. I'm interested about your opinion on this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tzm1l7V1uqE
Lyrics:
[Intro]
Really?
This is what you guys been doing?
Seriously?
[Hook 1]
Before daybreak there were none
And as it broke there was one
From moon to sun, it goes on and on
The winter battle was won
The summer children were born
And so the story goes on and on
Come on woman in your life beats
Those we buried with the house keys
Smoke and feather where the fields are green
From here to eternity
Become a woman in your own time
Far, far, far from the virgin vine
Rise on out from the dead leaves
Come back to me
Oh, she sings her favorite song
Left with tears and dreams, it goes and then on
[Verse 1]
Standing in line for the new one
Not the black, but the blue one
And I don't even know what it do, son
But Steve Jobs said that it's too fun
Fun in abundance' what I need
It's cold out here, put my arms in the sleeves
I'll probably lose my place if I leave
But I really need to pee
If I do it right here they'll see
Makes you wonder, how do snipers
Marathon bikers
Next time: diapers
They say it has all new features
Faster processors and much better speakers
Great for kids, a necessity for teachers
For work or home
A revolutionary way of being alone
I mean, should we really get a loan?
Hey what's the matter, just tell it to your phone
Cupertino heart with Chinese parts
Built by the poor, but designed by the smart
They opening the door so you go
On your mark, get ready, set, buy
Imagine a world where everything starts with an ‘i’
But it still ends with a die
Probably got an app for that, you could try
From the iClouds, right into the great Wi-Fi
Siri, can iGod really hear me?
"Does not compute – can you repeat more clearly?"
"Woaaaaah"
[Hook 2]
A vessel in the bloodline
A thirteenth Zodiac sign
A stitch in time, it goes on and on
Become a woman on your own time
Far, far, far from the virgin vine
Rise on out from the dead leaves
Come back to me
Oh, she sings her favorite song
Left with tears and dreams, it goes and then on
[Verse 2]
Standing in line for some new Ones
Had a bunch of blessings but I blew them
Asked Google how to use them
They sent me to a section ‘bout used guns
New runs, nuns'll scream, moms with jeans
Match their teens' jeans and genies who try to chew gum
Aw man, it's so confusin’
Confusion in the bun is what I have
Good thing that God accept cash
Maybe buy my way up out His wrath
Skeptically, why am I way up off this path?
Atheism's cheaper, and accepts Visa
My thoughts as I'm queuing up for sneakers
Won't discriminate – I’m getting all eight
In every color that they make
Beaverton hearts with Chinese parts
Built by the poor and designed by the smart
On your mark, get set, cop ‘em!
Imagine a life that revolves around shoppin’
Conspicuous consumption
That means it serves no other function
But to show off to someone, or others
Who only try to show off to you – look at your fellow loyal customers
Isn't harmony great?
Look at all these friends that marketing makes
How many fries can these arteries take?
I'll give McDonald's a little help here
I think they should expand into healthcare
And then you'll have all ends covered
Even make caskets, have it all umbrella'd
Can you make the corporation fear me?
"Couldn't hear your order, can you speak less clearly?"
[Hook 3]
That which was put in the ground
Will someday come back around
From dust to dust it goes on and on
Before daybreak there were none
And as it broke there was one
And still the story goes on and on
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
So, what do you guys think?
Lot of Lupe's stuff is on point, but this was extra whack. You owe me about five minutes back =p
This is a place
To bring your face
And make up some rhyme
This is a place
Where, at a lyrical pace
We can all have a fun time!
I just felt like making a thread where we could all talk in rhyme.
And if any serious poetry does come out of it, all the better! :laugh:
Oh, and I do know that this is probably a BAD idea. -_-
Roses are pome
Violets are pome
I wrote a pome
pome pome pome pome
A pirate, history relates
Was scuffling with some of his mates
When he slipped on a cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And practically useless on dates
There is a kind dolphin in me
With tight blue skin that you can't see
It moves smoothly like sparkling waves
And sound like a loud horn that can help save
Roses are bad
Violets are bad
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She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!
- Lord Byron (LordManhatten's Grandfather!)
DirkGently said:
She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:
Thus mellow'd to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.
One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face;
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.
And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!
- Lord Byron (LordManhatten's Grandfather!)
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
Danial723 said:
Roses are bad
Violets are bad
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Somuchwin.jpg
Danial723 said:
Roses are bad
Violets are bad
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Your lulz were had,
But that made me sad.
Imma get mad
And beat ya up so bad!!!
Sent from my HTC Sensation on CM10.1
There was an old man from Japan,
Whose poems, just wouldn't scan,
When asked the reason why,
He'd always give the reply,
"I try to fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."
Awesome idea :thumbup:
The only problem is : I can only write poetry in Arabic
Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710e using Tapatalk 2
If you can keep your head when all about youAre losing theirs and blaming it on you;*If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,*But make allowance for their doubting too:*If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,*Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,*Or being hated don't give way to hating,*And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;*If you can dream---and not make dreams your master;*If you can think---and not make thoughts your aim,*If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster*And treat those two impostors just the same:.*If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken*Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,*Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,*And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;*If you can make one heap of all your winnings*And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,*And lose, and start again at your beginnings,*And never breathe a word about your loss:*If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew*To serve your turn long after they are gone,*And so hold on when there is nothing in you*Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"*If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,*Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,*If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,*If all men count with you, but none too much:If you can fill the unforgiving minute*With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,*Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,*And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling
---------- Post added at 07:12 PM ---------- Previous post was at 06:57 PM ----------
Lazy cut and paste i know, it's a better poem than "Mary had a little bike, she rode it back to front" which was going to be my first choice
“I've had great success being a total idiot. ”*―*Jerry Lewis
jugg1es said:
...Lazy cut and paste i know, it's a better poem than "Mary had a little bike, she rode it back to front" which was going to be my first choice
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I'm no good at making rhymes,
My poems are less than sublime,
Yet still I post in this thread,
And revive it back from the dead.
It's nice to important, but it's more important to be nice.
"When I was a young man, I had liberty, but I did not see it. I had time, but I did not know it. And I had love, but I did not feel it. Many decades would pass before I understood the meaning of all three. And now, in the twilight of my life, this understanding has passed into contentment. Love, liberty, and time: once so disposable, are the fuels that drive me forward"
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
I've just found out what you are.
A lump of rusting rocket case,
A rubbish tip in outer space.
Spike Milligan
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." - Groucho Marx
In the words of Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz:
"Oh freddled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!"
I could not have done any better myself!
stephj said:
In the words of Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz:
"Oh freddled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee.
Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes.
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles,
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!"
I could not have done any better myself!
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
Ah... Jeltz... he was a Vogon before his time... *le sigh*
Ode to a Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Arm Pit One Mid-Summer Morning:
The sun creeps over the lands edge
Though the crack in the window it did wedge
Slowly brightening stinging my eye
as sleepily on my bed I lie
August sixth is the new day
Its in the summer half way
Stirring from my slumber I must arise
Must cloth myself and put on my guise
The sound of birds chirping through the air
Roosting and singing without a care
The sound of the lawn mower way far away
As the work men greet the brand new day
The smell of fresh cut grass intrudes
Sending me into wonderful moods
The smell of the fresh breeze moves the curtain
Its going to be a wonderful day , I'm Certain
On my bed i still here lie
I have to get up, yes I must try
Its so comfortable so soft and still
getting up is like climbing an insurmountable hill
I move my foot a little off the bed
Moving my arm slowly to the cots edge
Dropping my foot off and onto the floor
I rest before I do any more
Squiggling my butt to the edge nearer
Seeing my frame across in the mirror
To the floor I drop my other foot
The other hand on the edge I put
Raising my body to be upright
I raise my weight with all my might
in the mirror is my stout frame
Too much good food is the blame
Scraping my foot on the floor boards
Through the sea of cloths it fords
Finding at last one clean sock
My toes around its soft edge lock
Dragging it to me, I reach to the ground
Clasping on to the sock I found
Slipping it on to one of my smooth feet
I slide a little on my seat
I search again for another to put on
I find another that I soon don
Searching I find a pair of pants, mostly clean
With a newly repaired crotch seam
I find my undershirt in the cloths pile
I'm happy find my shirt and smile
Just then in my arm pit I itch
Its making my arm and body twitch
I reach for my arm pit deciding to scratch
When on to something smooth I latch
It felt soft and a little muddy
It turned out to be a green piece of putty
It was soft an somewhat sticky
It felt strange, kind of icky
When pushed on it slowly depressed
When I let go the dent sluggishly regressed
All together it was an unusual texture
I wondered what made up this green mixture
It looked so smooth and kind of glassy
yet in a way it was cloudy and waxy
Aside from the look it had a strange smell
What it smelt like was hard to tell
Kind of like sweat, kind of like perfume
it made an oder that filled the room
When pushed on it made a strange sound
As my finger rolled it around
It sounded kind of squeaky, kind of a smack
and kind of a pop when pulled and snapped back
Where did it come from this green dough
I couldn't imagine, I just didn't know
The waxiness and perfume, deodorant it could be
But that wasn't all , could some of it be me
Deodorant, dead skin, hair and some sweat
It all fused together in my arm pit I bet
Baking all night in the heat of my arm
Keeping it safe for any kind of harm
So in the morning I find the treasure
And how much joy I couldn't measure
I must set this aside and cherish it well
Despite its green color and it's terrible smell
Propping it on to an old golf tee
And into a jar so all could see
I raise it to an exalted place
So it could behold everyones face
Time now to put on my shoes
Where is the left one I always lose
There it is and in go my feet
The soft insole, what a treat
I put on my tee-shirt, then my shirt
It looked mostly clean except for some dirt
It was time for some breakfast, what shall I eat
Maybe eggs, toast, and some fried meat
I made up the bacon and the eggs I fried
Some toast, butter and jelly I tried
Cinnamon rolls I had, then some coffee cake
A whole bagel I toasted and ate
Juice and coffee I drank with pride
Till it made me full and feel good inside
Back to my putty, I liked not its place
I needed to find it a new kind of space
What a beautiful creation my arm pit made
I moved the jar and on to the table it laid
It made my soul leap that this I created
I needed a better display to have it mated
Something elaborate not just a jar
I would have to look for it near and far
Something with silver an a little gold
Something to display it so bold
At the door came a loud knock
Who could it be, I looked at the clock
Time for my maid service to arrive
She comes to clean up my cluttered dive
I shuffle to the door to let her in
I show her my putty and for it affection win
What praise would she have for my creation of green
She will be amazed as soon as its seen
I turn the door knob and open the door
It was her to clean a little bit more
I thought I'd wait till she cleaned up some
If I showed her now, distracted she'd become
She shoveled my cloths into the washer near
and washed all my dishes, she's such a dear
Sweeping and mopping around the whole place
Dusting every nook, cranny and every small space
She was nearly done when I told her the news
Of the thing I created while I did snooze
I could see a skeptical look crawl across her face
I lead her over to the sacred place
There sat my green putty, still amazing to me
On the table where all could see
She looked and squinted at its form
And asked me how it came to be born
I told her clearly how it came about
She promptly told me she'd throw it out
Her attitude gave me quite a shock
I thought about it and then I took stock
Jealous she was that she had not this putty
Jealous she was that she had not this buddy
She shook he head with a curse she left
I went over and slammed the door with all my heft
I stared at it till the middle of the day
As I walked by it I always looked its way
Remembering the joy it's birth did bring
I made me want to dance and sing
It was time for my midday meal
I started with the potatoes that I had to peel
Put them in a pot and bring to a boil
Then mash them and butter them with much toil
I wondered how the green putty tasted
But didn't try it, didn't want it to be wasted
Instead I opened up a tub of sour cream
Put it on the potatoes, what a dream
Deep fried cheese sticks for a side dish
Stuffed mushrooms filled with my wish
A slab of sausage adorned my plate
And my fine meal I sat and ate
For desert there was ice cream and some cake
and a box of brownie mix to stir and bake
While my brownies cooked in my stove
Into a piece of cheese cake my fork dove
Eating the last of the brownie pan
I opened up a cold beer can
Drank it up to my hearts content
I considered my putty with deep intent
I hear the barking of the neighbor's dog
Along comes the man who delivers through rain and fog
It's the Mailman bringing news from afar
In his white and blue car
Yes I'll show him my putty dear
He'll be excited and eager to hear
How my putty came into my arm pit today
And how it grew there while asleep I lay
I hear him approaching the black mail box
I waddled to the door and undid the locks
As he put the mail into its holder
I spoke aloud I tried to be bolder
I said come and see my putty so green
He was a skinny man limber and lean
He poked his head through the jam of the door
I said you'll want to look at this, you won't be sore
I showed him the green putty, I made in the night
I tried to control my pride, with all my might
He looked and said that he really didn't see
Why I should so happy about this putty be
He thought it a nuisance and said “send it away”
But he couldn't bend my resolve, he couldn't it sway
He didn't appreciate the creation of green
He is very shallow, so it would seem
So I sent him away telling him to forget
That on this day the green putty he met
Away from my door he quickly ran
He was a poor excuse for a postman
I must look for people who appreciate the unique
I'll look for intelligent people with which to speak
Not every one can appreciate my putty of green
Most people are prejudice it would clearly seem
Full of food I went out for a walk
meeting people so about my putty I could talk
Down to the shops looking for a display of gold
I found one suitable that the craft store sold
My green putty would look fine in this gold case
It was encircled with a fine looking silver lace
A window of fine glass like fine crystal
and mount it on a sparkling pedestal
I wonder if the world should see my putty dear
Or the tale of its creation should they hear
Would they appreciate putty's story
And hear about it in all its glory
Society is so quick now a days
And people walk around, as in a daze
Long gone is the willingness to hear
About great stories and things so dear
People are skeptical and soon to doubt
And if the story is long the begin to pout
“Hurry up” they say “get to the point”
And if your too long they get out of joint
People lack the patience needed
Unwilling with culture to have their mind seeded
They are unwilling to have goodness grow
Would they respect my miraculous dough?
So far the few I have shown my putty to
And shown my inner feelings true
They have been a jealous and uncultured lot
And haven't appreciated the wonder I have got
Will the rest of the world this way be
Or can they my putty's virtue see
Or will most scoff and mock its wonder
And call it a mistake, a serious blunder
Should the world accept my dough
Would their greed for it be my foe
Would they try to take it far from me
Would I my putty no longer see?
Or would the world reject my putty dear
And think it's creation rather queer
I think they lack the culture they need
And reject my putty and call it demon seed
I'll protect my putty from the world, evil
Protect it from any upheaval
I'll keep my dough to myself
And keep it safe on my shelf
I would like to show putty to my son
I think he would think it rather fun
But his mother, estranged to me
Won't let me my favored son see
He's like me in so many ways
And wishes to be with me, so he says
He would understand my putty dear
And gladly its life story hear
My son could appreciate the unique creation
He would approve toast with a libation
But his mother keeps him from me, unseen
At least until he is seventeen
So I'll be sure to write this story down
And when he's old enough he'll hear the sound,
Of a story about putty so dear
He won't upon hearing frown and jeer
Upon hearing the story he will wish he could
have this happen to him, I know he would.
He's the only one who can appreciate putty
He's the only one who could also be his buddy
My wife, on the other hand
My poetry, she couldn't stand
She lived with me for a few short years
And seemed to have a lot of tears
She said if she had known what our life was to be
She would have never paid the marriage license fee
But would have called off the wedding
And never would have touched my bedding
She never appreciated my poetic rhyme
And said so over and over many a time
She came from a family of and uncultured lot
And for poetry, appreciation they had not
So I'd never show her my putty true
For I know it's story, she would boo
I'll protect my putty from her wrath
Even if she thinks me daft
I began to wonder what our future together would hold
When all was accomplished and finally told
How my putty and I together would be
And our partnership together for all to see
Could we go traveling across the land
And on some high peak together stand
Visit some deep canyon or some black abyss
See the sights that we both wouldn't miss
My putty and I could cross the years
and toast the good life with many beers
We could seek to increase our poetic muse
and argue and debate and see others views
To the pub we could go so all could see
What my putty and I could turn out to be
Friends for life a companion though all
Even though some say its rather small
Small that he is, faithful would he be
I began to wonder if it were a he or a she
I've been calling it “it” for all this time
What gender would it have this, product of grime
At last I decided it was a unique creation
And not to give it a gender was a liberation
So “It” remains the gender I give
And believe to live and let live
Would this putty of green so dear
Live to see my final year
Would it go though all my life together
Or would one of us go first and our relationship sever
I would like this green to be my life long putty
But the future I see looks rather muddy
How long could a piece of putty hope to live
But every chance, every advantage I shall it give
I hurried back to my humble home
Eager to place my putty in the gold dome
My putty sagged on the golf tee stick
I rolled it and shaped it, it still looked sick
I should mount it in the display case
The one surrounded with the silver lace
But once inside it seemed to droop
like it was dissolving and turning to soup
I pressed it together but to no avail
A piece broke loose it looked like a tail
I worried if my putty would be alright
I won't lose it with out a great fight
I cooled it, froze it, but it looked worse for wear
I shaped it and rounded it as much as I dare
My putty was now drying and cracking apart
What to do? I had to be smart
Now the sun was setting, and what to do
I tried to think of ideas but only had two
First was to put it into a glass of water
It would be to much, my ball I'd slaughter
I thought it over while i fixed the evening meal
Saving my putty was to me a big deal
I fried up some chicken wings with Buffalo sauce
And ate the while I tried to prevent my loss
A slice or two of pizza left from another lunch
I sat and thought on it while I did munch
When I was through with the meal of the eve
I feared I'd loose my putty and I would grieve
As twilight came and the sun was set
An idea came and with my mind it met
to take the remains and put it in my other arm pit
and over night just let it simmer and sit
Now in the evening, time for my bath
I like to soak , make gurgling rhymes and laugh
But tonight I think I shall not scrub
For will conditions be right, if I enter the tub
For if I clean under my arm pit
will the putty bake and contently sit
if it be clean will it rejuvenate putty dear
or will it need sweat, dead skin and hair
Then again if I keep my pit out of the wet
Then conditions would be right to dampen with sweat
But what if I slip and accidentally clean
It might make my putty no longer seen
Should I chance to bath tonight again
Or should I put off cleanliness till who knows when
I shall put it off again once more
For I haven't bathed in days, it will be twenty four
So I guess I go to bed real soon
And rest myself in the rising of the moon
And hope my decision not to clean myself
Will not adversely affect my health
Time again for my nightly stop
To the restroom up the stairs, at the top
In the room sits a porcelain seat
I must go up and soon it meet
I'll have to soon take a crap
It takes so long I'll take a nap
Then I'll squeeze with all my soul
Look there, it's a telephone pole
Now off to bed I soon must go
And into my arm pit place the dough
I hope it will be alright in there
With deodorant, sweat, skin and hair
So I scraped the goo from the display
And into my other arm pit I let it lay
Off with my shirt and my tee shirt
Pressing my arm down till it hurt
Off with my socks and my pants taken off
I climbed into my sleeping loft
With the remains of my putty green
I hope it will revive, thats my dream
Off I sleep with a midnight snack
I hope excessive sweat I don't lack
I want my putty to come back again
Its cracks and dryness to heal and mend
I laid my head but had unsettled dreams
I guess it was a nightmare, so it seams
It was about my putty dear
And that I had had it about a year
In its dome it began to reproduce
and soon it got completely loose
It began to multiply very fast
I left my house in terror, at last
Putty was getting to big I fear
It was making growling noises I could hear
I was scared it would feed on me
And that I would no longer be
There was so much all over my house
There was no more room, not even for a mouse
It got into the sewer and down the tile
It plugged every drain all the while
Not a drain worked all over the town
Got into the water pipes all around
All the water stopped , everything went dry
I went about thirsty, heaving a big sigh
The town elders traces this blight back to me
And called a session of court, Me they wanted to see
Blaming me and my putty so dear
For all the confusion, and everyones fear
“lock him away for harboring such a menace”
“Give him some bread, water, and some lettuce”
“Starve him, chain him, let him lose weight”
“Sentence him to a Terrible fate”
They cast me into a dungeon full of goo
I seemed a familiar spirit, but who
It was green and sticky, like my green putty
Yes this was the reproduction of my green buddy
At first I feared it would eat me soon
As a beam of light lit the room
It twitched and wiggled in the cell so deep
It scared me so, I couldn't sleep
Then it covered me drew so near
It embraced me and thought me dear
It may have been a terror to all other
But thought of me as its mother
It slithered into the dungeon's door
Slipped into the keyhole pore
It jiggled and wiggled the door lock
I was worried and watched the clock
Then the door swung open to let me free
It oozed into the hall way as far as I could see
It smothered the guards and it lead me out
It went down their throats to prevent any shout
We fled into the heart of the town
We moved about not making a sound
I found myself something to eat
While every foe my putty was able to defeat
We would have to leave this urban scrawl
And go where we're not known at all
They wouldn't let us leave in peace
They would try to kill us or hurt us at least
They burnt putty out of every drain
And every pipe they did the same
Drying up every piece of goo
They'd keep working till they were through
The last of putty and I held up in a narrow place
His destruction I'd soon have to face
They would come soon with a wall of flame
His fate and mine would be the same
I hear them coming to destroy the rest
of putty's off spring in our secret nest
Out shot a flame of fire so red
putty screamed and I jumped out of bed
It was a nightmare in the heat of the night
And putty is still in my underarm suffering its plight
I drank a glass of water filled to the rim
And back to my bed and let my eyes dim
I tossed and turned the rest of the night
And for some sound sleep, I tried to fight
Was this dream foreboding for putty
Would I loose my green little buddy
In the morning it showed up true
That my putty was no longer new
It had died during the night
But I hadn't given up with out a fight
As you hear the sadness of this poem
and as you travel back to your home
don't gnaw your leg off with emotional pain
for compassion to all is the poets aim
Can we all die now, Grunthos Gently? :/
Sleepy! said:
Can we all die now, Grunthos Gently? :/
Click to expand...
Click to collapse
I'm surprised you haven't already! :laugh:
Hi Everyone!
I'm a long time Windows Phone advocate... Though I guess most of you guys must be as well, if you belong to a Windows Phone forum, haha.
Anyway, I wanted to get on here and spread the word a bit about an app I've been working on. I'm no professional developer. Heck I can hardly write actual code. I pretty much just stick with "Design View" in Blend and only occasionally venture into the unknown abyss that is "Code View."
Developing is just a hobby, though anytime a hobby can bring in money is definitely a plus. I'm a senior in college and a Psychology/Sociology major. Again, not much experience in non-hobby-based computing/developing. I also great enjoy the Dragon Ball series, as it's my favorite anime. My love of Dragon Ball, coupled with my love of Windows Phone is really why I chose to begin developing.
But that was just a little bit about me. Here's information about my app:
Dragon Ball Z: Transformation Guide is an informational app that delves into the many transformations that take place throughout the anime classic, Dragon Ball Z. It contains synopses, pictures, tables (listing who all have encountered such transformations as well as when (specific Manga Chapter and TV Episode/Movie).
Fairly recent additions to the app include Image Galleries, tapping to zoom on images, and TONS of awesome transformations spanning all episodes of the three series (DB/Z/GT) as well as from all 18 movies, including the newest, Battle of Gods!
As a one-man developer, I'm finding it pretty tough to market the app and get it popular, so hopefully exposing here will help with that!
Also, if you download it, and enjoy it, please rate and review it! If you have any suggestion, please feel free to message me here and let me know your suggestions, as well as tips, if you have any
Thanks
Here's a link to the Windows Store:
thank for share. i like dragon ball