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I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 years. We have had our ups and our downs but it's always remained pretty good. Recently I caught her in a pretty big lie. It wasn't cheating or anything along those lines, just something that she felt might have caused me to want to break things off with her.
Here's my question, is the saying "once a liar always a liar" true? She promised to just be completely honest with me from now on. But, I'm the type of guy who definitely has a hard time trusting someone after they have lied to me once before. Should I try to trust her?
ericc191 said:
I've been with my girlfriend for about 6 years. We have had our ups and our downs but it's always remained pretty good. Recently I caught her in a pretty big lie. It wasn't cheating or anything along those lines, just something that she felt might have caused me to want to break things off with her.
Here's my question, is the saying "once a liar always a liar" true? She promised to just be completely honest with me from now on. But, I'm the type of guy who definitely has a hard time trusting someone after they have lied to me once before. Should I try to trust her?
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Well, thing is: you should try and rebuild the trust if you have feelings for her even after that...she cares for your relationship enough to lie, then try and forgive her.
</amateur-shrink>
Merlin_reloaded said:
she cares for your relationship enough to lie, then try and forgive her.
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Well said...
one more chance max... if it's an issue, then it will show up sooner than u think...
well for me, it really depends on the nature of the issue (lie)
if it was for good intentions, i'd say try again....
tell her that if before that lie your trust used to be at 100 on a scale of 0-100.
but now its at 95 and she killed those 5 marks permanently.
No Trust
Once trust is broken it's very very hard to repair......there will be a little thing in your mind always and forever at that moment when trust was broken ....think about it.....girls are very different about lies.....I'm 36 I know what I'm talking about.....All I'm saying is that be very very careful....The fear of lies is never ending once broken....confusing whats real.....
Peace
Mike
mike19722 said:
Once trust is broken it's very very hard to repair......there will be a little thing in your mind always and forever at that moment when trust was broken ....think about it.....girls are very different about lies.....I'm 36 I know what I'm talking about.....All I'm saying is that be very very careful....The fear of lies is never ending once broken....confusing whats real.....
Peace
Mike
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Yeah, I'm worried I'll find myself questioning a lot of things she does in my mind. But, I do love her. We plan on getting married and all that. I'm gonna go with the advice of telling her that there will now always be a little part of me will question whether or not she's being honest.
True Love is unconditional (unless unfaithfulness is there) we all do stupid things and im sure you have as well. If you really love her then love her now more than you ever have. alot of times we look at the end result (lying or what ever) instead of the underlying causes. Perhaps you could love her so much that she would have no reason to ever lie again?
and thats my Dr Phil for teh day
Tregrad said:
True Love is unconditional (unless unfaithfulness is there) we all do stupid things and im sure you have as well. If you really love her then love her now more than you ever have. alot of times we look at the end result (lying or what ever) instead of the underlying causes. Perhaps you could love her so much that she would have no reason to ever lie again?
and thats my Dr Phil for teh day
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Totally agree with it !!!
Thats what all about true relationship is,trust yourself to trust her !
Have a nice day
trust rebuilding strategy
I'd suggest a professional, since their paid to be objective. If you have medical coverage, this is a good time to use it, since your health is a good part dependent on the state of your love life (seriously).
Have a plan (devising one is where the third party comes in), or maybe a set of procedures (I know it sounds odd, but it's sort of an if-then, if you do this, then I do this....). If you guys can stick to the plan, then after some time the trust will be rebuilt.
If the lie had to do with money or shared tasks (like cleaning house, car maintenance), the issue is more important than it might seem right now. From what I've seen of stats, divorced people blame these things for thier breakups. IMHO, I think it gets down to the same things that help people keep thier jobs: percieved personal investment. You need to feel more important to your girlfiend than whatever it was she lied to you about, no?
If you value the relationship that much, then you need to value how you feel about the relationship. To value something means to *do* something about it. The relationship has shifted, so behaviors need to shift, too.
The short of it: don't let this fester. Forgiveness is good. The best. Things worth havng are seldom easy to get.
My American $ 0.02... worth less and less everyday....
You really Can't Trust Anyone who lies. Since Everyone lies. You really cannot trust Anyone.
Listen home scratch...
The trust issue is more about you than it is about her. Trust me. I went through the same thing that your going through now. If you are an optimistic person you might be fine, but if you are negative in nature you might think that she will mess up like that again. Then you will drive yourself nuts trying to catch her in a lie. The first thing and most important thing you have to do is ask yourself, 'Do I think I can ever trust her completely again'. If you have doubts, that means your relationship is in serious trouble. If you are completely confident, you will be fine. Don't over analyze why she lied. You will only end up with more questions than answers. People lie for different reasons, and you wont ever really know because your not in her head. So let it go and good luck with whatever you decide.
P.s. Never come online to ask advice about a relationship. I know you meant well. However, what I've learned is people sometimes give advice from a mindset of resentment. Thus, If someone has had a bad day, they might give you terrible advice.
I am not wanting to seem uncaring towards you or dismissing the problem and saying everything will be fine, but for gods sake get over it , so she lied , have you never lied to anybody before? I am sure you have, as people have said, it is down to insecurities in yourself , i mean the fact you are asking online if you should trust her, is basically saying you can't even make the decision yourself. I have had this myself , but from the other side of things, as in it was my girlfriend of 3 1/2 years not trusting me over lots of things, questioning me about everything, even though i wasnt lying to her. You will end up pushing her away, because she will be holding lots of silly things back, simply because it will mean you will be questioning her over it if she mentions it. Which will cause more distrust and arguments.
So my advice is simply to let it go or it will eat away at your relationship forever.
Anyway off topic, can anyone help fix my wallaby with 1% GSM Error :lol: (joke)
Something like that happened to me. She lied, but, yeah, at the end of the day, I love her and she loves me. Story ends.
Give her a chance. Love her. Be a man. Stand beside her. Make her feel comfortable that she doesnt lie to you anymore
Thanks for all the replies. I've already let it go but I just wanted to see what other people would do if it happened to them. It's good to know that majority of people here would see it as "She loves me so much she lied in order to spare feelings" and love their spouse even more. I like this view and decided to go with it..
There’s this guy at work and nearly every time he e-mails me, he CC’s my supervisor.
It’s really annoying because that leads to my supervisor getting involved in things that really are none of his concern.
My supervisor is already a micromanager and very reactionary (always assumes that if he's being asked about something that someone's not doing their job)
Also the guy who's doing this is one of those people who loves to get involved in other people's projects and pretend to be a part of them, so that leads to people going to him for status updates instead of me.
Any advice on getting him to stop in a diplomatic way without it pissing them off or putting him in a position to want to "step it up" and get back at me?
Stonent said:
There’s this guy at work and nearly every time he e-mails me, he CC’s my supervisor.
It’s really annoying because that leads to my supervisor getting involved in things that really are none of his concern.
My supervisor is already a micromanager and very reactionary (always assumes that if he's being asked about something that someone's not doing their job)
Also the guy who's doing this is one of those people who loves to get involved in other people's projects and pretend to be a part of them, so that leads to people going to him for status updates instead of me.
Any advice on getting him to stop in a diplomatic way without it pissing them off or putting him in a position to want to "step it up" and get back at me?
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Send him an e-mail that'll be very embarassing to CC all over the place.
Actually, these kind of people are quite dangerous, because they like to keep their backs covered. So be careful.
One thing I'd like to find out is, ultimately, what is the gripe? Is the CC annoying you, or the CC annoying your boss and then your boss annoys you? Finding out the root cause of a problem instead of treating the symptoms will be way better.
FIght him like a man, next to the water cooler
jaszek said:
FIght him like a man, next to the water cooler
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Psh... real men fight with keyboards. May the man with the heaviest (1982-circa clickety keyboard) wins!
Spill coffee in his workstation so his computer dies a slow smoking death. Then take everything in his cube and freeze it in jello. Then put pictures of a small penis in the womens restrooms with his name all over it.
pm me his and your boss email, ill email him gayporn and cc your boss
kdj67f said:
Spill coffee in his workstation so his computer dies a slow smoking death. Then take everything in his cube and freeze it in jello. Then put pictures of a small penis in the womens restrooms with his name all over it.
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Y'know... I'd pay good money (ok, at least a buck or two) to see that.
Seriously, the dude's a loser and a trouble maker (as has been said up-thread). My advice would be to either completely cut him out of the process (death by starvation) or go further up the chain of command with materials and documentation and complain (death from above). Remember, there comes a point where the job isn't worth the hassle and frustration.
I had similar problem.
My boss is female. My colleague is male and trying to make his mark. I have one day every week when I work from a different office. He waits till I'm not around to ***** about me with her. I am more senior and better at the job. Even though she trusts me implicitly, it still annoys me that the guy is behaving like a little prick. He asks to have days off in the most busy times and only asks her when I'm not around; as if I would say no! I can cope with the work on my own and nobody asks him for anything if I'm around.
When he's done the *****ing thing 3 times I've blown my top with the two of them, collected some reports on all the works I've done and threatened to leave. They would/could not get anyone cheaper and with the same level of knowledge and control. The emails stopped and now, as long as he does not mess the work too much, I cannot care less what he does. I do my work and **** a snoot at the rest.
Cheers!
Unplug all the fans but a couple from his PC so it dies a slow painful death
He is probably a sociopath. These people are all around us. They're completely functional and often successful. They're not psychopaths, they won't start killing people. But they have no regard for the feelings and troubles of others. They will lie, cheat, manipulate their way to the top by any means necessary. Thats who you're probably dealing with. (There was this GREAT article by a big name psychiatrist on workspace sociopaths on reddit a while back but I can't find it, sorry)
Now, I've learned through experience that these people exploit the **** out of "diplomacy". They take advantage of the fact that you don't want to make a big thing out of this, they KNOW you wan't to keep a low profile and they exploit that weakness to bully you. Dealing with bullies is easy. Just walk up to him and tell him to stop. Flat out, plain and simple stop. Let him know crystal clear that you know what he's doing and you want him to stop. No diplomacy.
You could also fight fire with fire.
This will have repercussions ofcourse. It might mean going into a stupid office politics "war" with the guy. So think about it and choose whats right for your particular situation. But keep in mind that these abuses tend to increase and it will get to a point that it will make your worklife miserable. Its best to deal with it early and make the ****er know that it will cost him to **** with you and he better go find someone else.
OR I could be wrong and the guy is just advocating for transparency in the company (Doubt it. He only CCs your boss, not others.)
I say find him after work and beat his ass. Then pretend nothing happened when you are at work.
Definitely an option. But be very careful cause its really ****ing illegal >_>
With personal experience the proper way to handle hostile problems is to report it to management and human resources. But keep in mind that you also have to work with these people to so cool down before you say something that makes you look like the ass.
Sent from my PC36100 using XDA Premium App
My boss always CC's his goddamn boss when he emails me. Grinds my gears
Sent from the fireproof HTC Inspire 4G
natious said:
pm me his and your boss email, ill email him gayporn and cc your boss
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one and only real(and legal) solution , invite to gay clubs too just to "hang out"
also , do it while pretending to be a colleague sending from home address , keep doing till he stops
natious said:
pm me his and your boss email, ill email him gayporn and cc your boss
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This made my weekend.
Sent from my HTC Glacier using XDA App
I know these types of people all too well. Having dealt with some myself. these people are not top be trusted, they can't wait to pull the rug right under your feet. They want to get ahead by making you look bad. My advice to you is to speak with him directly and ask him why he is doing it and tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. As he can't be trusted he may have moved to bcc your boss instead, so you should voiced your concern with your boss as well. You must cover your ass at all times with this guy. So document anything important concerning him and always answer his emails as if your boss may be in bcc and don't take any **** attempt from him to make you look bad especially via email and answer him to set the record straight, r this is party of documenting.
Sent from my GT-I9000 using XDA Premium App
A dark alley. A late night event. A mindless ass-kicking.
It could be fun.
SciFiSurfer said:
A dark alley. A late night event.
It could be fun.
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Sent from my HTC Vision using XDA Premium App
See? Thats what happens when a passive agressive sociopath makes the big mistake of ****ing with a psychopath.
I must say to the people who brick thier phones and tablets... shame on you!
You dont read or follow full directions before doing something, or you really arent techincal minded and cant admit you shouldnt be doing these things to your phones/tablets. and then go and brick them.
Now this isnt the problem I have (i fell bad for those who have).
My problem is with the people who then lie and call up the maker of the phone and make up some bull to get a new one, or return it to the store and lie to get a new one.
YOu people are the reason why more equipment makers wont lower thier prices and wont open thier systems up to people who accually know what they are doing.
You make it more expensive on everyone. I read post after post of people who return thier phones/tablets they have bricked for new ones. post after post of people just buying every tablet in site to "TRY IT OUT" and then return them before the dead line.
YOU people are why these things are so exspensive.
MY local best buy I kid you not had more tablets and ipads as open box buys then they had new ones. salesman told me all people are doing is buying screwing with them for a few days and then returning. then no one wants the open box ones because you dont know what people did to them.
Grow up if you break something its your fault not the manufactures why should they replace it? if you dont want something DONT BUY IT!!! dont buy it with the intention of playing with it then returning it thats just wrong.
You are one hundred per cent correct.
I'll use your thread as a bit of a chance to vent, this is not directed at you and apologies in advance
I am sick and tired of God-damn kiddies popping up here, loading software onto their phones, cocking it up because they haven't done the reading or just have no f*cking idea, then demanding a f*cking walkthrough on how to pull themselves out of the sh*t step-by-step, or as you stated (and worse) returning their devices to get a new one, driving up prices and promoting manufacturers to lock their devices up tighter and tighter. It's an absolute disgrace.
So many users these days seem to have a God complex, an over-bundance of self-righteousness and an expectation that they deserve everything on a bloody silver platter.
Never ceases to amaze me that these idiots are willing to try everything posted here at the drop of a hat without waiting for bugs to pop up or even seeing if it bricks a device. Everyone wants the best right now, and then wants top-notch support to go with it. Just because it f*cking looks pretty.
Motorola have the right idea. Lock everything up tight, offer the option of unlocking, and void the warranty immediately. That's a damn good business practice. Keeps Developers happy (they can start work immediately without all the unlocking/S-OFF bullsh*t), and, you would think, would make people think twice about what they're doing before they unlock their bootloaders. Still doesn't seem to work this way though, hey?
It's for this reason I have absolutely no problem with manufacturers locking their devices. It's a dickhead deterrent. Doesn't phase a good Developer, but the idiots and general masses (myself included) are stuck, and they don't have to replace our phones because we didn't read or didn't understand, or wanted the best without doing anything to deserve it.
Noone wants to take responsibility for their own actions. If a Dev's ROM doesn't work for someone, all of a sudden it's the Devs fault. Nevermind they didn't read the instructions, FAQs and whatever else may have been there. Christ I saw someone create a thread to demand a step-by-step walkthrough and download of ADB just before. What the f*ck? More importantly, what the f*ck are you doing here without doing any reading or research at all?
/rant
Again mate, my apologies. I just agree with you, and I like the fact you've got 20-odd posts and 4 thanks already. You can have another one for your troubles!
The biggest issue I have is when a dev. writes an unlock code for a newer phone and it gets released to the public, freeing that phone from being locked down, but also opening it up to a whole slew of idiots that should't be allowed to have a miniUSB cable in their home.
I can honestly say that I have NEVER bricked a phone. I will say I have had issues come up, but never enough to consider the phone an expensive paperweight.
Currently I am working on porting the Android 1.6 rom from the Dream G1 to the HTC Raphael, a perfect example of software being the main contributor to sales volume.
The Dream has less RAM and NAND memory, less keys on the keyboard and a lower resolution screen than the Raphael, but since it has Android installed it sold quite a bit more than the more feature-laden Raphael.
If I brick the Raphael there's no big loss, It was a free phone...
I tend to cover every aspect when looking into cooking or building roms and anroid installs, unlike most who will flash their phone with something completely wrong for their device.
To any of the "kiddies" reading this, RESEARCH your device, RESEARCH the phone you're about to flash it to and RESEARCH known problems after install so you don't post flames to the OP of the ROM/build! Most good cooks will post known problems with their ROMs' and even tell you if you need to flash a different radio or not.
I hate seeing 300+ replies to a ROM posting... Most of the info is in the FIRST or SECOND post, unless otherwize stated by the OP.
(I needed to rant... sorry if I offended anyone)
PoXFreak said:
The biggest issue I have is when a dev. writes an unlock code for a newer phone and it gets released to the public, freeing that phone from being locked down, but also opening it up to a whole slew of idiots that should't be allowed to have a miniUSB cable in their home.
I can honestly say that I have NEVER bricked a phone. I will say I have had issues come up, but never enough to consider the phone an expensive paperweight.
Currently I am working on porting the Android 1.6 rom from the Dream G1 to the HTC Raphael, a perfect example of software being the main contributor to sales volume.
The Dream has less RAM and NAND memory, less keys on the keyboard and a lower resolution screen than the Raphael, but since it has Android installed it sold quite a bit more than the more feature-laden Raphael.
If I brick the Raphael there's no big loss, It was a free phone...
I tend to cover every aspect when looking into cooking or building roms and anroid installs, unlike most who will flash their phone with something completely wrong for their device.
To any of the "kiddies" reading this, RESEARCH your device, RESEARCH the phone you're about to flash it to and RESEARCH known problems after install so you don't post flames to the OP of the ROM/build! Most good cooks will post known problems with their ROMs' and even tell you if you need to flash a different radio or not.
I hate seeing 300+ replies to a ROM posting... Most of the info is in the FIRST or SECOND post, unless otherwize stated by the OP.
(I needed to rant... sorry if I offended anyone)
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This.
Firstly, good luck with your project. I have an old Raphael here so if I can be of help testing or whatever, let me know.
Second, you're exactly right. If you do the research, the issues you run into generally aren't overwhelming, and because you've read you already know what to do if you run into them. It's the kids that come in with their new toy, try and flash **** and **** it up, then expect the whole forum to bend over backwards to provide everything they need to fix their f*ck up. If they'd done what they should have done in the first place, we wouldn't be having this conversation!
First off let me say thanks for the support on my forum topic. I was a "noob" as well at one time. Heck we are all "noobs" with each new rom,tablet,sdk,phone,o.s. that hits the streets as each one has its own set of issues and work arounds.
For example when I went to root my dell streak 7 I read up on it, I read about all the options and how they worked , looked for what problems others had, if it was even a good option for me at the time. Then i took what seemed the most popular option and what seemed to work best for others. and while reading up on the process i came across the adb stuff as mentioned before.
I was like holy crap whats all that I have to do. Well at least I have a back ground in modding and computer repaires going back years so I have the means to understand what i am reading.
But like mentioned before most of these people have no idea what adb is or how to set it up or even use it, they just jump right in with the first half ass'd wrote tutorial that useually leaves a set out and bingo they brick thier device.
Then go and return or send it in for replacement jacking up the cost for everyone else.
All I can say is read read read read read read read oh and READ some more before you go and think your a hacker and mess with your 500 dollar phone or tablet. then go cry and want a free replacement when YOU screw it up.
IM not perfect I bricked the hell out of a nook color BUT If you calm down go on the net and look chances are someone else has done the same thing and the information is out there to undo it just like i found and now my nook is all happy.
IT is very rare that these devices are UNFIXABLE almost 98% of any thing you do to it can be undone if you dont have the knowledge to undo what you have done then you should not be messing with it in the first place period.
and if you have screwed it up dont go run to the store or the warrenty hot line with a bag full of lies. Cowboy up and take the blame dont expect others to bail you out and put even more ecnomic hardships and tighter lock downs on the rest of us becasue that is all your doing.
On the lighter side LOL please excuse my grammer,puctuation,spelling and so forth I get so into my posts sometimes I dont pay any attention lol. Then when I se the post I go wow I look like an idiot but a lazy one I dont bother to fix it .
sorry, but you are completely wrong. This is absolutely not how market works.
The price is not calculated and is not at all based on how many of devices get broken - which is how they are classified.
If all, then on contrary, the price may be reduced to reflect percentage of returned pieces. But again there is no dependence here.
Moreover, those devices will get reused, and will add on statistics to show problem with flashing, based on which they may try to make flashing more easy and foolproof. Yes maybe they'll decide to close some holes and make it more difficult to customize, but they might also decide to loose security here a little.
Look at HTC, you probably would agree they know about custom rom reflashing and I would say they even pulled some ropes to make it possible or easier.
It's market again, people who put custom ROM in their phone are more like pda freaks, specialist and their friends know them as such and when buying a phone asks them for opinion. So it's good for them to keep us, pda freaks, happy and allow us to tamper with their phones to be so.
Agree 110% that users should read, read, read and ask questions to be sure they fully understand what they are doing and the consequences before trying modifications. They should be held responsible for their actions. Hard-working developers waste far too much time bailing out fools from their own foolishness.
There should be far more posts like in this thread all over the internet.
papo said:
sorry, but you are completely wrong. This is absolutely not how market works.
The price is not calculated and is not at all based on how many of devices get broken - which is how they are classified.
If all, then on contrary, the price may be reduced to reflect percentage of returned pieces. But again there is no dependence here.
Moreover, those devices will get reused, and will add on statistics to show problem with flashing, based on which they may try to make flashing more easy and foolproof. Yes maybe they'll decide to close some holes and make it more difficult to customize, but they might also decide to loose security here a little.
Look at HTC, you probably would agree they know about custom rom reflashing and I would say they even pulled some ropes to make it possible or easier.
It's market again, people who put custom ROM in their phone are more like pda freaks, specialist and their friends know them as such and when buying a phone asks them for opinion. So it's good for them to keep us, pda freaks, happy and allow us to tamper with their phones to be so.
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Hum ... maybe you are right but maybe you are wrong. let me tell you my opinion of why I think you are wrong.
You say that all these returned devices that people jack up dont affect the market but somehow help the numbers?
OK I myself and most other people I know, if you go into a best buy lets say for the sake of argument and they have 2 tablets on the self One is brand new never been owned sealed up at 299.99. and the other is 10% off (I thinkthat is thier standard drop for open box) open box buy. what one are you gonna chose? knowing what people do with these things I dont know about you but to me the 30 bucks savings isnt worth the hassle of returning it when it doesnt work or to find out someone monkeyed with it. And i feel i am not alone and why there are so many open box buys sitting around on shelves.
Walmart doesnt restock returned tablets or phones doesnt matter if they are working or not they return everything to the manufacturer.
Manufacturers by law cannot resell a used item as new it has to be listed as refurbished.
so where do all these refurbished tablets go??? I dont see them. does anyone here have one? No they go to sleasy civic center electronics shows for resell at nearkly full retail and who buys them? no one at that pric people would rather have a new one. not to mention by the time the refubished junk makes its rounds to be resold its outdated and everyone wants the new thing.
Dont believe me there are stil factory refubished sega dreamcasts for sale on the internet... thats like form what 12 years ago.
all this material sitting arund DOES affect the prices we pay manufactures cant have 300 million in feurbished items sitting arund unsold with out it affecting its bottom line. so who pays for it... we do with higher prices.
also with that many items comming in defective they know which ones were hacked and messed up and which ones where manufacturing defects. when you get 100's of millions in loses do to people messing around with and screwing up your product YES you will lock it down more to make it harder.
Lets put this into a laymans terms.. lets say you own and run a chair store yes all you make are chairs. this month you made 100 chairs. well lets say 50 of them came back for refunds because people used them as something to stand on and broke them. so now your company is running at a greater then 60% loss. not only are you out the retail money for the chairs, your out the labor, the material, and the cost of now doing something with all the broken chairs. whicj included fixing them and then resellig them on a secondary market for less then the original retail. at this point your out a wad of cash and no body wants to buy your once broken chairs.
OK so now how do you go about correcting the problem you have keep people from breaking your chairs so you get less returns and there fore have a better bottom line so now you have to buy stornger wood, stronger glue, and make a more robust chair that people cant break.
all of this drives your costs up and profits down so what do you do?? Thats right you increase the cost of the chair.
You maybe right I dont think I have any idea how a market works.
i agree, just like real life, things come with inscructions for a reason.
i mean, if you buy a peice of furniture from ikea...well, good luck even with the inscructions (i flipping hate ikea, to many parts to assemble)
but the point is, they are there to show you what do to, i managed to read them, and i got my skyraider (i want to flash to a 2.3 rom, but, due to bugs and reading alot of them are glitchy, gonna hold off on that for a while.
I'm not gonna lie, I bricked my first Android phone, However.. HTC Replaced the internals Not everyone that does this is a noob, it only takes 1 mistake or 1 panic to they do something and it breaks Mine bricked flashing a radio (I had read no instructions) I saw the phone with a triangle on when it rebooted and was like ahh?! Have I broke it and ripped the battery out.. Which did infact break it However rooting etc. where to even download the tools needed you have to read through very simple step by step instructions which are HARD not to do exactly as said Then maybe I don't see how people end up breaking them
I have issues with these noobs wanting one click, exploits for everything and then when you.. (okay, I) suggest maybe, they actually learn, how to do it by long division...ie the "long way"...I get told to "get with the times" and "I, don't need too"....No?, well don't come crying to, me when something goes, wrong....I'll be too busy playing around on MY device....THAT ACTUALLY WORKS....
Sent using two tin cans and some string.....
Babydoll25 said:
I have issues with these noobs wanting one click, exploits for everything and then when you.. (okay, I) suggest maybe, they actually learn, how to do it by long division...ie the "long way"...I get told to "get with the times" and "I, don't need too"....No?, well don't come crying to, me when something goes, wrong....I'll be too busy playing around on MY device....THAT ACTUALLY WORKS....
Sent using two tin cans and some string.....
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Damn right. You tell someone to go and do the 'hard' work themselves, all of a sudden these pr*cks step up and have the nerve to call you out. I'm sorry, but this place needs assholes, and lots of them. Kiddies will never learn if they're spoon-fed everything. Nothing teaches you something quicker than a smack on the ass.
I don't see anything at all wrong with calling out n00bs and serving a few idiots, provided it's done civilly. You'll always upset some people, but you can't be all things to all people, and I'd much rather be thought of as an asshole here and do my bit to cut down the bullsh*t, than sit idly by and watch this place die.
I can see it over in the desire hd forums too(and i bet it's the same situaion on other forums too). There are more and more people who are too stupid to read one of the guides in the dev section. We have dozens of threads on how to downgrade/ s-off. And these aren't just for the lulz.
Everyday we get tons of new threads like "HALP MEH I HAZ NO TAIM TO READ TEH GUIDES SO PLIZ HALP MEH UNLOCKING MAH PHONE!!!!!!!!!" or "I NO HAS READ GUIDE AND I NOW ONLY HAS WHITE HTC SCREEN!!!!11"...
It seems that they haven't even clicked one single time on the Dev-section before creating a new thread about a bootloop or anything else.
And last but no least: the search button.
It's the same story again. The forum is full of questions that were answered like a billion times in the past.
Guys, when will you realise it? It takes some effort to make our phones working as we want them to. And the most important thing to do is reading. Read the guides some users put a lot of effort in. Read them to understand your device better and read them just to hit the Thanks Button on the bottom of the guide.
Sent out of my Free Candy Van.
MacaronyMax said:
I'm not gonna lie, I bricked my first Android phone, However.. HTC Replaced the internals Not everyone that does this is a noob, it only takes 1 mistake or 1 panic to they do something and it breaks Mine bricked flashing a radio (I had read no instructions) I saw the phone with a triangle on when it rebooted and was like ahh?! Have I broke it and ripped the battery out.. Which did infact break it However rooting etc. where to even download the tools needed you have to read through very simple step by step instructions which are HARD not to do exactly as said Then maybe I don't see how people end up breaking them
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because noobs think they can do everything in one-shot and end up getting bit on the ass
plus one rom i had to go back and wipe it 4 times before it finally booted back the startup loop
so, trial and error and paitionce also is important.
Babydoll25 said:
I have issues with these noobs wanting one click, exploits for everything and then when you.. (okay, I) suggest maybe, they actually learn, how to do it by long division...ie the "long way"...I get told to "get with the times" and "I, don't need too"....No?, well don't come crying to, me when something goes, wrong....I'll be too busy playing around on MY device....THAT ACTUALLY WORKS....
Sent using two tin cans and some string.....
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no, those aren;'t noobs, those are lazy people. they think technology will be instant...no, sorry never will, people get new tv's and think that everything will be setup out of the box, sadly this is why they have techs who have to come out and set the thing up for you because you were too ****ing lazy to take 30 minutes to an hour and do it yourself and save a buttload of money.
and how I rooted and got my roms on there? i read inscructions.....and Cvbcbcmv's video :/
Oh you poor OP. When will you learn?
Everyone was born unique. Therefore, everyone who was born falls on a different spot on the normal IQ curve. For everyone who is smart, quiet, listens to instructions, and respectful, there will be one d1ckwad on the other end of the equation (stupid, noisy, jumps the gun, and douchey).
From my experience, I know that I can only pray for these people and get the heck out of the dev section unless I need a new ROM.
But, all said and done, don't be discouraged by these id10ts, and continue to believe in humanity, or at least in me. I have never bricked my Desire, and the one time I was >< this close to bricking it, I knew what I did wrong and was prepared to fully accept the price of my stupidity. I have also read the instruction manual that came with my phone end to end (barring the index pages, anyway).
sakai4eva said:
Oh you poor OP. When will you learn?
Everyone was born unique. Therefore, everyone who was born falls on a different spot on the normal IQ curve. For everyone who is smart, quiet, listens to instructions, and respectful, there will be one d1ckwad on the other end of the equation (stupid, noisy, jumps the gun, and douchey).
From my experience, I know that I can only pray for these people and get the heck out of the dev section unless I need a new ROM.
But, all said and done, don't be discouraged by these id10ts, and continue to believe in humanity, or at least in me. I have never bricked my Desire, and the one time I was >< this close to bricking it, I knew what I did wrong and was prepared to fully accept the price of my stupidity. I have also read the instruction manual that came with my phone end to end (barring the index pages, anyway).
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Correction. Three dickwads
juzz86 said:
Correction. Three dickwads
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If XDA have this button called "follow", I'd click on it right now.
sakai4eva said:
If XDA have this button called "follow", I'd click on it right now.
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Cheers mate.
Unfortunately, some clowns are even beyond prayers. Look at how many threads there are for the f*cking Photon 4G. You'd think someone would have a look first, hey?
I don't want to be a Senior Member anymore. I want my user tag to be 'Ban Hammer'. Then watch me go!
Juzz86 - Ban Hammer
EDIT: Nice t1ts
The quote is funnier when you finally get the innuendos.
*Warning!* Contains content that you may not agree with!
I was going through my hard drive and found this cached from Gizmodo, about a year ago. Mature responses only, please! And remember, you can talk to people about your worries, you really can.
Bill Zeller * 2011
I have the urge to declare my sanity and justify my actions, but I assume I'll never be able to convince anyone that this was the right decision. Maybe it's true that anyone who does this is insane by definition, but I can at least explain my reasoning. I considered not writing any of this because of how personal it is, but I like tying up loose ends and don't want people to wonder why I did this. Since I've never spoken to anyone about what happened to me, people would likely draw the wrong conclusions.
My first memories as a child are of being raped, repeatedly. This has affected every aspect of my life. This darkness, which is the only way I can describe it, has followed me like a fog, but at times intensified and overwhelmed me, usually triggered by a distinct situation. In kindergarten I couldn't use the bathroom and would stand petrified whenever I needed to, which started a trend of awkward and unexplained social behavior. The damage that was done to my body still prevents me from using the bathroom normally, but now it's less of a physical impediment than a daily reminder of what was done to me.
This darkness followed me as I grew up. I remember spending hours playing with legos, having my world consist of me and a box of cold, plastic blocks. Just waiting for everything to end. It's the same thing I do now, but instead of legos it's surfing the web or reading or listening to a baseball game. Most of my life has been spent feeling dead inside, waiting for my body to catch up.
At times growing up I would feel inconsolable rage, but I never connected this to what happened until puberty. I was able to keep the darkness at bay for a few hours at a time by doing things that required intense concentration, but it would always come back. Programming appealed to me for this reason. I was never particularly fond of computers or mathematically inclined, but the temporary peace it would provide was like a drug. But the darkness always returned and built up something like a tolerance, because programming has become less and less of a refuge.
The darkness is with me nearly every time I wake up. I feel like a grime is covering me. I feel like I'm trapped in a contimated body that no amount of washing will clean. Whenever I think about what happened I feel manic and itchy and can't concentrate on anything else. It manifests itself in hours of eating or staying up for days at a time or sleeping for sixteen hours straight or week long programming binges or constantly going to the gym. I'm exhausted from feeling like this every hour of every day.
Three to four nights a week I have nightmares about what happened. It makes me avoid sleep and constantly tired, because sleeping with what feels like hours of nightmares is not restful. I wake up sweaty and furious. I'm reminded every morning of what was done to me and the control it has over my life.
I've never been able to stop thinking about what happened to me and this hampered my social interactions. I would be angry and lost in thought and then be interrupted by someone saying "Hi" or making small talk, unable to understand why I seemed cold and distant. I walked around, viewing the outside world from a distant portal behind my eyes, unable to perform normal human niceties. I wondered what it would be like to take to other people without what happened constantly on my mind, and I wondered if other people had similar experiences that they were better able to mask.
Alcohol was also something that let me escape the darkness. It would always find me later, though, and it was always angry that I managed to escape and it made me pay. Many of the irresponsible things I did were the result of the darkness. Obviously I'm responsible for every decision and action, including this one, but there are reasons why things happen the way they do.
Alcohol and other drugs provided a way to ignore the realities of my situation. It was easy to spend the night drinking and forget that I had no future to look forward to. I never liked what alcohol did to me, but it was better than facing my existence honestly. I haven't touched alcohol or any other drug in over seven months (and no drugs or alcohol will be involved when I do this) and this has forced me to evaluate my life in an honest and clear way. There's no future here. The darkness will always be with me.
I used to think if I solved some problem or achieved some goal, maybe he would leave. It was comforting to identify tangible issues as the source of my problems instead of something that I'll never be able to change. I thought that if I got into to a good college, or a good grad school, or lost weight, or went to the gym nearly every day for a year, or created programs that millions of people used, or spent a summer or California or New York or published papers that I was proud of, then maybe I would feel some peace and not be constantly haunted and unhappy. But nothing I did made a dent in how depressed I was on a daily basis and nothing was in any way fulfilling. I'm not sure why I ever thought that would change anything.
I didn't realize how deep a hold he had on me and my life until my first relationship. I stupidly assumed that no matter how the darkness affected me personally, my romantic relationships would somehow be separated and protected. Growing up I viewed my future relationships as a possible escape from this thing that haunts me every day, but I began to realize how entangled it was with every aspect of my life and how it is never going to release me. Instead of being an escape, relationships and romantic contact with other people only intensified everything about him that I couldn't stand. I will never be able to have a relationship in which he is not the focus, affecting every aspect of my romantic interactions.
Relationships always started out fine and I'd be able to ignore him for a few weeks. But as we got closer emotionally the darkness would return and every night it'd be me, her and the darkness in a black and gruesome threesome. He would surround me and penetrate me and the more we did the more intense it became. It made me hate being touched, because as long as we were separated I could view her like an outsider viewing something good and kind and untainted. Once we touched, the darkness would envelope her too and take her over and the evil inside me would surround her. I always felt like I was infecting anyone I was with.
Relationships didn't work. No one I dated was the right match, and I thought that maybe if I found the right person it would overwhelm him. Part of me knew that finding the right person wouldn't help, so I became interested in girls who obviously had no interest in me. For a while I thought I was gay. I convinced myself that it wasn't the darkness at all, but rather my orientation, because this would give me control over why things didn't feel "right". The fact that the darkness affected sexual matters most intensely made this idea make some sense and I convinced myself of this for a number of years, starting in college after my first relationship ended. I told people I was gay (at Trinity, not at Princeton), even though I wasn't attracted to men and kept finding myself interested in girls. Because if being gay wasn't the answer, then what was? People thought I was avoiding my orientation, but I was actually avoiding the truth, which is that while I'm straight, I will never be content with anyone. I know now that the darkness will never leave.
Last spring I met someone who was unlike anyone else I'd ever met. Someone who showed me just how well two people could get along and how much I could care about another human being. Someone I know I could be with and love for the rest of my life, if I weren't so ****ed up. Amazingly, she liked me. She liked the shell of the man the darkness had left behind. But it didn't matter because I couldn't be alone with her. It was never just the two of us, it was always the three of us: her, me and the darkness. The closer we got, the more intensely I'd feel the darkness, like some evil mirror of my emotions. All the closeness we had and I loved was complemented by agony that I couldn't stand, from him. I realized that I would never be able to give her, or anyone, all of me or only me. She could never have me without the darkness and evil inside me. I could never have just her, without the darkness being a part of all of our interactions. I will never be able to be at peace or content or in a healthy relationship. I realized the futility of the romantic part of my life. If I had never met her, I would have realized this as soon as I met someone else who I meshed similarly well with. It's likely that things wouldn't have worked out with her and we would have broken up (with our relationship ending, like the majority of relationships do) even if I didn't have this problem, since we only dated for a short time. But I will face exactly the same problems with the darkness with anyone else. Despite my hopes, love and compatability is not enough. Nothing is enough. There's no way I can fix this or even push the darkness down far enough to make a relationship or any type of intimacy feasible.
So I watched as things fell apart between us. I had put an explicit time limit on our relationship, since I knew it couldn't last because of the darkness and didn't want to hold her back, and this caused a variety of problems. She was put in an unnatural situation that she never should have been a part of. It must have been very hard for her, not knowing what was actually going on with me, but this is not something I've ever been able to talk about with anyone. Losing her was very hard for me as well. Not because of her (I got over our relationship relatively quickly), but because of the realization that I would never have another relationship and because it signified the last true, exclusive personal connection I could ever have. This wasn't apparent to other people, because I could never talk about the real reasons for my sadness. I was very sad in the summer and fall, but it was not because of her, it was because I will never escape the darkness with anyone. She was so loving and kind to me and gave me everything I could have asked for under the circumstances. I'll never forget how much happiness she brought me in those briefs moments when I could ignore the darkness. I had originally planned to kill myself last winter but never got around to it. (Parts of this letter were written over a year ago, other parts days before doing this.) It was wrong of me to involve myself in her life if this were a possibility and I should have just left her alone, even though we only dated for a few months and things ended a long time ago. She's just one more person in a long list of people I've hurt.
I could spend pages talking about the other relationships I've had that were ruined because of my problems and my confusion related to the darkness. I've hurt so many great people because of who I am and my inability to experience what needs to be experienced. All I can say is that I tried to be honest with people about what I thought was true.
I've spent my life hurting people. Today will be the last time.
I've told different people a lot of things, but I've never told anyone about what happened to me, ever, for obvious reasons. It took me a while to realize that no matter how close you are to someone or how much they claim to love you, people simply cannot keep secrets. I learned this a few years ago when I thought I was gay and told people. The more harmful the secret, the juicier the gossip and the more likely you are to be betrayed. People don't care about their word or what they've promised, they just do whatever the **** they want and justify it later. It feels incredibly lonely to realize you can never share something with someone and have it be between just the two of you. I don't blame anyone in particular, I guess it's just how people are. Even if I felt like this is something I could have shared, I have no interest in being part of a friendship or relationship where the other person views me as the damaged and contaminated person that I am. So even if I were able to trust someone, I probably would not have told them about what happened to me. At this point I simply don't care who knows.
I feel an evil inside me. An evil that makes me want to end life. I need to stop this. I need to make sure I don't kill someone, which is not something that can be easily undone. I don't know if this is related to what happened to me or something different. I recognize the irony of killing myself to prevent myself from killing someone else, but this decision should indicate what I'm capable of.
So I've realized I will never escape the darkness or misery associated with it and I have a responsibility to stop myself from physically harming others.
I'm just a broken, miserable shell of a human being. Being molested has defined me as a person and shaped me as a human being and it has made me the monster I am and there's nothing I can do to escape it. I don't know any other existence. I don't know what life feels like where I'm apart from any of this. I actively despise the person I am. I just feel fundamentally broken, almost non-human. I feel like an animal that woke up one day in a human body, trying to make sense of a foreign world, living among creatures it doesn't understand and can't connect with.
I have accepted that the darkness will never allow me to be in a relationship. I will never go to sleep with someone in my arms, feeling the comfort of their hands around me. I will never know what uncontimated intimacy is like. I will never have an exclusive bond with someone, someone who can be the recipient of all the love I have to give. I will never have children, and I wanted to be a father so badly. I think I would have made a good dad. And even if I had fought through the darkness and married and had children all while being unable to feel intimacy, I could have never done that if suicide were a possibility. I did try to minimize pain, although I know that this decision will hurt many of you. If this hurts you, I hope that you can at least forget about me quickly.
There's no point in identifying who molested me, so I'm just going to leave it at that. I doubt the word of a dead guy with no evidence about something that happened over twenty years ago would have much sway.
You may wonder why I didn't just talk to a professional about this. I've seen a number of doctors since I was a teenager to talk about other issues and I'm positive that another doctor would not have helped. I was never given one piece of actionable advice, ever. More than a few spent a large part of the session reading their notes to remember who I was. And I have no interest in talking about being raped as a child, both because I know it wouldn't help and because I have no confidence it would remain secret. I know the legal and practical limits of doctor/patient confidentiality, growing up in a house where we'd hear stories about the various mental illnesses of famous people, stories that were passed down through generations. All it takes is one doctor who thinks my story is interesting enough to share or a doctor who thinks it's her right or responsibility to contact the authorities and have me identify the molestor (justifying her decision by telling herself that someone else might be in danger). All it takes is a single doctor who violates my trust, just like the "friends" who I told I was gay did, and everything would be made public and I'd be forced to live in a world where people would know how ****ed up I am. And yes, I realize this indicates that I have severe trust issues, but they're based on a large number of experiences with people who have shown a profound disrepect for their word and the privacy of others.
People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it's also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day.
Some people are just dealt bad hands in this life. I know many people have it worse than I do, and maybe I'm just not a strong person, but I really did try to deal with this. I've tried to deal with this every day for the last 23 years and I just can't ****ing take it anymore.
I often wonder what life must be like for other people. People who can feel the love from others and give it back unadulterated, people who can experience sex as an intimate and joyous experience, people who can experience the colors and happenings of this world without constant misery. I wonder who I'd be if things had been different or if I were a stronger person. It sounds pretty great.
I'm prepared for death. I'm prepared for the pain and I am ready to no longer exist. Thanks to the strictness of New Jersey gun laws this will probably be much more painful than it needs to be, but what can you do. My only fear at this point is messing something up and surviving.
—-
I'd also like to address my family, if you can call them that. I despise everything they stand for and I truly hate them, in a non-emotional, dispassionate and what I believe is a healthy way. The world will be a better place when they're dead—one with less hatred and intolerance.
If you're unfamiliar with the situation, my parents are fundamentalist Christians who kicked me out of their house and cut me off financially when I was 19 because I refused to attend seven hours of church a week.
They live in a black and white reality they've constructed for themselves. They partition the world into good and evil and survive by hating everything they fear or misunderstand and calling it love. They don't understand that good and decent people exist all around us, "saved" or not, and that evil and cruel people occupy a large percentage of their church. They take advantage of people looking for hope by teaching them to practice the same hatred they practice.
A random example:
"I am personally convinced that if a Muslim truly believes and obeys the Koran, he will be a terrorist." - George Zeller, August 24, 2010.
If you choose to follow a religion where, for example, devout Catholics who are trying to be good people are all going to Hell but child molestors go to Heaven (as long as they were "saved" at some point), that's your choice, but it's ****ed up. Maybe a God who operates by those rules does exist. If so, **** Him.
Their church was always more important than the members of their family and they happily sacrificed whatever necessary in order to satisfy their contrived beliefs about who they should be.
I grew up in a house where love was proxied through a God I could never believe in. A house where the love of music with any sort of a beat was literally beaten out of me. A house full of hatred and intolerance, run by two people who were experts at appearing kind and warm when others were around. Parents who tell an eight year old that his grandmother is going to Hell because she's Catholic. Parents who claim not to be racist but then talk about the horrors of miscegenation. I could list hundreds of other examples, but it's tiring.
Since being kicked out, I've interacted with them in relatively normal ways. I talk to them on the phone like nothing happened. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I like pretending I have a family. Maybe I like having people I can talk to about what's been going on in my life. Whatever the reason, it's not real and it feels like a sham. I should have never allowed this reconnection to happen.
I wrote the above a while ago, and I do feel like that much of the time. At other times, though, I feel less hateful. I know my parents honestly believe the crap they believe in. I know that my mom, at least, loved me very much and tried her best. One reason I put this off for so long is because I know how much pain it will cause her. She has been sad since she found out I wasn't "saved", since she believes I'm going to Hell, which is not a sadness for which I am responsible. That was never going to change, and presumably she believes the state of my physical body is much less important than the state of my soul. Still, I cannot intellectually justify this decision, knowing how much it will hurt her. Maybe my ability to take my own life, knowing how much pain it will cause, shows that I am a monster who doesn't deserve to live. All I know is that I can't deal with this pain any longer and I'm am truly sorry I couldn't wait until my family and everyone I knew died so this could be done without hurting anyone. For years I've wished that I'd be hit by a bus or die while saving a baby from drowning so my death might be more acceptable, but I was never so lucky.
—-
To those of you who have shown me love, thank you for putting up with all my ****tiness and moodiness and arbitrariness. I was never the person I wanted to be. Maybe without the darkness I would have been a better person, maybe not. I did try to be a good person, but I realize I never got very far.
I'm sorry for the pain this causes. I really do wish I had another option. I hope this letter explains why I needed to do this. If you can't understand this decision, I hope you can at least forgive me.
Bill Zeller
—-
Please save this letter and repost it if gets deleted. I don't want people to wonder why I did this. I disseminated it more widely than I might have otherwise because I'm worried that my family might try to restrict access to it. I don't mind if this letter is made public. In fact, I'd prefer it be made public to people being unable to read it and drawing their own conclusions.
Feel free to republish this letter, but only if it is reproduced in its entirety.
that's depressing, but it puts things in perspective. I read it all.
thanks.
--sent from my glacier.
Horrible that he got so constantly downed by his family and those around him that he never felt he could trust anyone enough to open up and tell what happened to him. I don 't know that he could have been helped because what he went through had to have been scarring beyond belief, but at least he may have had a chance.
At least the work he did left a positive impact on the world for a lot of people.
Is there a TL;DR version?
jaszek said:
Is there a TL;DR version?
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Skim it. Only version available, sorry.
Sent from my HTC Intruder
Bump. Definitely something worth reading.
This man needed Jesus so badly. It's heartbreaking to hear of things like this.
Ok folks, I don't frequently ask for advice in matters of the heart or personal stuff. Typically I confine myself to the realm of IT and phones. But awhile back when I was still whacked out over my Ex, I hurt someone I cared for greatly. It's been tough making things work out but I decided to lay everything on the line and I am mailing the following letter to her in hopes of things working out. Any input especially from the fairer sex (if there be any here :laugh would be appreciated. Any thoughts folks?
Redacted
,
There’s a great deal of things I would like to say to you. Many would most likely just be a rehash of things I have said before. I don’t believe though that anything I ever say from this moment on would be sufficient to change the way things are right now. I know I have tried time and time again to express my sincere regret for my actions. I did something terrible to you. It wasn’t getting you sick, it wasn’t making you feel used, and it wasn’t being a real jerk to you. It was turning my back on you. I walked away when I should have stayed and stood by you. I truly regret my actions and if I could, I would take them back and do things differently. I would have stayed by your side. I would have shown you that I was a good man and that I truly do care for you.
I’ve said this before and I do mean it, I have always felt something for you. Ever since we were children a part of me has been in love with you. Not just because I think you are beautiful, but because of who you are. I’ve always loved the way you carried yourself, the way you moved, the way you sat, everything. It wasn’t until we were adults that I realized behind the beauty and grace was a mind that was as wonderful as the rest of you. You are an amazing woman whom anyone would be lucky to have in their life.
When I changed my status and you messaged me, we talked and ended up admitting truths. When you accepted my offer for a date, I was elated. How often does the woman of your dreams, the one you’ve had a crush on your entire life, the one you always imagined asking out, actually pay attention to you and says yes to a date with you? When we went out, I thought I was over the past and I was wrong. I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I did.
The worst thing for me is being alone. Not necessarily being alone, but being alone in my thoughts. When I’m alone, I have nothing to distract me from my thoughts. I’ve had time to evaluate my actions, my decisions, and my life. I see a great many mistakes I have made in my life. Many of them I cringe at knowing I did or said those things. I look back at turning my back on you and I want to just berate myself and kick myself over and over again for what I did. I was a fool for doing that. You deserved better than my actions and I have no excuse for what I did. Regardless of my mindset or my thoughts at the time, you deserved someone who would be there especially when he caused it. I wasn’t.
Since then, I have wanted nothing more than to make it up to you. To show you I am the man you deserve. I’ve wanted nothing more than to deserve you. I know I’ve made a royal mess of my life due to my actions and have damaged yours as well. You were doing great and while you may have wanted more in life and would have eventually attained that goal, I set you back. I don’t know how far and I hope it’s not nearly as far as I believe it to be. I believe you deserve the best in life. I believe we all do. I don’t know if I am what’s best for you, but I know that for me, settling for anyone other than you would be a grave mistake on my part. I would be a true fool to not try and show you I am a good man and I deserve a second chance.
I’ve tried calling you a fair amount lately, as well as texting you. You haven’t answered my phone calls and lately haven’t answered a single text. I can’t say I blame you for not talking to me all things considered. I’ve been terrible to you and haven’t been the person you need in your life. I want to be that man but I don’t know if you can ever let go of the past and the distrust. I don’t know if you can ever truly trust me again. That in itself is a shame as I am a good man and would be willing to do just about anything to ensure your well being and your happiness. Once committed to something, I am determined to see it through. Perhaps you think I should be committed for being this way, but it’s who I am. It takes something major to change my mind about things. I think you know that by now.
I know that between not working and with the medical issues you’ve mentioned that you might be unsure of things. I know that you’ve said you don’t believe I can make decisions that take you into consideration. I want you to know that even knowing that you have problems medically, that if things are as bad as you fear, that you may not be around for as long as you would like to be, I am still here and I won’t walk away just because things are difficult again. I did once and I learned a valuable lesson from doing so. I learned what was worth fighting for and what wasn’t. I want to be there for you. I want to show you the support you deserve and be there for you when you want and need me. I already am even though you may not want me to be.
You agreed with me once that if I had not been a fool and been the man a woman like you deserves, we both may have been happy together right now. Despite all the bad, we would have been together and together we would have worked towards something great.
There’s a saying, one that I agree with, “Nothing good in life is ever easy.” I believe that the best things in life are worth fighting for. I believe that you are worth it. That despite where I may stand in your eyes or in your heart, I believe trying is the right thing to do. I may be wrong but without your input, I don’t know to stop.
I am not asking you to jump into anything with me. I would like for you to, but I can wait a bit for that. What I am asking is that we start over and that you let me prove to you that I am worth a second chance. I want to prove to you that I am the man you deserve, one that will always be there for you. I’d like to pick up things where we left off, but I don’t believe that’s an option anymore. I’m willing to start anywhere you think we should just so that one day I can rebuild the trust I shattered and one day we can have a relationship that puts others to shame.
I want to be more to you than a bad decision easily forgotten. I believe I deserve better than that and I believe that I can be the absolute best choice you’ve ever made.
You once said that I should focus on rebuilding my life. You said that I should fix my life before trying to start a relationship with you. I am working towards that every day. I have good and bad days but overall, things are moving in the right direction. I believe though that when I am not working or able to work towards my goals, the free time I have so to speak, that those times are when I should work on rebuilding your trust and our friendship, that those times should be spent with you.
I am going to rebuild my life better than before. I want that life to include you, to be there for you and you for me. I would like for us to be together for as long as we have on this earth. I would ask for the next life too, but I don’t want to seem too eager or greedy. I know things don’t always work out as planned and that all of this may be wishful thinking, but I truly believe that we were in each other’s paths again after so long a time apart for a reason. I do not believe though that our paths should diverge just yet. I believe that there is more for us here and that we should pursue it. I hope that deep down you feel the same way. I hope that somewhere deep inside is the desire to see things work out and for us to have a chance together even after everything that I caused.
I’ve made mistakes in my life before. I’ve made a great many of them, but none as great or none I regret more than hurting you and breaking your trust. I want you to know I will spend the rest of my life and do anything I have to in order to earn back your trust and friendship, to earn back the look in your eyes when you looked into mine, the right to hold your hand in mine again, to hold you close and say the things that matter in life.
I want to try again. I want to be the man for you. Will you let me be that man?
Sincerely,
Darrell
You sound like a young man. Take some advice from a 33 yr old that has walked many paths and who has loved and lost. As cliche as it sounds, its true, if its ment to be, it will happen. Explaining to her how you hurt and and how much you love her will not make her comeback. The heart wants what it wants. I know the pain at time seems unbearable at times and the obsesive thoughts seem to never to stop, but in time, the pain starts to recede, the thoughts slowly die down. Concentrate on yourself for now, stay away from alcohol, and live one day at a time. In time, you will find that special someone, and she will be nothing but a memory.
Man I hate to tell you but I hope the kids in OT don't have a hay day with this. It's a legitimate request. If things get to outta hand, hit me up with a PM. I've been down this road and it's not an easy one. If you want advice, shoot me a message. Best of luck to ya man!!
A toast from my Gnex aboard the Satisfaction!
Actually I'm 33. Big loveable guy at heart lol.
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DarrellRaines said:
Actually I'm 33. Big loveable guy at heart lol.
Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using xda premium
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O rly!? :what: Me and you have lived very diffrent lives.
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Some parts of it seemed long and repetitive.
I think you can cut it shorter but still say what you want to say.
If she hasn't replied your texts or returned your phone calls, a letter this long may be thrown out immediately.
Just my 2 cents.
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LoopDoGG79 said:
O rly!? :what: Me and you have lived very diffrent lives.
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I've been lucky. Up until recently I should say. I love freely and end up getting hurt a lot. We are the sum of our life experiences.
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I immediately skipped to this line at the bottom
I want to try again. I want to be the man for you. Will you let me be that man?
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That's all I need to read to tell you that you need to move on. Sorry, but it's true. Just the fact that you're asking her if you can "be that man" just says a lot.
I believe I deserve better than that
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Prove it. Go out there and find somebody better. After all, you do deserve it.
Ooooohhhhhh k, now that I've re-read it, I gotta take back what I said. Dude, you can't put yourself out there like that. You might as well be the weird stalker guy that watches her go to the grocery store. You gotta move on man. Swallow what little bit of pride you have and keep on going.
A wise man once told me, the only way to get over one girl is to get under another.
A toast from my Gnex aboard the Satisfaction!
'I am not asking you to jump into anything with me. I would like for you to, but I can wait a bit for that.'
you shouldn't write 'i can wait a bit'...
it sounds like 'yeah if you don't get laid by me next week, i'll search for another one'...
just write 'i can wait'
PS: good luck to you man!
Okay, I'm writing this in Notepad as I read what you wrote.
First paragraph, I'd trim this down. A lot of it is shooting yourself in the foot is going on here if your goal in this is to try to win her back.
"I turned my back on you. I walked away when I should have stayed and stood by you. I truly regret my actions. I wish I'd had the sense to stay by your side - I wish I could have been a better man."
Second paragraph, I'd cut this entirely, at least this early on.
Third paragraph : "You deserved better". You could attach this to the first at this point. A lot of this feels like a guilt trip for her when you're claiming you've hurt her. Don't tell her why YOU are needy and need her - why should she care (even if she does) ?
Fourth paragraph, same as second. This feels kind of random and unnecessary at this point.
Fifth paragraph. Okay. I don't know the situation, so that makes this really hard. But I wouldn't say in your letter that you DESERVE a second chance. Don't put this on her like she somehow needs to do you a favour. " I know I’ve made a royal mess of my life due to my actions and have damaged yours as well. You were doing great and while you may have wanted more in life and would have eventually attained that goal, I set you back. I don’t know how far, but I hope you're still able to attain all you wanted*" (*I don't know the situation, so I don't know how much she can expect ?) Tell her how you can HELP her attain whatever it is you set her back from, even if you can't directly.
Sixth paragraph. This whole letter is really vague so far - have you edited it for the internet ? If not, I'd be more specific. "I don't know if you can ever trust me again, that I understand". She knows she's been ignoring you - you don't have to tell HER that.
Seventh. "I wish I had been good enough to not have to hurt you in the process of learning what was worth living and fighting for". Somethingn like that.
Eight. You've basically said this before. Stop dwelling on it - it happened. What can you do to at least tell her in words that you're comitted to making a CHANGE ? What would you do in the FUTURE with her if you got back together at this point ? What would you do for HER ?
Nine. "Starting over" is not what you want. If you started over, well, you'd end up in the same place, right ? You need to express that you've learned and that that is always with you - that you're not going to mentally "start over".
Ten. Okay, what progress HAVE you made ? Can you tell her about THAT ? What can you do to make progress with her ? What would you like to do if you were to start "slow" ?
Eleven and Tweleve. I'm not going to comment on these, specifically.
Okay, so.
If I was reading this, I would feel you're too focused on NEEDING her and it's a lot of words, words, words - but no action. It's all talk and not much substance to actually mean something to someone who's been hurt. Address what you did. Address what you would DO. Address HOW you've changed, what you're doing. Let her know specifics about what you're doing to improve your life and yourself. Let her know HOW you can help her, what are you willing to do ? How can you support her ?
I'm not here to comment on if this is the right thing to do or if you need to move on. Maybe you do - I don't know. I don't know you or the situation. I'm just reading this, trying to think about if I'd been sent it.
I'm reading a whole lot of "I WANT you in MY life" - but no really good reasons why she should want to be in yours. Why should she ? ... SHOULD she ? If it really would be good for her, why ? Don't tell her that she needs to "fight" for this with you - if she's the one who's been hurt, why should she have to struggle any more ? Show her that you've changed and advanced enough that it wouldn't need to be something difficult.
Don't take this too personally. I don't know you, I don't know her - I don't know what happened. I can't tell you the best 'advice' possible without that.
Beware rebounds. If you haven't fixed your **** before trying to move on, you'll invariably **** up again and probably make the same sort of mistakes - or hey, maybe even all new ones. Figure your **** out - it's what this girl you're writing to wants to see - and it's what any girl who isn't going to be another couple broken hearts is going to want to see. It's old, but it's true - you can't expect to find someone to fully love and commit to you if you're not even fully what you want from yourself.
I tried. :good:
^ Great suggestions.
To OP, I read the whole thing. Twice. You're truly expressing yourself, but you don't need to keep reminding her what happened. She KNOWS what happened. And I would even say she dwells on it. So saying stuff like 'I turned my back on you" wouldn't really help. Being self critical is fine, but I found it to be slightly overkill.
And, in the whole letter, I kept searching for the world "sorry". You haven't said sorry even once. You NEED to tell her your sorry. She NEEDS to know that. You need to actually apologize to her instead of saying that you are unworthy.
If you really think she's the one, go pursue her, and don't let up.
I'm much younger than you, but I hope my advice helps.
Best of luck, mate.
So I read your letter and I can see that you're very troubled with the situation. A lot of people here have given you great advice, I'd really consider not shooting yourself in the foot like the person above stated.
My main concern is the letter seems more about you feeling bad and wanting to make things right rather than actually apologize and let the chips fall where they may, again like the person above stated.
My two cents, take out at least half of your "I"s . Don't beat yourself up especially in a letter to her as that won't inspire confidence in you as a man. Straight up, be a man; apologize for whatever happened, tell her what you feel, and then give her space. Sucks but other than that you'll suffocate her.
Hope all goes well man.
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