I will do you a (dis)service - Off-topic

Hello XDAers. Actually, just OTers.
For Christmas, anyone and everyone who posts here will get either a service (or disservice) from me. Just post anything, a single word or a wall of text, and I will gladly (or reluctantly, depending on my energy levels) write something good or awful or awfully good about what you wrote in relation to you.
Now, begin.

woo.....PLOP

Shi! Shizzz
Sent from my X10i using xda premium

Hey :| Poker face.
-We do what we must because we can; for the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead-

NJ___Jon said:
woo.....PLOP
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Hey Jon.
How's Jersey treating you? Remember that time Snooki went woo and PLOP her ass on your boner and you thought you got herpes? Well, I've got some good news, and some bad news. Are you seated down. If you're not, please sit down. If you're seated, please make yourself comfortable. Not in that way, Jon.
Well, the good news, it's not herpes. I'm sure you're glad, right? The bad news is it's AIDS, so you're pretty much fvcked. I mean, you fvcked. Fvcked up, I mean. Not that I was watching you bang Snooki or anything, I'm sure any position would do, really. But the good news is that now you don't have to live that much longer with the humiliation of knowing that you banged Snooki. Which leads me to the final piece of bad news, since you were drunk that night. You banged Snooki.
Anyhows, I'll be chillin' in Malaysia 'til your wife says it's ok to come back to Jersey. She's loving it here, by the way.

shahkam said:
Shi! Shizzz
Sent from my X10i using xda premium
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Dude, remember that time I brought you to the Victoria's Secret after-party and you went European and got Shizzz in your pants? I told them it was mayonnaise.
She went shi though, and I'm sure the complete and utter humiliation did not push you so far into the closet you ended up in the back ends of Narnia.

Nice imagination, write to this:
Nice imagination, write to this.
Sent from my LG-P999 using xda premium

Sakaiaikikikikikikiki
-My life is a shooting range, people never change-

sakai4eva said:
Dude, remember that time I brought you to the Victoria's Secret after-party and you went European and got Shizzz in your pants? I told them it was mayonnaise.
She went shi though, and I'm sure the complete and utter humiliation did not push you so far into the closet you ended up in the back ends of Narnia.
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One thing to say LMAO !
Sent from my X10i using xda premium

I_am_Error said:
Hey :| Poker face.
-We do what we must because we can; for the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead-
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TO: Mr, Error, I Am.
SUBJECT: Inappropriate behaviour during lectures.
Mr. Error, I bid you good day, despite the fact that you have utterly ruined mine, as well as others' so far. True to your moniker, you have more than managed to personify the very deification your status as the anthropomorphic personification of all that is wrong and erroneous in your time here.
Firstly, Miss Hěi is of a slightly more... sensitive disposition. While her mental and physical disabilities does contribute to her almost clubbing you to death with her umbrella, your childishly immature action of teasing her name by calling out to anyone sitting beside her warrants such response and it is the faculty's opinion that that you deserved it. Calling someone with Down Syndrome "poker face" is also socially frowned upon.
As such, I must inform you that you are now the official Teaching Assistant in the classroom, until and unless your next shenanigan caused further uproar and humour in the faculty whereupon you will be further elevated in the Clown School.
Retards.

moeahmad1995 said:
Nice imagination, write to this:
Nice imagination, write to this.
Sent from my LG-P999 using xda premium
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Moe. You're fvcking 16 already. Stop screaming "ah" and going mad. Your chantings are now so loud the Jones down the street are jonesing. All I hear is
Ricey magic nation light tooth tits: Ricey magic nation light tooth tits.
Which makes no sense.

watt9493 said:
sakaiaikikikikikikiki
-my life is a shooting range, people never change-
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To: 9493, Watt.
Subject: Demise of your partner.
Date: 19th october 2011
Mr 9493, it is with regret that I inform you that your partner Mr 9493, Volt has recently passed. However his life insurance merely covers accidental death and the U.S. Army does not extend DADT benefits retroactively. Accidental insurance could not be used to cover his procedures as he was last seen waving a machete and saying he was a samurai prior to dismembering his member. I quote, verbatim from the transcript that he was last heard yelling "Sakaiaikikikikikikiki" and that is seven kis which is two kis more than the company motto therefore also disqualifying him from the company insurance. However, I am able to offer you a stipend from the widowers' fund as long as you were able to furnish proper proof of matrimony, holy or not. Pictures of anal coitus is not sufficient proof of marriage or of civil union, merely of union, albeit from his face it seemed quite civil. Your adoption of his surname and insistence of it's usage is not evidence either.
As such, unless you furnish us with court admissible proof of civil union and/or marriage in fourteen (14) days from the date of this letter, we will close this file.
Thank you.

Oh, I see what's going on here, and I shall have no part in it!
Oh... I guess I had no choice
Sent from my SilverBullet 'HTCDesireZ running EliteMod'

deliriousDroid said:
Oh, I see what's going on here, and I shall have no part in it!
Oh... I guess I had no choice
Sent from my SilverBullet 'HTCDesireZ running EliteMod'
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That's not what you said when we did it to you.
*wink*

sakai4eva said:
That's not what you said when we did it to you.
*wink*
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O.O
-We do what we must because we can; for the good of all of us, except the ones who are dead-

sakai4eva said:
That's not what you said when we did it to you.
*wink*
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You said you would tell nobody
*runsaway*

Hi!
Sent from my SGH-T959 using xda premium

VeryCoolAlan said:
Hi!
Sent from my SGH-T959 using xda premium
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Hi said Alan,
Who thinks he's cool indeed.
No said sakai,
Little fvcker will bleed.
Jump goes Alan,
Faster than a hare.
Meh said sakai,
His worst night-mare.
Fly, Alan, FLY!
Run away for good!
Heh, said sakai,
Turned him into dog food.
DISCLAIMER: read OP part about disservice.

...
From my fingers to your eyez

cdesai said:
...
From my fingers to your eyez
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ME: Hey.
cdesai: ...
I'm sorry man.
...
Look, I didn't meant for it to happen that way, man.
...
I'm sorry.
...
Stop looking at me like that. You're my friend, and I'd be here for you anyway.
...
Guilt isn't what kept me here. Loyalty is.
...
I'm really sorry.
...
Alright, alright! So it's my fault!
...
Just because I accidentally ripped your vocal chords out doesn't mean you should give me the silent treatment!

Related

I can't believe my mom stooped so low....

My mom called my doctor and said to him "What's the most accurate measurement for weighing?"
The doctor said "An underwater weighing test"
And just like that, my mom said "Yes. When can my son and my daughter can take it?" and the doc said "Today at 2pm."
So, I didn't bother taking a shower and so did my sister too, so I had to get into a special swimming suit(tight pants...Ugh).
My sister said "Can I pull my hair down to a ponytail?" The doctor said "No."
So my sister with her long, blonde hair went underwater with 8 seconds and had she must enjoyed it..but I didn't.
Wait.... What's wrong with a pair of scales =P
Max. (Desire z)
MacaronyMax said:
Wait.... What's wrong with a pair of scales =P
Max. (Desire z)
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Everything
wtf?
1. Why does it matter how much you and your sister weigh?
2. What's wrong with bathroom scales?
AdrianK said:
wtf?
1. Why does it matter how much you and your sister weigh?
2. What's wrong with bathroom scales?
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Haha indeed! Well, they may be overweight but don't want to offend anyone so I did not just say that haha.
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Wait... So the doc as a swimming pool?? How awesome!
!PANDA said:
Haha indeed! Well, they may be overweight but don't want to offend anyone so I did not just say that haha.
Sent from my HTC Desire using XDA App
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Well they chose to post it online
http://www.quickmedical.com/health_information/weight_management/underwater_weighing.html
Hi,
both me and my wife are fighting a desperate (and mostly loosing) fight against the fat.
If you ask me, we as IT workers can but live with it...
Wait I still havn't got the point of this story. What is it the op wants to tell us? Have I missed something?
altae said:
Wait I still havn't got the point of this story. What is it the op wants to tell us? Have I missed something?
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No idea
Probably just a kid venting? From the medical link given, it seems to be a fairer and more accurate measurement of fat to body-mass ratio than merely using a scale. If the OP really has less fat and more bones/muscle, the test would have been a more accurate measurement of obesity than simply using a weighing scale.
And for teenagers screaming invasion of privacy and such, grow up. Rights comes with responsibility. As long as your parents are providing your needs, they can do whatever the heck they wanna as long as it doesn't hurt. Oh, and emotional trauma and PTSD doesn't really hold up in court.
Makes sense, the OP just said 'accurate', it just sounded a bit off...
sakai4eva said:
And for teenagers screaming invasion of privacy and such, grow up. Rights comes with responsibility. As long as your parents are providing your needs, they can do whatever the heck they wanna as long as it doesn't hurt. Oh, and emotional trauma and PTSD doesn't really hold up in court.
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That is hands down the most retarded statement I've ever heard.
sakai4eva said:
Oh, and emotional trauma and PTSD doesn't really hold up in court.
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And that's probably in Kuala Lumpur the case but not in civilized societies.
AdrianK said:
Makes sense, the OP just said 'accurate', it just sounded a bit off...
That is hands down the most retarded statement I've ever heard.
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Well, I'm glad you are not working in my company then
Rights can never come without the responsibility of enforcing/using that particular right. Otherwise, that is really messed up.
What I meant by that is that since the parents have a responsibility to take care of you, they have the rights to enforce such a responsibility. Otherwise, you should just fend for yourself. Google up teenage emancipation and read up.
The world is never fair, and always cruel. "Grownups" have experienced it. Trust me, I know.
altae said:
And that's probably in Kuala Lumpur the case but not in civilized societies.
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Sorry, forgot the #sarcasm there. Please excuse the teenage angst in this here thread. You will need to engage psychiatrist and psychologists that HAVE to prove that the trauma has significantly changed the victim and their behavior is no longer bounded by societal norms.
From what I can see, teenagers ranting is quite extremely normal. And so is a teenager being shy about his/her body.
Oh, and your superiority complex is showing. Why don't YOU try to put up a PTSD case and see if you can sue your parents?
Move along, and GOML.
I swear to god I thought this was going to have a punchline
jree said:
I swear to god I thought this was going to have a punchline
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Likely somewhere below the waist
Me too... all this reading.. for nothing!
Sent from my Samsung-SPH-D700 using Tapatalk
asdfasdf
jree said:
I swear to god I thought this was going to have a punchline
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damn i forgot about this thread......
...And it can be forgotten again. Please don't revive old threads from 2010.
Thread closed.

Possibly ALIEN LIFE

Just thought I had to share this! here's a link to yahoo article
http://news.yahoo.com/s/digitaltrends/nasascientistfindsevidenceofalienlife
I'd be more interested if they had found a cure for cancer or something.
Like, c'mon, aliens are exciting and all, but what if they're real? What's going to happen? Most likely - nothing. For the past 2000+ years there hasn't be a recorded face-to-face alien encounter so I highly doubt anything would happen.
But yeah, exciting none the least.
Those links got scrubbed. Which is typical for our friends in Menwith Hill Surrey.
Skellyyy said:
I'd be more interested if they had found a cure for cancer or something.
Like, c'mon, aliens are exciting and all, but what if they're real? What's going to happen? Most likely - nothing. For the past 2000+ years there hasn't be a recorded face-to-face alien encounter so I highly doubt anything would happen.
But yeah, exciting none the least.
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I'm very excited about this. I just hope these claims are true. I just think its kind of a coincidence that this happened, because there were rumors that the American government will soon admit that there is alien life. But its all hear say...idk. Plus this is way more of a big deal than a lame UFO. This is science! NASA is serious about this, they've invited 5,000 scientists to examine the evidence. If this isn't a big deal to anyone then wake up. If these claims become fact, it's the biggest discovery of man-kind.
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We're rather shallow and jaded in this country, augoza. Don't expect too much.
There's no aliens
Lets face it, IF there is life out there intelligent enough to to find us and make contact, then the chances are that they would be much more advanced than us and either totally ignore us or destroy us. In the style of either "Independence Day" or "Mars Attacks"???
Im hoping its more like Mars Attacks personally.......
As far as Im concerned unless they bring us some kind of strange and exotic space meat and teach how to cook it then they can **** off.
SciFiSurfer said:
We're rather shallow and jaded in this country, augoza. Don't expect too much.
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For sure.
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conantroutman said:
Lets face it, IF there is life out there intelligent enough to to find us and make contact, then the chances are that they would be much more advanced than us and either totally ignore us or destroy us. In the style of either "Independence Day" or "Mars Attacks"???
Im hoping its more like Mars Attacks personally.......
As far as Im concerned unless they bring us some kind of strange and exotic space meat and teach how to cook it then they can **** off.
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Agreed. But lets face the facts first. NASA only CLAIMS so far. And what they found was just life on a micro level so far. No intelligent life. These organism's may be the only alien life besides us. As soon as someone says "aliens" most people jump to conclusions and think guns and destruction, But it could be as innocent as plant life on another planet.
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augoza said:
Agreed. But lets face the facts first. NASA only CLAIMS so far. And what they found was just life on a micro level so far. No intelligent life. These organism's may be the only alien life besides us. As soon as someone says "aliens" most people jump to conclusions and think guns and destruction, But it could be as innocent as plant life on another planet.
Sent from my PC36100 using XDA App
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There is no such tings as aliens,
humans have been building UFOs since the WWII
and they are genetically engineering creatures to make what looks like an alien.
husam666 said:
There is no such tings as aliens,
humans have been building UFOs since the WWII
and they are genetically engineering creatures to make what looks like an alien.
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Well I personally think its silly to believe we're the only life in this whole universe. Its a strong theory. And I've heard about USA and other countries back-engineering alien craft. In my opinion, most legit UFO sightings were humans controlling the craft. Could be possible. BUT like I said people all those stories don't mean anything compared to this. No scientist has got involved with those theories. And yes I do somewhat support some theories. But this is science people. Hail science lol
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augoza said:
Agreed. But lets face the facts first. NASA only CLAIMS so far. And what they found was just life on a micro level so far. No intelligent life. These organism's may be the only alien life besides us. As soon as someone says "aliens" most people jump to conclusions and think guns and destruction, But it could be as innocent as plant life on another planet.
Sent from my PC36100 using XDA App
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That may well be the case.
If so, these alien plants had better be similar to cabbage and go well with a nice juicy pork steak.....
mmmmmmmm alien vegetables..... (no icon for drooling)
**scared**
Opened this thread then heard this really loud plane ish sound from the sky... But it doesn't sound like the normals ones and it was louder lol
conantroutman said:
That may well be the case.
If so, these alien plants had better be similar to cabbage and go well with a nice juicy pork steak.....
mmmmmmmm alien vegetables..... (no icon for drooling)
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Haha nice. But I was just using plants as an example. What he found was just fossils. This scientists could be wrong though. Some scientists disagree with him; http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20110307/hl_time/08599205746100
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MacaronyMax said:
**scared**
Opened this thread then heard this really loud plane ish sound from the sky... But it doesn't sound like the normals ones and it was louder lol
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Click to collapse
whenever you feel scared, just remember the other UFO thread with the UFO-developers joke
MacaronyMax said:
**scared**
Opened this thread then heard this really loud plane ish sound from the sky... But it doesn't sound like the normals ones and it was louder lol
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husam666 said:
whenever you feel scared, just remember the other UFO thread with the UFO-developers joke
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Hahaha Max thats messed up.
Ha this has nothing to do with unidentified flying objects husam666
augoza said:
Hahaha Max thats messed up.
Ha this has nothing to do with unidentified flying objects husam666
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I was talking about this thread, IDK if you know it, but really funny stuff in there
1. We might not have cured cancer, but the aliens might have
2. It is true that if there's aliens, one look at 4chan would have them bombing us back to the stone age (if we are lucky)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, aliens. Sure. Next you're going to tell me there's women on the Internet or something.
</sarcasm>
SciFiSurfer said:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, aliens. Sure. Next you're going to tell me there's women on the Internet or something.
</sarcasm>
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+1 internets for you, good sir.

Who is your favorite person in history?

Like the title says. Name your favorite historical human being.
Mine is: Gandhi
Napoleon Bonaparte! That man was brilliant and schizophrenic
-I wrangled together some consonants and vowels and created this post-
Jesus christ.
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bradleyG said:
Jesus christ.
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hey now, no mythical characters allowed.
JOKES
hahahha.
But anyways...mine would probably be.... John Lennon.
Peace.
You guys probably don't know him but Michael Collins. He played a give part in where Ireland is today among with many other Irish people.
Sent from my HTC Vision using XDA App
+1 for Jesus Christ.
p/s: He's not that mythical dudes...
Mine would have to be the first man to look at a cow and say:
"You see those there dangily things there? Imma gonna squeeze them, yank em round a bit, then drink whatever comes out of them..."
telegraph0000 said:
Mine would have to be the first man to look at a cow and say:
"You see those there dangily things there? Imma gonna squeeze them, yank em round a bit, then drink whatever comes out of them..."
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It was probably the same guy who saw his son did the same to his wife.
Definitely Charlie Sheen. He has TigerBlood and is so winningly
Whomever the dude was who invented air guitars.
Seriously, I have no favorite historical person. There are a great many I like or respect, for instance the U.S.'s founding fathers, or John Locke, or Winston Churchill, or Thomas à Becket.
I am far more impressed with and inspired by those of good moral and ethical character, in particular those willing to defend their moral compass even at the cost of their own life.
Thomas edison.
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Probably Winston Churcill
watt9493 said:
Thomas edison.
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Very appropriate, considering your handle
Hans Rudel. As his counterparts stated after the war, "shame he wasn't on our side..".
DirkGently1 said:
Hans Rudel. As his counterparts stated after the war, "shame he wasn't on our side..".
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Damn. He was awesome!
Ada Lovelace.
Sent from either my N1, Nexus S or telepathically using two tin cans and some string (I still can't decide I really love string)
sakai4eva said:
Damn. He was awesome!
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except for the fact he killed so many people...
Probably Nikola Teslaen.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nikola_Tesla
or Albert Einstein maybe? There are too many to choose
[Sig] dId you know? If you Insert a Coin on your Desire, then it levels up to HD, Z or S :[/Sig]
urbanengine1 said:
except for the fact he killed so many people...
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Not bad for someone whose flight instructor said he was unremarkable and wouldn't amount to anything huh?
Seriously though, it wasn't his efficiency in combat that make him so unique but the almost superhuman way in which he went about living his life. For example, after losing his lower leg in battle he was told that he faced a six month stint in hospital and would never fly again. Six weeks later he had fashioned himself a prosthesis, checked himself out and pitched up at his airfield asking for a plane to fly.
After the war he went on to complete some 1st ascents (mountaineering), and competed in the Olympics (Skiiing) against able bodied competitors. The list of feats is nearly endless. This man grabbed life by the balls and squeezed hard!
If i had even a fraction of the drive this man had i might have made something of my life
Jesus no joke though lol

Amy Winehouse Dead....

Well as the title says amy winehouse is dead, whats everyone think about this... Does anyone care?
If you didnt know heres a link
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-14262237
furrabbit.nh said:
Does anyone care?
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No.
Sent out of my Free Candy Van.
Flussen said:
No.
Sent out of my Free Candy Van.
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LMAO! Short and sweet
Sky News amongst others should be ashamed the amount of coverage they are giving to this junkie pop star who no doubt overdosed on drugs after the terrible events that have happened in Norway.
Amy Winehouse had it all, and has had numerous chances to come clean and get off drugs but choose otherwise therefore it's hard trying to have any sympathy for her to be brutally honest, sorry it has to be said.
furrabbit.nh said:
LMAO! Short and sweet
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Is it?
You can say whatever you like but at the end of the day Amy was someone's daughter. Sincerest condolences to her parents and family.
jonny68 said:
Sky News amongst others should be ashamed the amount of coverage they are giving to this junkie pop star who no doubt overdosed on drugs after the terrible events that have happened in Norway.
Amy Winehouse had it all, and has had numerous chances to come clean and get off drugs but choose otherwise therefore it's hard trying to have any sympathy for her to be brutally honest, sorry it has to be said.
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+1 qft
Sent From My Fingers To Your Face......
Sucks about Winehouse. Death is never a good thing, even if drugs are related. However I find myself more concerned about the massacre of innocent people at a summer youth camp.
I hope for nothing but the best for the friends and families of all that died in both events.
he was ugly girl and
"Mediengeile drogenabhänige Schlampe"
Wasnt she that chick who sang bring me someone's life or back to life or whatever that lame song is called
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seedofchaos said:
Wasnt she that chick who sang bring me someone's life or back to life or whatever that lame song is called
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Bring me to life? Also no.
Sent from somewhere over the double rainbow.
Another young (27) talent follows a long list of famous 27 year old's: Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain...RIP
a
true....((

Has the word THANKS and SORRY become to cheap?

Do you think that, too?
Quite the opposite, i reckon they're still not used enough. Of course it's become easier to do online but people are still reserved and reticent to be polite to strangers. Natural reaction i guess. Perhaps the fact that people are being polite online may carry over to real life eventually?
Personally i've always found myself being awkward in real life social situations and heartfelt stuff just makes it worse. Gotta be drunk for that stuff! No such problem saying Thanks, please, sorry etc on here though.
I don't think the mods will like that. A "thank you" is a thing you'll have to deserve.
I will however 'Thank' any currently serving, or previously serving, member of any of the Armed Services on principal.
Should the OP decide to enlist and serve his Queen and Country i will be the first to hit that button!
Luckily for you, i am the queen Now, let's get f-ed up gentlemen!
I hate Justin bayber, will you thank me?
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WTS thanks hitting. 1$ each. pm me
(kidding don't ban me)
But that doesn't help when you secretly have a crush on Rebecca Black. So no, i can't thank you yet.
BazookaAce said:
Luckily for you, i am the queen Now, let's get f-ed up gentlemen!
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Hear, hear!
Cheers!
Edit: Can i borrow a couple of your commonwealth countries for the weekend? Nothing important...perhaps Canada & Australia? I promise to return them in good condition!
If you have kids then you know what Im talking about.. Sorry loses its meaning very VERY fast... lol
Shift_Lock said:
If you have kids then you know what Im talking about.. Sorry loses its meaning very VERY fast... lol
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Lulz! So you feel like you're being played? Kids are masters at manipulation and will stop at nothing! The two 'angels' that i share a house with know exactly how to wrap me in knots.
Bless 'em. (They're not mine so i only have to digest them in bite sized chunks).
When i was younger i had terrible trouble admitting when i was wrong. I would defend my argument long after it had stopped being logical. I think that's common too. It stings the pride. I'm glad i'm not like that any more.
LOL! The 4 year old is the worst.. she runs her mom. her brother and her sister.. I try to keep it together... but damn... she knows all the tricks!
Shift_Lock said:
LOL! The 4 year old is the worst.. she runs her mom. her brother and her sister.. I try to keep it together... but damn... she knows all the tricks!
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The ones here are 4 (boy) and 5 (girl) and boy does she think she's the boss! My landlord is the most patient people person i've ever known, and is far too kind to be a disciplinarian, (he took me in after all), but she takes every advantage of the fact.
"Daughter of mine, you're going to bed soon so turn off that computer and go brush your teeth".
"No daddy, we don't go to bed at this time and i will play this some more, and then i will watch television for a while...", in the sweetest voice imaginable, as if she's explaining the way things are to a total idiot.
I love it! She always does what i ask her though.
They could be the most important words ever spoken to a person
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